Allison Jayne Ewing is a seasoned psychotherapist and EFT practitioner. After experiencing a divorce herself, Allison decided to focus on helping other midlife women find healthy available single men who will love and adore them. She works using a powerful tool called EFT tapping to have women clear all blocks to successful dating, and open up to the excitement of falling in love again.
Her recently published book “Find Love Again: Learn to Date Like a Goddess”, is a guide to igniting your inner goddess and finding the man of your dreams.
You can find Allison at:
[Jon Dabach] 00:00
Today on the relationship Revival Show I have Allison Jayne Ewing joining us Alison Jane is a seasoned psychotherapist and EFT practitioner. After experiencing a divorce herself, Allison decided to focus on helping other midlife women fined healthy available single men who will love and adore them.
[Jon Dabach] 00:20
She works using a powerful tool called EFT tapping to have women clear all blocks to successful dating and open up to the excitement of falling in love again, her recently published book find love again learn today, like a goddess is a guide to igniting your inner goddess and finding the man of your dreams.
[Jon Dabach] 00:38
You’re listening to the relationship revival podcast with Jon Dabach, also known as mrSpirituality. That’s me. I’m your host giving you insights and guidance from over 10 years in the field of this amazing journey we call romance on this show, I go over everything you need to know about how to get into a relationship, how to get the most out of a relationship, and sometimes even how to gracefully end a relationship without pulling your hair out and going crazy.
[Jon Dabach] 01:05
And occasionally, I’m even joined by new and old friends who are also relationship experts to bring you guidance and wisdom with new perspectives. Thanks for stopping by. Allison Jayne, thank you so much for being on the show.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 01:20
Thanks for having me. I’m excited to be here.
[Jon Dabach] 01:22
I’m excited to ask you a bunch of questions. So I am fascinated with EFT so just I know that because it is a show that so many people listen to for couples, counseling, relationship advice, all that kind of stuff. I want to make a clear distinction. There’s Emotionally Focused Therapy, which is Dr. Sue Johnson’s work, and her methodology modality of teaching. And then this is a different one. This is the one people associate with tapping and the EFT stands for again, you told me about
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 01:52
Emotional Freedom Technique, Emotional Freedom Technique, technique, and
[Jon Dabach] 01:56
it’s like you literally there’s physical tapping that people do on their own face different parts of their body that I assume has something kind of similar. And this is where you’re going to just take off and kind of correct me but you know, I’m familiar with EMDR. So there is kind of that eye movement thing.
[Jon Dabach] 02:12
But the idea is you’re kind of reprogramming different neurological pathways in your brain. Is that the same idea with with your with your practice with EFT?
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 02:22
Yes, absolutely. They have a very similar effect on the body. They both put the body into this out alpha brainwave state, which is sort of that relaxed, brainwave state, most people get into before bed, or if you meditate or shavasana and yoga, so that sort of woozy feeling, and it’s a very, it’s, it’s like a hypnotic, it’s a suggestible state.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 02:43
And when you’re in that state, you can easily reprogram your mind, because you are more suggestible, a. But B, your body is not able to stay in its sympathetic nervous system, and its fight or flight. State because our, our central nervous system has kind of an on off switch, you’re either in your sympathetic nervous system or your parasympathetic.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 03:06
And so with both of these Mind Body techniques, when you engage the body in them, it very quickly moves you from your sympathetic state into your parasympathetic state, and it extinguishes the strong emotion. Maybe the physiological reaction fight or flight reaction in the body from talking about something or remembering something, thinking about something.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 03:31
So they both work in a similar way. Just I would say that EFT tapping is a little bit more self-help oriented, because with the EMDR, you sort of need you know, a certified Yeah, guide, and you need the tools, the actual little buzzers or whatever,
[Jon Dabach] 03:51
Your fingers or whatever they are. Right,
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 03:54
[Jon Dabach] 03:56
Yeah. Okay, that’s so interesting. So what I assume you didn’t start with EFT you kind of picked it up, maybe kind of middle or closer to more recently along your career? What made you kind of discover it? And then how quickly did you realize, oh, this is going to be what I focus on.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 04:14
So actually, it’s funny that you even brought up EMDR because part of how it happened, I simply, maybe, I don’t know. 10 or so years into my career as a licensed clinical social worker. I had recently left an agency based job and was working on my own and doing a lot of consulting and training. And as you probably know, you need continuing education units when you’re in that situation. And I had kind of neglected to get them on my own because I was always used to my agency getting them for me. So to be perfectly honest, I got into the weeds and I needed about 26 hours in about six weeks.
[Jon Dabach] 04:59
For people only Ah, that’s a that’s like a seminar and a half where you just have to like, nose to the grindstone the whole day kind
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 05:06
Of Yeah, yeah. So I thought okay, clearly I have to get some kind of certification to cover these hours. And I knew I was interested in mind body techniques. At that point, I was already doing a lot of breath work and some yoga and things with the kids on the psychiatric unit I had previously worked at.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 05:24
And so I decided, okay, I’m either going to get trained in EMDR, or this EFT, tapping thing I’ve heard about and simply looking at what’s the next Chicagoland area training. It happened to be. EFT was coming and EMDR was not. So that was the first reason why I went there. But then some pretty miraculous things happened when I went. So on day one of getting to the training.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 05:52
I had about maybe two weeks before this training, I lost a dear friend of mine. And her name was Cindy. And she was from a town around here called Naperville outside of Chicago, and she had died of breast cancer. And as we were going around doing introductions in the room, I kid you not there was a woman two rows in front of me that said, Hi, my name is Cindy. I’m from Naperville and I work with breast cancer survivors.
[Jon Dabach] 06:18
Wow. And yeah,
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 06:20
I was pretty blown away and I I am a person who believes in you know, signs from the universe. Yeah, kind of put us on our path sometimes. Oh, and I forgot to mention that the Chicagoland area training actually happened to be in the suburbs a mile up the road from my house to
[Jon Dabach] 06:37
In Chicago. That’s kind of unheard of. Right.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 06:39
Yeah, I thought it would be trekking in our downtown every day, and it was right up the street. So just those two synchronicities right off the bat, I thought, wow, that’s really interesting. And then we learned the technique. And they encouraged us to go home and practice at the end of the day.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 06:56
So my son at the time was seven years old and terribly afraid of the dark. And one of the things EFT works very quickly with is clearing phobias. So I went home and I decided, Okay, I’m going to try this. And I’m going to do this thing with him. And we started tapping on his fear of the dark. And with EFT, you want to tap on the thing you’re working on and then test it.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 07:20
So you kind of put yourself either in your mind’s eye or physically if you can back into the scenario to see, do you still feel the emotional reaction and it first with going into the dark? And he was like, Oh, I do feel different. You know, like, I can’t remember seeing it this little kid way, right? But then he went really far into my dark basement came running out. He said, No, no, no, I’m scared, someone’s going to pop out at me.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 07:44
So I went to the training the next day, and I said to my teacher, hey, it didn’t work. It was still scared. And she said, Okay. And EFT tapping.
[Jon Dabach] 07:54
Wait, so hold on, before you continue. There’s an expectation that it will work that fast, though, because that’s unheard of in other therapy modalities. So you were you were so convinced by the training that it would it should work within 115 minute session with your son that you were like, pissed, essentially, like, Hey, what’s going on?
[Jon Dabach] 08:17
That is a good point. I mean, like, If couples came into my practice and said, We want to fix everything in an hour, I’d be like, I’m not your guy. I mean, I can give you some tools, but I’m not like, I’m not gonna make you the perfect husband in an hour or so. Okay. So that’s, I mean, it’s important for people to realize that the speed is obviously a huge draw.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 08:35
Huge, huge, because she did kind of explain to me what I did wrong. Which actually, I’ll get back to that in a second. But the interesting thing was, she told me not what I did wrong, but something else I could try when I got sure. The fascinating thing was, I went home the next day was already dark, and I could not find my son.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 08:58
And I was like, where is he? And I wander upstairs and he was alone in his room playing in the dark, the sun had set. And he was playing. And that was a miracle because normally this is the kid that would tear downstairs as soon as the sun even started setting.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 09:14
Wow, didn’t even realize it was dark. He was never afraid of the dark again, ever. And now he’s 16 he’s 16. And he also lost his fear of the basement. So you know how a lot of kids just won’t go in the basement in the middle of day. He used to be that kid no longer lost his fear the basement so even though he it didn’t feel like it worked right away right away within 24 hours it had worked.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 09:38
Wow. And since then I have cleared people’s phobias in 15 minutes, many times, not everybody’s phobia. It kind of depends on how many sort of attachments it has, you know, sure, but I have definitely cleared some pretty light phobia. You know, someone who’s afraid of a roller coaster or something Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. It’s fascinating. Yeah, it honestly, it blows me away constantly.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 10:08
It also works really great on trauma. So you can take a traumatic memory. And there’s a process a technique I use called tell the story where I have them tell the story. And we stop at the different parts of the story that seem really emotionally intense, where I can see physically their body in fight or flight, we tap on that part of the story, they go back, and they start telling it again.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 10:31
And eventually the goal is to get through the whole story feeling even and out of your fight or flight response. And it it works miraculously. And so if it’s a little trauma, you can do that in an hour. And I’m saying little meaning, you know, maybe it was a trauma, right, small t or, or even like a car accident. But if it was a single car accident, not a big, you know, not a lot of stuff, or previous incidents or whatever, we can clear that in an hour session.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 10:58
And people always say the same thing. They say, wow, it just feels like its someone else’s story. Now, I can remember it. But my body doesn’t get sweaty palms and tense and all the things the heart rate up, you know, all those physiological responses are just gone. How
[Jon Dabach] 11:16
Long did it take you to get certified?
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 11:19
Initially, I went through a four day training and then there was a whole process after that I had to go to an additional two days of training.
[Jon Dabach] 11:31
Whenever it’s not like weeks, and it’s the it’s
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 11:38
it took me longer than that. It took me about maybe like 18 months to complete all the aspects, you know, all the pieces of the training, but it was definitely worth it. And of course, I was using it right away. And I was testing it out with friends and family galore, it first
[Jon Dabach] 11:54
Kind of wish I had a fear. So I could do it with you. And people can hear what it sounds like. But
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 11:57
I now do it on something. Even I mean, when I do it with groups, when I’m introducing people, I often times just have them do it either. Two of the things that are good examples is either physical pain, because we can release some of the emotional response to it or just ice tell people think of a time recently you felt irritated?
[Jon Dabach] 12:16
Yeah. Okay, let me I now I’m like, I’m going through each one of my four kids. I’m thinking like, is there a time that I lost my temper? I’m just yeah, okay, I got something. Okay, so just ask is this okay, are you open to doing this? Because I’m kind of, I think it’d be cool for people to hear what it sounds like.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 12:36
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, for sure. So, on a scale of one to 10, how annoyed did you feel?
[Jon Dabach] 12:43
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 12:45
Okay. And can you just give me a quick sentence encapsulating the situation?
[Jon Dabach] 12:51
One of my sons didn’t want to do his homework and started yelling.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 12:56
Okay. All right. So, normally, I would show you the points first, but we’ll just go through it and start tapping on the side of your hands. So you take your fingers for anyone who’s listening, and you will tap them against the fleshy side of your hand right below the knuckle of your pinky finger. Okay, and just repeat after me, we’re going to say a statement here three times, it’s going to be pairing the problem with some kind of statement of acceptance. And so just say, even though I was irritated with him for not doing his homework,
[Jon Dabach] 13:30
Even though I was irritated with him for not doing his homework, and for yelling, and for yelling,
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 13:36
I accept that I had that irritation.
[Jon Dabach] 13:39
I accept that I had that irritation.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 13:43
Even though he did irritate me,
[Jon Dabach] 13:45
Even though he did irritate me for not doing his homework for not doing his homework and for yelling like that. And for yelling like that.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 13:54
I accept that I felt irritated.
[Jon Dabach] 13:57
I accept that I feel or felt irritated.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 14:01
Even though when he did
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 14:02
[Jon Dabach] 14:03
Even though when he did that,
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 14:05
I felt irritated. I felt irritated
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 14:08
And thinking about it now,
[Jon Dabach] 14:10
And thinking about it now. I still feel irritated.
[Jon Dabach] 14:13
I still feel irritated.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 14:16
And I accept myself anyway.
[Jon Dabach] 14:18
And I accept myself anyway.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 14:20
Even with my irritation,
[Jon Dabach] 14:23
Even with my irritation.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 14:25
Okay, now tap on the inside of your brows right where you’re like upper nose and eyebrows meat on the inside. And just say, but I was irritated. But I was irritated. Now go tap into the outside of your eyes. I did feel irritated. I did feel irritated. Now tap right under your eye on the bony ridge below your pupil. I felt irritated. I felt irritated. I still feel it thinking about it.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 14:58
I still feel it. Thinking about it. Okay, now go under the nose right where the upper lip and nose me. I still feel irritated.
[Jon Dabach] 15:07
I still feel irritated.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 15:10
Go to the chin crease. Tap there and say it was irritating. It was irritating. The next point we call the collarbone but it’s actually below the bone. So go to the hollow of your neck and then go down about an inch and over about two. And there’s a little dents.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 15:28
Yeah. Looks right. You feel those and tap there. And just say he irritated me. He irritated me. Next is under the arm. So right along the ribcage about two inches maybe below your armpit. He irritated me. He irritated me. And then the last point is the top of your head. And just tap on Crown Point and say he irritated me. He irritated me. Now stop and take a deep breath
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 16:08
Okay, and now just think back to the incident he was yelling, you were irritated? How does it feel now?
[Jon Dabach] 16:17
I mean, I don’t remember feeling irritated now. Feels like its kind of erased.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 16:24
That’s exactly what happens. That’s the freedom part of the emotional freedom technique because you become free from the emotion. And the theory is you actually collapsed the neural pathway that was attaching the incident to your fight or flight that was to your midbrain, your hind brain, your emotion brain. And now you have a new neural pathway that attaches it to your frontal lobe, your logic reason judgment part of your brain. And so you still remember it, but you just don’t have that emotional reaction.
[Jon Dabach] 16:54
That’s so interesting. And what are all the different points that you’re tapping on?
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 16:59
So they are actually all Meridian end points from Chinese medicine? And people ask me, it’s probably the number one question I get is, Well, can I just tap anywhere on my body? Or couldn’t I just be thinking about it, and it would work. And they’ve done lots and lots of research that says no, that’s not the case. It is actually these points that do have the effect.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 17:21
They’ve done EDS, that that’s how we know people go into that alpha brainwave state quickly they’ve done saliva and blood tests pre and post your stress hormone cortisol level drops way down. There’s some really new interesting research about the immune boosting effects of this work and some epigenetic stuff, looking at, you know, it’s actually turning on some sort of good genes, if you will, and turning off some bad genes and these kinds, it’s really fascinating, what they’re finding through the research that’s being done.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 17:53
And so why exactly these Meridian endpoints have this effect, that’s we don’t totally know, we just know that they create this relaxation response in the body. And then when you pair this relaxation response with what’s basically sort of a traditional exposure therapy from psychology, you extinguish the emotion behind it, and you reprogram the mind.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 18:17
And I can just tell you, from my own personal experience of having done this now for almost a decade, and used it regularly on myself, I am a really different person. I mean, I, for instance, like I used to be reactive with my kids and you know, yell at them and stuff. I mean, it is so rare that I’ve yelled at my kids in the last, I don’t know, six or seven years. I just, I just, it just chilled me out, sort of overall chilled me out. So interesting.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 18:46
Yeah. And it also actually kind of led to the work I’m doing today because I was doing it with clients, one on one. And then I myself experienced a divorce. And when I went through that process of getting divorced, and then going out in the dating world, and dating again, it just realizing how much emotional, you know, trauma that can cause how much emotional baggage gets triggered childhood wounds, and all this.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 19:15
And I have just used tapping galore through my own process. And that really inspired me to want to write a book for women who are single again at midlife and dating. And it’s a book that really relies a lot on my sort of knowledge as a psychotherapist, and what I learned via that, but also what I learned via my own experience dating at midlife, but every chapter I have a tapping script in there. So I teach some kind of mindset shift about how to date like a goddess is right from the name of the book.
[Jon Dabach] 19:51
Well, the title of the book is fine love again learn to date like a goddess, right?
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 19:55
Yes, exactly. And so I teach these mindset shifts of how to sort of embody that higher vibe, Goddess energy, which is a woman who isn’t willing to settle, who isn’t going to make maybe some of the same mistakes that have been made in the past and put up with bad behavior from a partner, that kind of thing.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 20:16
But what I think is so powerful is that you can, you can learn these lessons, but not always really embody them and have them create change in your life, right, you can kind of get insight but still do the same old behavior. Whereas once you tap on it, it becomes transformative, because now you’ve created these new neural pathways. So with every lesson I teach, if you do the tapping scripts, you are going to experience a lot of transformative change by the end of the book.
[Jon Dabach] 20:48
And so it’s if you have, well, let’s take it into parts. So if you’re if you’re dealing with a bigger trauma, I assume that you’re going to probably dissect the trauma into little pieces and tap for different aspects. Is that kind of the process? Or, you know, like, because you say there’s different chapters? So I’m trying to think like, there’s a tapping script, at the end of each chapter. So are you approaching different issues in each chapter? Is that what that is?
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 21:17
Yes, I would back up though, and say, if it’s a really big trauma, like a, like an actual trauma, I highly recommend working with a practitioner, because it, you know, you can go into overwhelm, you can open up too much you can go into dissociative state, dissociative state. And so I would say, if it’s a big trauma, you don’t want to tackle that on your own. And I’m not just saying that cuz I’m a practitioner, like even some of I mean, I haven’t had big traumas, but I’ve had some little T traumas. And I regularly work with a practitioner, who helps me with those. And so I just recommend that for anybody. But in terms
[Jon Dabach] 21:57
Of the practitioners role in that sense, is if it gets too intense to kind of figure out how to navigate that, is that am I kind of
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 22:04
Yeah, exactly. And how to break it down into the summer, like you were saying those little chunks that are more manageable. And, you know, sometimes if I’m working with someone on a traumatic memory, sometimes we can’t even just start tapping right away on the traumatic memory. I mean, I often have them tell me if your memory was a movie running behind a movie screen with the curtains closed?
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 22:26
How far do you need to be to start this work? Do you need to be in the back of the theater? Do you need to be out in the hall do you need to be on the street outside, you need to be up on the moon? And I have had some people say, you know, I need to be on the moon or I need to be in the next town over. So we actually just tap on that, even though I need to be up here on the moon while my movie is filming there.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 22:47
And so we just tap until you sort of basically tap on the fear of tapping on the trauma, if that makes sense. So you click the fear of even processing it first. And that is something I just don’t think people could do on their own, or they can easily go into overwhelm on their own. So I have the analogy of the difference between sort of going to the dentist and brushing your teeth with tapping, you know, it’s like you brush your teeth every day.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 23:14
And so, I think tapping can work the same, you can work on it, like we did, in your example, little irritations you know, it’s great for if you’re stuck in traffic, and you literally can’t go anywhere and you can’t do anything, and you’re getting frustrated, and you’re, you know, nervous system is getting ramped up, you can tap on that.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 23:32
Or if you’re venting to a friend on the phone, it’s a great time to just start tapping, because you’re going to clear stuff. While you’re doing that in the shower. You know, we ruminate a lot in the shower, that kind of thing. So clearing these smaller things on your own can work well. And then when you really come up against something that maybe either isn’t clearing on your own, or feels bigger, you know, seeking out a practitioner to do that work.
[Jon Dabach] 23:57
Yeah, makes a lot of sense. Yeah, what was good?
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 24:01
I was just going to say so the question you would ask about how it works in the book is just like, for example, one of the chapters is about how most women as I think particularly at midlife feel like there’s this have this limiting belief that there’s no good men left out there.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 24:18
And of course, if you believe that, you know, self-fulfilling prophecy, you’re going to see that and that is what you’re going to find over and over. And so the tapping script that I have, at the end of that chapter is basically to buss that fear and that negativity behind that belief, because it’s, it’s not actually true that there’s no good men out there.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 24:41
I mean, that is not a fact. But if you believe it to be a fact, then you’re going to act and operate in a way and you’re actually only going to see men acting like jerks or whatever it is, if that’s what you believe to be, you know, what reality is Most women, the reason that they feel that there’s no good men out there is just because honestly, they’re scared, right?
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 25:05
They’re just afraid that there’s no good men out there. So if we can clear the fear, and clear that negativity, with the tapping, suddenly they can start seeing different men.
[Jon Dabach] 25:16
Would you say that that’s the most common struggle that women have dating in midlife? Is that mindset that there just aren’t good men available?
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 25:27
I think that’s a really big one. And it’s so fascinating how reinforced I’ve seen that by society in general. And, you know, I, I’ve had many friends say, Wow, this is actually partly why I wrote the book, they were like, wow, you’re you were like, my only cheerleader about dating again, everybody else was like, Oh, God, that sounds awful.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 25:48
You know, their friends and families, like, oh, the worst thing has to be that you have to date again. So I think there’s a lot of that, that’s just sort of in our culture that says it’s going to be this terrible experience.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 26:00
And then of course, I think there’s just a lot of, you know, if you have your own insecurities, and your own fears about not being lovable, not being chosen, those kinds of things, which each one of those is a chapter in my book, then if you have those feelings embedded in you, you’re going to also dread dating or be afraid of dating, or what I think is worst of all, is settling for, you know, someone who doesn’t treat you very well. Yeah. Are you honestly settling to be alone? I think some people, some women had been like, just give up, just throw in the towel and say, it’s never going to happen for me,
[Jon Dabach] 26:39
Right? Until them until they get to a crying fit with maybe a bucket of Haagen Dazs. And they will, but I do want somebody. I’ve had those clients too. It’s so funny, you brought something up, and maybe you can kind of give me your feedback. I kind of tell people that being alone is a lot like being depressed and that it’s addictive. You don’t have to do anything.
[Jon Dabach] 27:01
It’s effortless. In a sense, it feels horrible. But it’s effortless. And it’s always there. It’s super reliable, you can never get away from yourself. So because of that comfort, everybody just goes okay, well, I guess I’ll be alone and you and you trick yourself into thinking you can get used to it. This is just the way it is because you figure at least it’ll always be there. It’s the one thing that won’t abandon you write yourself. Yeah, but it’s like, that’s just a bad way to think of it. I tell people, they’ve got a bad road, you don’t want to go down that road.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 27:34
Yeah, and I think it’s really interesting, right? Because I do think something has happened in recent years, where there’s almost so much focus on, you’ve got to just learn to love yourself and learn to be okay with being alone, and so on and so forth.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 27:49
And that almost in a weird way that’s become, it’s almost like become shameful if you’re, if you don’t want to do that. So, and then there’s also this, this feeling that I get from a lot of women who are like to saying like, well, it’s okay, you know, it’s almost this is this is the healthier way is being alone. Yeah. And
[Jon Dabach] 28:12
Research is so. So against that. I mean, the ones that I keep telling people actually comes from the other EFT book from Sue Johnson’s book, I forget which study she’s She cites, but she always, you know, the one she opens with is that being alone is more physically detrimental to your health than smoking.
[Jon Dabach] 28:31
So it’s not just emotionally physically like it has real effects. So I think it comes from a good place. I think the idea of people saying that it’s okay to be alone is like half the story, because I teach, especially when I’m dealing with divorce essays.
[Jon Dabach] 28:47
Like, look, it’s not that you have to learn that being alone is okay. You have to fill your life so that you’re happy as an individual, because that attracts the partner. Right? So it’s like, it’s, its halfway there. Yes, you have to learn to enjoy and be and like, be filled with gratitude. But that doesn’t mean you should be content with being alone.
[Jon Dabach] 29:09
Part of the beauty of being a couple is you get to see the world through someone else’s eyes, and you get to explore the world. And that’s not about being needy. That’s about wanting to explore. But yeah, I couldn’t agree with you more.
[Jon Dabach] 29:22
I think that there’s there is it’s that fine line so people get so I think someone along the lines got so pumped up about like the energy they felt when they were doing that part of the work where they’re like, it’s okay to be alone that they forgot to do the second step. And it just spread like wildfire. And it’s like no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Someone else?
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 29:47
Exactly. Yeah, exactly. The pendulum swung a little too far. Yeah, okay. Well,
[Jon Dabach] 29:54
I mean, I know you have this Learn to date like a goddess.com. Is that for your book or is Is that your your kind of your group eight week course? Or is it both?
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 30:04
It’s for both. And I’m actually going to offer your listeners a little special treat that if they go to my website, they can download a copy of my eBook for free. Oh, nice. And check it out. Yeah.
[Jon Dabach] 30:20
So it’s learned to date like a goddess.com. And so tell me a little bit about and tell the listeners a little bit about the course and what that’s like, because it’s eight weeks, it’s online. But there it’s not like it’s not completely on your own. There’s some components where you’re, you’re getting some support there. Right,
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 30:39
Right, absolutely. So one of the things I’m really committed to is for anyone who joins the course that they do the course. And it yes, there are some video components. But I do weekly tapping circles with the women in the group and the power of women coming together who all are struggling with the same kinds of issues.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 31:03
It’s just really incredible. Because a lot of times what’s blocking you from magnetically drawing in the love that you truly desire is some kind of subconscious programming that you don’t realize is there. And so when you’re trying to do your own tapping, if you’re not aware that it’s a problem, you’re not tapping on it.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 31:21
But if you’re in this group, and another woman in the group brings it up, and we all tap together, what you get is something well researched and EFT called borrowed benefits, you start clearing your own stuff that you were not even aware of.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 31:35
So that’s what I feel like its super powerful about the program that I have. And I will tell you, the reason why I always say to people download the book, check it out, see how it goes. Because I had a very concrete example of a woman who read the book, when it first came out. And a week later had five dates, five different guys.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 32:00
And her therapist said to her what happened in a week like you, you went from sitting on my couch for months, saying, there’s no good men out there, I’m never going to find a guy. And you have five dates. And she said, yeah, actually, I read my friend’s book, and I did this tapping, and it really changed everything. And then a couple months later, there was sort of a backslide.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 32:19
And, you know, she ended up going back into a relationship that wasn’t, it wasn’t a good fit for her the first time. And it wasn’t the second time either. And she ended up kind of having a painful breakup from that. And so it just sort of reinforced to me that, yes, I really think that the book is great, and it can get you on the right track. And for some people, it might even be enough.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 32:40
And for other people, they’re going to need some continued support. And so that the course takes it a little deeper, gets you a little more ingrained, and definitely is going to clear out some of those bigger blocks that you might need some guidance around. And that’s what I’m there for.
[Jon Dabach] 32:54
Well, it sounds like beautiful work you’re doing I’m actually going to look into it I was kind of there’s so much trauma that comes up in couples and it’s the only thing I do I only work with couples but I started thinking you know what, I can use a mind body kind of toolkit piece.
[Jon Dabach] 33:08
So part of part of interviewing was me being like selfishly doing research. Like, is this it because everything is so virtual, and it’s like a rite with EMDR you need the light bar, or they have to do the cross arms, but I’ve heard from people that it’s not as effective as the light bar, and I was like, okay, so but yeah, I’m going to look into this because it sounds like it’s kind of up my alley, too. And I actually have someone I think I can refer to you who’s dealing with exactly what you specialize in. So I’m going to reach out. Thank you so much for being on the show.
[Allison Jayne Ewing] 33:41
Yeah, thanks for having me. It was fun.
[Jon Dabach] 33:43
If you’re interested in learning how to get the absolute most out of your romantic relationships then you’re in luck because I have put together a free workshop or masterclass if you will, about three secrets that people in happy relationships have discovered. You can view the workshop and mrspirituality.com/three secrets again, it’s completely free.
[Jon Dabach] 34:06
Just go there and watch it. It’ll help you on your journey give you some wisdom. Some things to think about. The website again is mrspirituality.com/three secrets. That’s mrspirituality.com/the Number three, the word secrets. It’s all yours. Enjoy.