How do I know if my wife still loves me?

If you’ve ever found yourself lying awake at night, questioning, “How do I know if my wife still loves me?” you’re not alone. It’s a question that, believe it or not, almost all of us consider as the years pass and the realities of life take their toll on what was once the honeymoon phase.

It can be scary to think that your partner may not love you as much as they once did. It has the power to shake up the very foundation of your marriage and cast doubt on the future you two imagined.

It’s a common thread that I’ve noticed in my practice as a marriage counselor. Often, couples come to me feeling disconnected. Not just from each other, but from the love that once seemed unshakeable. The relationship isn’t where they want it to be.

Communication is off. They are struggling with finances, intimacy, or balancing friendship and their social lives with the demands of parenting.

This sort of disconnection is common these days.

Every couple has a different story to share. However, they have the same urge to get back together. Take Brian and Maria, for example , who felt like they were just brushing past each other in their daily lives.

Their conversations had become nothing more than transactional – talking about paying bills or organizing the carpool schedule.. While these problems seem common after so many years, every time they come up they pick at old wounds and resurface pain that was being repressed.

Now the goal is to find the love between you and your wife, hidden beneath layers of daily boring routines. Let’s talk about those unspoken frustrations by removing the layers one by one. Relearning to speak the same language, staying away from the blame game, and loving one another.

How do I know if my wife still loves me?

What Happens When ‘I Do’ Meets Doubt?

When two people say “I do,” they’re not just planning to share a Netflix account or split the bills. They’re promising each other a life built on trust, open and honest communication, and, above all, a foundation of love and respect. Without these, what’s left to stand on?

The foundation of a marriage starts to crumble.

In my practice I’ve witnessed firsthand how external pressures can cloud the waters of love. It’s not always about love fading away it’s about the daily grind masking the affection and love you guys have. The love that is still there just beneath the surface.

Rumi once said, “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” This rings true for many marriages where love is overshadowed by life’s hurdles.

If you’re feeling like the love in your marriage is waning, you’re not just facing a personal dilemma; it’s what you’ve built together.

Throughout my career, I have witnessed many couples struggling to hold onto their love while looking for a way out. Indeed a heartbreaking event and a turning point in any marriage.

But the truth is that  the fire can easily be rekindled, even when it seems impossible.

The first step to healing is to recognize the warning signs that love may be fading. But, it’s more important to consider what to do after you’ve seen the warning signs.

I’ve discovered that actions speak louder than words, both personally and professionally. Even when it appears impossible to achieve, love often gets reborn with persistence, comprehension, and a desire to get back in touch.

Let’s break the myth that you know your wife more than anyone else

After all this time together, you could assume you know what your wife is thinking. To be honest, I and the majority of men will openly say that it’s closer to taking a wild guess. It’s not easy to know what goes on deep down in someone’s heart and mind, even after a long-term marriage.

Assuming we know our partner’s emotional state is an opaque cloud of mystery we can be inaccurate most of the time, particularly when it comes to the complex nature of marriage.

You might feel a shift, a change in the air, but pinpointing what’s different or wrong isn’t a good idea. When your wife hides her feelings, you may find yourself struggling to try to piece together the jigsaw of her silence.

During my counseling sessions, I’ve seen many husbands light up with a realization that they may not know their wives’ hearts as well as they thought. Although it’s a difficult pill to swallow, this is the first step toward closing the gap. I’ve observed again and again that love is strong, but it also needs care, attention, and most importantly, action.

Do not allow the gap to widen. Look for signs first, then look for answers. So let’s set to work dissecting these signals and rekindling the love that first drew you two together.

Signs That Your Wife Still Loves You

So, if you’re lying awake thinking about ‘what ifs’ and ‘what nows,’ take a deep breath. It’s merely a twist, not the end of the story. You can find your way back with a little patience, effort, and maybe even a little guidance.

You may notice the following signs, which might suggest your wife still loves you.

your wife is your cheerleader

1. She’s Your Biggest Cheerleader

She’s always there for you, especially when times get tough. Even when you’re not feeling your best, she believes in you and cheers you on. She’s happy for you when you achieve something, big or small, and celebrates with you as if it were her own victory.

This support from her is a true sign of her love. She sees the best in you, even when you might not, and her constant encouragement helps you to keep going. This kind of support is what keeps a relationship strong and filled with love.

2. The Little Things Matter

She pays attention to the small details that matter to you. It could be how you like your coffee or remembering a story you shared about your childhood. These little things show she’s really listening and cares deeply about what makes you, you.

It’s her way of saying “I love you” without words. This attention to detail is a big sign of love in a relationship. When someone takes the time to remember and act on the small things that are important to you, it shows they value and cherish you.

couple laughing - expressionist painting

3. Laughter is Still in the Air

Laughter is a big part of your life together. You both find joy in the same jokes and funny moments, keeping your bond strong. When you can laugh together, it means you’re connected and enjoy each other’s company.

This shared happiness is a clear sign she loves being with you. Keeping laughter alive is key in any loving relationship. It means you’re not just partners, but also best friends who can find lightness even in tough times.

4. She’s All Ears

You talk, she listens. Deep listening shows she values your thoughts and respects your feelings. Being a good listener is a sign of love because it means she’s fully present with you, caring about what’s on your mind and in your heart.

It’s about giving you space to express yourself and being there to support you, showing that your relationship is built on mutual respect and care.

5. Small Acts of Kindness

It could be leaving a sweet note for you to find or making sure your favorite snack is always in the pantry. These small acts of kindness are her way of showing love.

They might seem simple, but they’re powerful reminders that she’s thinking of you and wants to bring a smile to your face. .

6. She’s Patient with You

When things get tricky or you’re feeling stressed, she’s there, understanding and not rushing you. This patience means she’s committed to you and the relationship, ready to work through challenges together.

It shows she values your connection more than winning an argument or being right. In a loving relationship, patience helps both partners feel supported and understood.

7. She Supports Your Dreams

She’s your biggest fan when it comes to chasing your dreams. Whether it’s a career move or a personal passion, she’s there, cheering you on, making it clear she believes in you wholeheartedly.

This support isn’t just lip service; it’s her showing that your happiness and success matter deeply to her. It’s a powerful form of love, demonstrating she’s not just by your side for the present moments but is also invested in your future, both as individuals and as a team.

8. Apologies and Forgiveness

She’s quick to say sorry when things go awry and just as fast to forgive when you slip up. This cycle of apologies and forgiveness keeps your relationship healthy.

It shows that she values peace and harmony over being right. It’s a sign of deep respect and love, and proving that she’s committed to moving forward together, not holding onto past mistakes.

9. She Values Your Opinion

She actively involves you in decisions, asking for your input on everything from daily choices to big life changes. It’s a clear sign she deeply respects your viewpoints and considers you an an important part of her life.

When she values your opinion, this means that your thoughts and feelings have an influence in her decision-making process. This level of respect shows that she doesn’t just see you as a partner in life but as a confidant and co-pilot in every adventure and challenge you face together.

10. She Makes Sacrifices

She sometimes puts what you need or want before her own wishes, showing she really cares about you. This could be in big ways or just day-to-day stuff, proving how much she loves you.

It’s her way of saying, “Hey, I’ve got your back,” because she’s all in when it comes to making you happy. This kind of giving is what love’s all about, showing she’s just as into your joy as her own, making your relationship a real team effort.

11. She Remembers Important Dates

She never forgets those special dates, like your birthday or anniversary. It’s her way of showing these moments mean just as much to her as they do to you. It’s her celebrating the journey you’re on together.

This attention to what’s important to you both adds a layer of warmth and care to your bond.

12. She Encourages Your Independence

She supports you having your own hobbies and time alone. This shows she wants you to be happy and grow on your own, too. It’s a sign of trust and love, understanding that a healthy relationship means both of you can be independent and still come together stronger.

13. She’s Your Confidant

When a spouse becomes the first person you turn to with news or for advice, it’s a a sign of deep trust and intimacy. It’s earned through consistent support and understanding.

It signifies that your relationship has matured beyond surface-level interactions into a deeper connection. This level of communication and trust is what I often guide couples to strive for.

caring wife expressionist painting

14. She’s Concerned About Your Well-being

If she’s turned into how you’re doing and steps in with a helping hand or a listening ear, it’s a solid sign she’s all in. It’s her showing up for you in the real-deal moments that count. It’s these actions that spell out love and commitment, making it clear she’s got your back.

15. She’s Comfortable Around You

If she’s relaxed and herself when you’re together, it’s a great sign. Feeling at ease in each other’s company means you’ve built a strong foundation of trust and acceptance. It’s a simple but powerful indicator of a healthy and loving relationship.

16. She Plans for the Future With You

When she talks about the future and includes you in those plans, it’s a clear sign she sees you in her life long-term. Planning together shows she’s committed to building a future with you, creating shared goals and dreams. It’s a positive sign of her love and dedication to the relationship.

Big Thing to Remember

An important thing to remember is that nobody’s wife is going to tick all 16 of the things on the checklist I just went through. If you’re in a healthy relationship you probably have four or five of the list above that happen on a regular basis.

Chances are that if you’re reading this and there’s doubt in your mind as to whether or not your wife loves you that you’re in a bit of a predicament in your marriage and so you might even be a little lower on the stability scale. If that’s the case remember that any one of these things usually means that there’s some love still there.

After all, if you were to come up to a random stranger on the street how many of them would do anything on this list for you? If you thought nobody, you’d be right. Any and all of these things are signs of compassion and love and even if it’s just one thing on this list that your wife does from time to time that’s usually a sign that there’s something you can latch onto as you try to rebuild your relationship to where you want it to be.

Do you want more great advice?

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