Breaking a sex drought in your relationship

Sex is an important aspect of any romantic relationship, providing intimacy, pleasure, and bonding for couples. However, there may be times when couples experience a decrease in sexual activity, leading to what is commonly referred to as a “sex drought.” This can be a challenging experience, leading to feelings of rejection, anxiety, and even potentially threatening the attachment bond between partners. In this blog post, we will explore the phenomenon of sex drought, its causes, and how common it is. We will also discuss ways in which couples can deal with this situation and rekindle their sexual chemistry. So if you’re going through a sex drought or simply curious about the topic, keep reading to learn more.

Is This Really a Sex Drought?

The concept of a “sex drought” has gained traction in recent years, with many media outlets and online forums discussing the idea that people are having less sex than they used to. But is this really the case?

There is evidence to suggest that some groups of people may be having less sex than previous generations. For example, a study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that young adults in the US are having less sex than they were 30 years ago. The study found that the percentage of people aged 18-29 who reported having no sex in the past year had increased from 18.9% in 2000 to 23.9% in 2018.

However, it’s important to note that not everyone is experiencing a sex drought. The same study found that the percentage of people aged 40-49 who reported having sex at least once a week had increased from 73.7% in 1995 to 84.5% in 2016.

It’s also worth considering that there are many factors that can affect how much sex a person is having. For example, relationship status, mental health, physical health, and life events such as having a baby can all impact sexual frequency.

Furthermore, the concept of a “sex drought” may not be applicable to everyone. Asexual individuals, for example, do not experience sexual attraction and may not have a desire for sex. In addition, some people may choose to abstain from sex for personal or religious reasons.

Overall, while there may be some evidence to suggest that certain groups of people are having less sex than previous generations, it’s important to remember that sexual frequency is highly individual and can be influenced by many different factors.

Understanding the Reasons Behind a Sex Drought

If you find yourself in the midst of a sex drought, it’s important to understand that there are many reasons why this may be happening. Identifying the root cause(s) of your sex drought can help you find ways to address the issue and increase your chances of getting back on track.

Stress and Fatigue

One of the most common reasons for a sex drought is stress and fatigue. The pressures of work, family, and other responsibilities can take a toll on your physical and emotional health, leaving you feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. When this happens, sex may not be at the top of your priority list.

It’s important to make time for self-care, relaxation, and stress-reduction techniques such as yoga, meditation, or exercise. You may also want to consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor to help you manage stress and improve your mental health.

Relationship Issues

Relationship issues can also contribute to a sex drought. Whether it’s a lack of communication, trust issues, or a loss of intimacy, relationship problems can make it difficult to feel sexually attracted to your partner.

The key to addressing relationship issues is communication. Talk openly and honestly with your partner about what’s been going on and work together to find solutions. Couples therapy or counseling may also be helpful in resolving issues and improving communication.

Medical Conditions

Certain medical conditions can also cause a sex drought. For example, hormonal imbalances, chronic pain, and medications can all affect your libido and sexual function.

If you suspect a medical condition is contributing to your sex drought, talk to your healthcare provider. They may be able to prescribe medication or suggest lifestyle changes to help address the issue.

Boredom or Lack of Variety

Sometimes a sex drought can simply be due to boredom or a lack of variety in your sex life. If you’ve been with your partner for a long time, you may find that your sexual routine has become predictable or even dull.

Try new things in the bedroom to add some excitement and variety to your sex life. Experiment with different positions, toys, or fantasies. You can also consider taking a class or workshop on sexual techniques or exploring your sexuality together.

Personal Issues

Finally, personal issues such as low self-esteem or body image issues can also contribute to a sex drought. If you’re not feeling confident or comfortable in your own skin, you may be less likely to engage in sexual activity.

Work on improving your self-esteem and body image through self-care practices such as exercise, meditation, and therapy. You may also want to consider exploring your own sexuality and learning to love and accept yourself for who you are.

Finding Solutions to a Sex Drought

If you’re experiencing a sex drought, it’s important to understand that you’re not alone. Many couples experience periods of time where sex is less frequent or even non-existent. However, if you want to change this, there are several things you can do to try to increase your libido and improve your sex life.

  1. Communicate with Your Partner: Communication is key when it comes to improving your sex life. Talk to your partner about what you’re feeling and what you want. Be honest and open about your desires, and try to find a solution that works for both of you.
  2. Spice Things Up: If you’ve been in a long-term relationship, it’s possible that things have gotten a bit stale. Consider trying something new in the bedroom. This could be anything from trying a new position to exploring a new fetish.
  3. Take Care of Yourself: Your overall health and well-being can have a significant impact on your sex drive. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself by eating a healthy diet, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly.
  4. Seek Professional Help: If you’ve tried everything and are still experiencing a sex drought, it might be time to seek professional help. A sex therapist or counselor can help you work through any underlying issues that may be contributing to the problem.

Remember, a sex drought doesn’t have to be a permanent situation. With a little effort and communication, you and your partner can find ways to improve your sex life and reignite your passion for each other.


The Importance of Seeking Professional Help

When a lack of sexual intimacy is caused by something deeper than just physical or logistical issues, it’s important to seek professional help. If there is a lack of trust, infidelity, or trauma in the relationship, it’s unlikely that spending more time together will fix the problem. Instead, it’s necessary to reach out to a neutral third party who has the tools and expertise to help you work through your issues.

This can be a therapist, a counselor, or a relationship coach. Seeking professional help is crucial because it can be challenging to address these deeper issues on your own, especially when emotions are running high. Ignoring the problem can lead to resentment, which can ultimately lead to the end of the relationship.

It’s essential to prioritize the sexual health of your relationship and not hesitate to seek professional help if needed. Investing in professional help can pay huge dividends in the long run by helping you work through your issues and ultimately strengthening your relationship.

If you’re experiencing a lack of sexual intimacy in your relationship, it’s crucial to first assess if there are any physical or logistical issues that need to be addressed. However, if the problem is rooted in a lack of friendship, trust, or unresolved trauma, it’s essential to seek professional help. Remember, prioritizing the sexual health of your relationship is essential to ensure the long-term success of your relationship.


In conclusion, while there may be various factors that contribute to a lack of sexual intimacy in a relationship, the importance of friendship cannot be overstated. When a couple is best friends, they create a safe space where they can talk about anything, including their sexual desires and needs. However, when the friendship is lacking, it can lead to power struggles, control issues, and a lack of trust, all of which can hinder sexual intimacy.

It’s important for couples to prioritize building and maintaining their friendship, even if that means taking sex off the table for a while and focusing on shared experiences and quality time together. If a lack of friendship is causing sexual intimacy issues, seeking the help of a therapist or relationship coach can be beneficial in working through emotional barriers and improving communication.

Ultimately, the sexual health of a relationship is crucial and should not be ignored or swept under the rug. By prioritizing friendship, communication, and seeking help when necessary, couples can cultivate a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship with their partner.

Do you want more great advice?

If you’re enjoying what you’re reading and want to take your relationship to the next level, consider subscribing to my weekly newsletter. No, it’s not another spam email trying to sell you something you don’t need. It’s my attempt to help as many people as possible in a fun, frictionless way. I call it the “Free Marriage Advice,” and it’s designed with your relationship’s health in mind.

Every week, you’ll get tips, strategies, and sometimes even videos of me showing you how to get your relationship back on track. I cover everything from finances, to parenting, to the bedroom in short little paragraphs that you can easily digest while waiting for your lunch to heat up in the microwave. Think of it as a weekly check-up for your relationship from me, Dr. Jon…and best of all, it’s free.