Special Guest: Carleah East

You can find Carleah online at:

FB https://www.facebook.com/SpeakDrEast dr-east-speaks/
IN https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-carleah-east-413b33229/
Site https://smilepsychology.com/dr-east-speaks/
IG @dreast_speaks


[Jon Dabach] 00:00
Today on the relationship revivals show, I’m joined by Dr. Carleah East Carly as a clinical psychotherapist, licensed mental health counselor, motivational speaker and author. She’s the founder and CEO of smile psychology and Associates LLC and the executive director of sapphire a woman pathways which supports women offenders by providing pathways of counseling, education and community growth.

[Jon Dabach] 00:23
Dr. East is the author of two books The Hangover overcoming emotional addiction and don’t wait for love become ello V. She is a clinical correspondent with Bain who’s nine and channel 10 News and her motivational speaking work through Dr. He speaks provides keynote addresses life purpose coaching, personal and professional development seminars, and community based workshops on topics including but not limited to anxiety, divorce and emotional addiction across the United States with laughter and love.

[Jon Dabach] 00:52
Dr. East inspires others to reclaim their power, embrace their truth, and design their destiny. You’re listening to the relationship revival podcast with Jon Dabach, also known as Mr. Spirituality. That’s me. I’m your host giving you insights and guidance from over 10 years in the field of this amazing journey we call romance on this show, I go over everything you need to know about how to get into a relationship, how to get the most out of a relationship, and sometimes even how to gracefully end a relationship without pulling your hair out and going crazy.

[Jon Dabach] 01:25
And occasionally, I’m even joined by new and old friends who are also relationship experts to bring you guidance and wisdom with new perspectives. Thanks for stopping by. Dr. Carleah, thank you so much for being here with me today.

[Dr. Carleah East] 01:40
Thank you for having me. I am super stoked about this.

[Jon Dabach] 01:44
Yeah, me too. I you know, it’s funny, I get occasional requests from different magazines or online periodicals for things they’re writing on where they need input. And like recently, a few people have asked about breakups what to do, when you’re breaking up, how to get over it, how to be alone and stuff. And it’s clear, like, it’s in the ether, right? It’s kind of it’s in the air people, you know, especially after COVID.

[Jon Dabach] 02:12
And now we’re kind of like, okay, well, I don’t need to be with someone, but I still feel that attachment. And you have a book coming out that that I mentioned, called The Hangover overcoming emotional addiction. And it’s the second edition, right?

[Dr. Carleah East] 02:28
Yeah, so the current First Edition is available now. And the second edition will be coming out later in the summer along with a workbook. But right now, the first edition has exercises that are within it. But it’s all about understanding how we get to emotional sobriety, and really checking ourselves and the layers that we sometimes don’t want to deal with that play a role into why we feel like we need to be booed up all the time.

[Jon Dabach] 02:54
Yeah, for sure. Why don’t we talk about what exactly emotional addiction is how you define it, and how people can recognize it in their own lives?

[Dr. Carleah East] 03:03
Absolutely. So emotional addiction is basically there is a physiological and chemical change. So the brain actually changes chemistry when it has highs and lows. So these are highs are talking about good vibrations, good vibes, and good feelings and lows are, you know, things that make us sad and upset?

[Dr. Carleah East] 03:19
Well, as we know, in relationships, we have highs and lows and ups and downs. And so what happens is your brain gets used to those ups and downs of relationships and more. So your brain gets to the point where it starts looking forward to the up, right, so you deal with the negative, but then you find yourself dealing with the negative in order to get to the positive.

[Dr. Carleah East] 03:38
So it’s all it almost becomes attached to your positive experience is experiencing that negative in the relationship. The problem is we don’t have enough balance in that our bodies and our brains will tell us let’s focus on the good because we’re, you know, systematically as human beings taught that way, and thusly we do.

[Dr. Carleah East] 03:57
And then we become involved in this cycle where we are addicted to the ups and the downs of the relationship, which is why we keep saying tethered to that person or soul tied to that person. While we keep returning to sender, which is what I call them, we keep going back to the same relationship, or while we maintain a prototype, we have a type of person that we day, but the outcome is still the same. So that emotional addiction is driven from that pattern.

[Dr. Carleah East] 04:20
It’s also driven from the general stereotypes that we all feed into, as far as we are not defined as you know, decent human beings until somebody loves us. Right? That’s when we’re defined when someone has accepted us and said yes, you’re worth having, or you’re worth being with. And so that all kind of adds into that stereotypical ideology that we need to be connected to someone in order to define ourselves. And that’s where the addiction comes from.

[Jon Dabach] 04:45
Let’s slow this down a little because you just I think you just spat out. You just spat out two years of doctoral research minutes. So I want to I want to slow it down. I mean, you know, first of all, just Understanding that your brain releases chemicals for highs and lows that are different. Just that alone. Sometimes people are like, Oh, it’s not just me feeling bad.

[Jon Dabach] 05:11
There’s an actual chemical component. So that’s important too. But I love what you said. And I want to dive into it a little bit more about the pattern. So what’s happening is, you’re training yourself and your brains kind of becoming accustomed, if I’m correct. So if I’m wrong, step in, but and I oftentimes will play stupid here because I want to make sure I’m getting it, you know, at a base level. But you’re, you’re training yourself that you need to go through the negative to get to the positive, is that right?

[Dr. Carleah East] 05:42
Yes, that becomes it’s almost like the negative becomes a necessary for you to have that positive experience. And because typically in relationships,

[Jon Dabach] 05:51
But that’s not true, right. But then No, that’s absolutely not true. That’s what people need to that’s what people need to learn is that you have this belief, right? You have this mindset that you’ve trained yourself that you have to go through the pain in order to get that positive, but that’s not true. So we have to break through that barrier.

[Jon Dabach] 06:10
And say, like, you don’t have to be in an abusive, or a draining relationship to get the positive thing. There’s a different way. That’s like that’s kind of one of the core components that sounds like of what?

[Dr. Carleah East] 06:21
Absolutely, absolutely, because you also have to think of why do we put up with the negative, right? What is about that positive? Well, this is a thing. When you think about relationships, and when you know, you’ve had damaging your relationship with disruptions, the makeup is usually boss, you know, the makeup is every day, you know, there’s additional care and concern in the makeup. So you’re not just having a regular high, it’s an elated light to the 10th power high because there’s extra things that are taking place. And so therefore you crave that next high, that’s the addiction, you crave that high. And the more lows you have, the higher the highs may appear. But in actuality, you’re literally just grasping for you know what? What seems great, because you’re in a negative space? So the good news is amazing, but it’s really not so good.

[Jon Dabach] 07:19
Yeah, absolutely. I think part of it on a psychological or even a spiritual level, is that we constantly search as humans for meaning. Right? And celebration. Yeah, but specifically meaning, right? So like when something bad happens, what is what does everybody say? It’s like, oh, this all happens for a reason. Right? So you’re looking for the meaning. So sometimes, and I see this pattern in my own practice, I’m sure you do, too, where people make up and they have that they almost mistake all the fights as meaningful to get to this point, like, oh, the reason we had the fights is so we can make up. But that’s an unhealthy pattern. Right? It’s not good to train yourself that you have to go through the pain, just to get to the other side. Right? And so and so you’re

[Dr. Carleah East] 08:07
Necessary for growth, but whose growth and in what direction? You know, I mean, it’s not mutual.

[Jon Dabach] 08:14
Yeah. So interesting. Yeah, I love it. So what is when you say you have a workbook coming out? In conjunction with this, I think that’s great, because I’m a big homework guy. So if you’ve never been in therapy, some therapists or sit and listen and quietly kind of give suggestions, others are much more hands on and like you do this, this this this, I’m much more of the hands on kind. I don’t know, where you fall on the spectrum with like assigning your clients homework.

[Dr. Carleah East] 08:42
I’m in the middle, I’m super eclectic in my approach, because I try to match the energy of every client in front of me. So you know, I always give them tools and strategies and things to practice. They might not always be in a worksheet, it might just be a seed that I plant, but there’s always exercises. Yes, that are put into experience. Definitely, you know, because you want to give them the practice the practice, what you’re preaching in order for it to take hold.

[Jon Dabach] 09:10
Yeah, the kind of message I tell people, you can learn it cognitively, you can learn it in your head. But the journey from the head to the heart, where you actually embody the lesson is one of the hardest paths to take that a human could ever write. So I think that’s part of the impetus of the workbook. Am I right? Is putting it into practice learning how to kind of do these exercises and really embodying the lessons that you teach in the actual book.

[Dr. Carleah East] 09:36
Right? Because I think that there’s first level discovery when we read something because we are still reading from a jaded perspective. You know, I’ve had people tell me that they take my book and throw it across the room, like who is she talking? And I’m like, good, I want you to throw it across the room. You know, that means that you actually hear me speaking to you.

[Dr. Carleah East] 09:55
And that’s important for me to be able to speak directly to someone through a book Right. But then there’s also like you said practicality and for them being able to make their own self-discoveries. My job is just to point out things in the book, right to help you identify. But I think that that leaves the person wanting, because it’s then okay, I understand what it is I understand what the complaint is, but I don’t have a plan.

[Dr. Carleah East] 10:19
And so for me, the next logical step was to have a workbook because I tell, you know, my clients and students all the time, you can complain all day, but have a plan. Right? You know, what I mean, just have a plan in place. And so the workbook is that plan where you get to dive more deeply into the Word.

[Dr. Carleah East] 10:36
And now you’re dissecting, and, you know, looking at your responses, and being able to see your words and your print and go back and be like, shoot, that is the way I was thinking, or, dang, that did trigger something in me there. And I tell people all the time, when they asked me, you know, what’s a book that you would recommend for someone to read, and I’m like a journal.

[Dr. Carleah East] 10:57
And I remember, you know, this guy was like, what a journal like, that’s the best story is your story. And who’s going to check you better than you when you go back and look at where you’ve come or where you haven’t, you know, gotten to,

[Jon Dabach] 11:09
And people are so you know, I, I was telling people to keep journals. I’ll be very candid here before I ever kept a journal. And I was like, everybody knows, you should keep a journal. And I was like, I’m fine. I don’t need to keep a journal, and what kind of kicked me in the butt. And this is more about you. But I mean, I’m such a big fan of this that I have to share. I have gout. And like, one of the doctors told me Hey, why don’t you have a gout attack?

[Jon Dabach] 11:35
Why don’t you just keep a little journal? Just the dates. And, and you’ll see like, how often it was, and I was like, Yeah, cuz I’m one of those guys, you know, natural man scared of the doctor, like, I don’t want to go there. I feel like I was fine. Before I went to the doctor now have the diagnosis. It’s horrible, right? As I kept the tabs of when it happened, then I started realizing, oh, these are a lot more frequent than I Then I realized.

[Jon Dabach] 11:59
And then I was like, Okay, well, so it changed the way I approached my physical health. And I was like, well, emotionally, this is going to have an amazing effect, too. Because when you keep a journal, you’re either realizing that in your head, you’re compressing time, especially in times of trauma, or you’re extending it to kind of like, let people get away, or let yourself get away with things.

[Jon Dabach] 12:20
And when you can kind of date stamp things, you start realizing, Oh, I’m in a different place than I was even two weeks ago, I got to give myself some slack and give myself some credit for the growth I’ve seen. And that’s, especially if you tie it to a brilliant, you know, method and approach like yours, where you look at emotional addiction and how to overcome it, and you see the steps you take, I think that’s incredibly empowering to see how far you’ve come in such a short time.

[Jon Dabach] 12:47
So I love that you’ve kind of taken that on and made this workbook, can you give us an example of something that might have made someone throw a book across the room? And then you know what that was? And what an exercise to break, that pattern would look like?

[Dr. Carleah East] 13:04
Yeah, absolutely. So there’s this one chapter that I have called quick fixes. And it really focuses on the fact that we will go and return to sender for these quick fixes to make us feel stable. And that we will feel in control of it, because we are determining that this is happening, right? You know, we’re deciding, and it’s on our terms.

[Dr. Carleah East] 13:24
But in actuality, it’s just a quick fix, you know, whether it’s a sexual, you know, disclosure, whether it’s a sexual pick, you know, in our picture, or whether it’s a sexual text, these are still things that we’re doing to garner that attention. And we don’t even realize that we’re attention seeking, in that particular moment that when we send that picture of us looking good, or we’re going out or whatever to that to the random person we haven’t spoken to in weeks, that we’re actually saying, Please show me some attention.

[Dr. Carleah East] 13:50
Like I’m super desperate. And so yeah, she threw the book across the room, when she realized that that was what she was doing. And so because in that moment, she felt empowered, I got dressed, I decided, you know, and I’m going to show him, but it was for the wrong reasons. And so how do you get past that is I think that first of all, let’s be real, I’m not going to shift and change a person’s mind just from them reading chapter two, right?

[Dr. Carleah East] 14:15
And so what I try to do is give practical means of dealing. So yeah, I would love to tell you don’t send pictures to him anymore. But if that’s the pattern, and we’re just not breaking open to recognize this as a pattern, you’re not just going to stop doing that. But if I say, hey, instead of sending your pictures to him, maybe send your picture to your home girl who you know, has your back. You know what I’m saying?

[Dr. Carleah East] 14:36
Like, you need that positive reinforcement, and that’s okay, that’s not a weakness, that you need that positive reinforcement, the problem that we don’t want you to get that that pretend reinforcement from someone who’s not going to benefit you in any type of way, right? And that we know is going to utilize that for sexual benefit. We want you to feel beautiful without being sexualized within that beauty.

[Dr. Carleah East] 14:56
And so therefore, send it to someone that can reciprocate and give you that energy but not necessarily feed into the other part. And so it’s kind of a meet you halfway type of approach that I utilize as a therapeutic strategy because I understand that people are on different levels. And that all or nothing approach, we don’t want people to think that way. So we can’t treat and provide assistance that way.

[Jon Dabach] 15:16
Yeah, absolutely. And I find it, I find that comes up quite a bit in practice to where if one partner is going through something with their family, or one, or if they’re going through something with their own abandonment issues, or their own trauma in the relationship, and one partner, you know, is kind of in a different place.

[Jon Dabach] 15:35
They keep belaboring right, they keep arguing, even in a marriage, and they keep talking and like one kind of quick fix for that to kind of get the mat is like, don’t talk to your partner about that anymore. find, find, you know, bring it to therapy, talk to your pastor, your priest, or your mom, you know, depends on someone who isn’t going to be the relationship that you’re complaining about, right, because that person takes it as an attack, they take it as a criticism.

[Jon Dabach] 16:01
And so sometimes it’s like, getting that steam off in a way and getting the attention. I’ve never thought about it that way. But you’re right, getting the attention from a healthier place, if you still need it until you’re at the point where you don’t want the attention at all or don’t need it as often is a great is a great kind of way to do that.

[Dr. Carleah East] 16:21
Normalizing those emotions, because they are normal, and they’re not, you know, indicative of you being promiscuous or indicative of you being weak. These are human feelings and emotions. And what I try to get people to understand is that feeling that drive that came from a pure place, regardless of you know, we may give in to it and in unhealthy ways, the emotion comes from a pure experience that we had. And so it’s understanding that there is normalcy in the way that I feel, and that I can feed into it to an extent, right, but in a healthier way.

[Jon Dabach] 16:57
So I’m just processing everything you said, because so if I’m quiet, it’s not. I’m just trying to think it’s all good stuff. So what was the impetus when you wrote the first edition? That got you to really want to write this book? Were you seeing it in your own life? Were you seeing it in your practice?

[Dr. Carleah East] 17:14
Yeah, so I’m guilty marriage the same dude twice? Like, absolutely. I was deep, emotional addiction. Let me tell you absolutely marry the same dude. Did you?

[Jon Dabach] 17:25
Did you remarry? The exact same guy or the same type of guy twice? No, the exact same guy. So you guys split up and got remarried? Yes. Are you still married? Or did it?

[Dr. Carleah East] 17:38
No, it didn’t work out a second time. And so get don’t get me wrong. I have, I have nothing against couples breaking up divorcing and coming back together. This is about this was about the fact that I knew that I wasn’t with someone healthy. I was in love with the ideology of being in love. But I also loved him. Right?

[Dr. Carleah East] 17:57
So there’s a mixture there. I was at that point where it’s, you know, your professor, you’re this you’re that you need to be married? When you’re over? You know, you’re almost 30? What’s going on? Like, there were all these things that were playing a role into stereotypes and culture and all of that, and

[Jon Dabach] 18:16
A narrative you kind of weaved for? Absolutely, absolutely.

[Dr. Carleah East] 18:19
And then you look at your parents, and they got married young and been married forever. And you’re like, oh, my God, I don’t want to mess it up. So there’s all of that. So I ended up marrying him. And you know, he had some addiction issues, and just didn’t work out. But the guilt that I felt from the divorce, because it wasn’t something that in my mind, at that time, that God was releasing me from right, the big thing had been violated.

[Dr. Carleah East] 18:44
As far as to release me from the marriage, spiritually, no one had stepped out. So how could I leave, I wasn’t being hit on and abused, or I wasn’t being called out of my name. So what is my problem? You know, so it’s these types of things that make you stay and rationalize. And so we went back into the relationship, again, with the same issues that we had the first time.

[Dr. Carleah East] 19:04
And so in understanding why I kept going back, and the fact that I didn’t have certain connections, you know, even like, with my father, him being, you know, military and, you know, very stern and his thought processes, and being huge in the community means less time at home, you know, and so you don’t get that consistency, like you would love and so you look for that in relationships, you know, and I had to be real about that’s what I was doing.

[Dr. Carleah East] 19:30
Yeah. And so from my own story, and coming out of it, so to speak, I knew that other individuals were going to have struggles and challenges in the same area, you know, because we all get that same historical message of what how you are defined as someone of worth value. And so that’s what really stemmed it.

[Dr. Carleah East] 19:50
And I was like, I got to help people recognize, you know, when they are in these emotional relationships, cycles, and how to break themselves free and be okay. With being single, because single is not alone. Right? Single is that you’re not in necessarily a relationship, but that doesn’t mean you’re destitute and dire. And, you know, you know, and abandoned, it means that you’re not in a relationship or in an intimate one.

[Dr. Carleah East] 20:18
But what about all the relationships you are in? Think about those. Are you really alone? No, you’re not alone. But the thought process gets you there. And so that’s what the book really talks about is helping us feel very confident in our spaces of being single and being okay with that space.

[Jon Dabach] 20:35
And does your book. Is it specific to romantic relationships? Or are these emotional addictions also in parent child or friendship? Does it go into that? Or is it focused? Now the

[Dr. Carleah East] 20:46
Book definitely is more of a relationship, baseline. But to be honest, I’ve had people who read it, and we’re able to totally apply some of the same concepts and ideas because when you think about a relationship, that doesn’t mean intimacy, right, a relationship is connection between two people. And hopefully there’s reciprocity in that dynamic, right. And so the book can be applied, but it is about relationships.

[Dr. Carleah East] 21:12
And I like it, because it’s about fluid relationships, meaning no matter how you identify who you identify, and what you do with and who you love, and how you choose to love. The book applies because it’s about our esbe ct, first of all, and it’s also about you, getting back to you and feeling good about your baseline so that you can be the best partner or mate, husband or wife in a relationship.

[Jon Dabach] 21:37
Okay, great. Can I ask you something about you? So you mentioned your dad was military? Is that right? So I, this is just curious. And if it’s too personally, we can change the subject, but and I’ll even edit it out if you want. But, but I’ve found that, you know, when I deal with people who have single parents, where they’re in a single parent household, their love language that they often have is acts of service.

[Jon Dabach] 22:04
I’m curious with military where there’s like gaps, where you don’t see them as much. Is quality time one of your love languages? Or is it something that like is far distant? And like not as meaningful? And it’s just one case, but I’m kind of curious, absolutely impact.

[Dr. Carleah East] 22:19
No quality time is a huge love language for me. And I think for me, it wasn’t that my father wasn’t there physically. It was there. He wasn’t there verbally and emotionally, right. That’s the paradigm that many of us face and don’t even realize that that’s playing a role in why we sometimes search for that connections and other places, because a person can be sitting right in the room with you and not be there. Right. And so that was more of my experience. But to answer your question, yes. I mean, but I think that just stems from my soul. Yeah.

[Jon Dabach] 22:51
Yeah, that’s true. Yeah. If he wasn’t present than it has no, really, yeah, I was trying to get a correlation. But you’re right. That’s just who you are. Innately. I’m, it’s yeah, that’s, I’m fumbling now, but I totally know, but

[Dr. Carleah East] 23:03
I have seen it on the other side, like, let’s be real, like, we’ve definitely seen that lack of presence there, where we try to compensate for that, you know, through our connections with people and those connections with people do become obsessive, because we did not get it so much, you know, when we were younger, so we crave it to a certain unhealthy extent to we put ourselves in positions of giving up who we are, you know, or allowing ourselves to be mishandled or abused, you know, but this is not just physical punches to the eye and grabs on the arm, you know, of course.

[Dr. Carleah East] 23:36
Spiritual Yeah, absolutely. And so, yes, you know, and that other side, absolutely, there’s a correlation between those two and I do see that happening all the time.

[Jon Dabach] 23:46
I you know, it’s interesting, you brought up like a father figure who’s not emotionally or verbally there. And it’s, it’s funny when I get clients who are younger, who are American who grew up in a pretty kind of milk toasts, culture, because the fathers lately have the like, I call this generation the I Love You generation.

[Jon Dabach] 24:07
So it’s a whole new different set of issues. But especially when I’m talking to different cultures, like my dad’s Israeli I have a lot Hispanic clients are African American. And like, that’s, it’s I feel like in my own culture, it’s like one generation behind where like, the men are still men who are quiet and stoic, not always, but it’s like it has a different impact on the people I see.

[Jon Dabach] 24:29
When they come in. It’s like, well, you know, some people say, Well, my father never said I love you in 20 years, you know, so it is it’s so interesting and it’s got its benefits and drawbacks because those I love you guys are coddled, you know, and then they feel like it’s like I ran now they’re oversensitive. So it’s like finding that weird balance.

[Jon Dabach] 24:48
How do you know find that does either one of those play into emotional addiction having a parent possibly who was either completely emotionally unavailable For one who was too emotionally available, does that, would that play into kind of what you’re?

[Dr. Carleah East] 25:06
Yeah, absolutely. I mentioned that within I think the first chapter it talks about, you know, what is our primary example of a healthy or an unhealthy or relationship, right? Whether we know is healthy or not. And so parents, and so if you had a mom that was, you know, submissive to a fault, then you pick up those behaviors, you know, if you have a father that’s, you know, not necessarily hands on, or one that’s constantly hands on you.

[Dr. Carleah East] 25:33
Absolutely. And that plays a role into how you begin to define yourself in these relationships, which means, how you communicate in these relationships, how you express yourself, how you put your foot down, how you set boundaries. And so absolutely, that is our first role model, right?

[Dr. Carleah East] 25:48
Is what we see in the home, whether we want to acknowledge it or not, even if it’s because we’re fighting not to be that that is still your first role model, even if it’s like a really piss poor example. And that’s what got you going into this direction, you got to recognize you’re going in this direction, because of this baseline. And so what we experienced in the home is always going to have an impact on us, it doesn’t have to be a negative impact, but it’s still going to have an impact.

[Jon Dabach] 26:13
When you’re breaking through these patterns, I assume that there’s, you know, it’s hard for a lot of people and their stress, have you do you go into how to de stress in the book? Or? And if not, how do you personally kind of deal with those, you know, pain points of growth?

[Dr. Carleah East] 26:30
Right, right. You know, I think the book is an outline so that everything that I confront, right, the reader on, I have an exercise for them to practice themselves. And one of the exercises that I really focus on because the book makes you look at yourself, and let’s be real, that can be difficult, you know, to really just kind of peel back the layers take off our masks that we put on sometimes it really be transparent in the truth, right.

[Dr. Carleah East] 26:57
And so, one of the exercises I have them do is a mantra, which is really about them writing down everything they can stand about themselves, like every language, you know, it’s easy, you know, my blood, my thighs, you know, my receding hairline, whatever that is, whatever that thing is that you have that you don’t like you write it down. Sure. And then you flip it. Why do you have this?

[Dr. Carleah East] 27:18
You know, like, why do I have these stretch marks because I brought life into the world because, you know, I lost weight, or because I gained weight, hustling and working and I had to sacrifice certain things. Again, there’s a reason why we’re here, right? And so what society has taught us is to take those things that make us feel bad, be stressed about them, getting anxiety about them, and then hide ourselves and cover up with all these items, you know, clothing, food, people, Saks, whatever.

[Dr. Carleah East] 27:44
And so I get to try to paint a picture of them recognizing, okay, these are all these negatives that I’ve kind of put in here. But why do I have these negatives? And then now that I recognize why I have them? Is it negative? Or is it a testimony? You know what I mean? Is it a story of my resilience?

[Dr. Carleah East] 28:02
You know, is it a story of my survival? Is it my thriving that has me, you know, doing it this way. And so that reframing exercise just of that helps to relieve a lot of the anxiety about people just being accepting of where they are and who they are. And knowing that the war wounds that we carry, you know what I mean? Are because we went through and came out and are still here, and we have to look at those with pride instead of shame.

[Jon Dabach] 28:32
I think that’s a great exercise and I love that you call it a mantra even though you’re Compounding this crazy list. The essence of it is you and you kind of Become Your Own mantra your like you’re learning becomes your mantra that’s beautiful. Dr. CarLeah East thank you so much for being here. You can find Dr. Curley online at Smile psychology.com. And her book, the first edition is already has been out. And do you want to kind of tell people how they can get what’s the easiest way to get their own copy?

[Dr. Carleah East] 29:03
Absolutely, just go to smile psychology.com and click on Dr. E speaks and there you will find my book and you can order it straight from there. And I will sign it and give it to you. It’s not available on Amazon because now that we’re transitioning, you know, to a second edition, and so we have some limited amount left and so I encourage people to go ahead and hop on it. But it is such a great opportunity to be on your show. I thank you so much.

[Dr. Carleah East] 29:28
And I hope that these words have been inspiring, encouraging for us to just continue to be super freaking proud, you know of who we are and start giving ourselves more compassion than we normally do.

[Jon Dabach] 29:39
If you’re interested in learning how to get the absolute most out of your romantic relationships then you’re in luck because I have put together a free workshop or masterclass if you will about three secrets that people in happy relationships have discovered.

[Jon Dabach] 29:55
You can view the workshop and mrspirituality.com/ three secrets again. It’s completely free. Just go there and watch it. It’ll help you on your journey give you some wisdoms and things to think about. The website again is mrspirituality.com/three secrets. That’s mrspirituality.com/the Number three, the word secrets. It’s all yours. Enjoy


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