Where you can find Danielle:
https://www.thefeelingspace.me
@thefeelingspace
danielle@thefeelingspace.me

Transcript:

[Jon Dabach] 00:00
Today on the relationship Revival Show, I’m joined by guest Danielle Golan. Danielle is the owner of a California based group practice called the feeling space. Danielle primarily works with the LGBTQIA+ community, Polly and ENM couples and individuals. And creatives and executives in the film industry. Danielle is trained in EMDR and brain spotting. And specializes in anxiety, trauma, and relationship issues.

[Jon Dabach] 00:27
You’re listening to the relationship revival podcast with Jon Dabach, also known as Mr. Spirituality. That’s me, I’m your host giving you insights and guidance from over 10 years in the field of this amazing journey we call romance on this show, I go over everything you need to know about how to get into a relationship, how to get the most out of a relationship, and sometimes even how to gracefully end a relationship without pulling your hair out and going crazy. And occasionally, I’m even joined by new and old friends who are also relationship experts to bring you guidance and wisdom with new perspectives.

[Jon Dabach] 01:03
Thanks for stopping by. So we’re talking to Danielle Golan. And Danielle is a therapist who works in California and also in Florida. You’re 100% virtual, were you 100% virtual because of COVID or kind of was that your intention going into it? What I mean? You know, that’s the typical story. How did

[Danielle Golan] 01:23
I mean I started my practice, literally March 2020. And I was working with someone who had an office and I was in and out of the office, you know, for the first few weeks. And then as COVID happened, everything shut down. And I would come in to see like little little kids with like, you know, a double mask on six feet distance and stuff like that.

[Danielle Golan] 01:43
And then throughout time, I was like, honestly, I love virtual I love just being at home, I love you know, going to yoga and then hopping into a session and then, you know, doing my own thing. And then eventually I started traveling while being a therapist. So I you know, did Europe for a few months. I currently live in New York, I did you know, the West Coast, you know, just traveling up and down and all virtual, so it was pretty cool.

[Jon Dabach] 02:09
Do you find that it presents any challenges for you when working with people?

[Danielle Golan] 02:14
Being all virtual?

[Jon Dabach] 02:17
Yeah, virtual versus being in person question.

[Danielle Golan] 02:19
I personally think that it’s more intimate, because I’m in someone’s home with them. I’m in their safe space. I usually see like, you know, some clients in their pajamas or some clients in bed, you know, with a blanket, and they just feel really cozy and comfortable.

[Danielle Golan] 02:35
As opposed to I know, in the past, like clients would drive in LA traffic, you know, trying to make it to the session, they’d be a few minutes late. They’re huffing and puffing going up the stairs, and then they sit down and they’re like, and I’m like, Okay, let’s decompress for a few minutes, you know?

[Jon Dabach] 02:51
So, yeah, so really, no, is the answer. It’s more beneficial.

[Danielle Golan] 02:56
I personally, I love it. And honestly, COVID was a odd, horrible blessing in disguise. So yeah.

[Jon Dabach] 03:05
Very cool. Well, so I wanted to talk to you for a couple of reasons. So I, you know, most of the people I work with, I think a lot of therapists and counselors or coaches or attract people who have some kind of similarities to themselves or whatever, I’m not sure exactly how it ends up happening. But just so happens that most of the population I deal with are kind of cisgender heteronormative, they’re dealing with the kind of classic family structure of either being a new couple or having kids and it’s just kind of been what I’ve dealt with for over 10 years.

[Jon Dabach] 03:39
And occasionally I get, I’ll get a client who is in the LGBTQ i a plus community, or is kind of in this new polyamory world. That is, I mean, it’s not really new, but it’s kind of you know, a little bit more exposed than it used to be. And I’m happy to work with them. But there is a, there are differences. And so I end up usually referring out because I feel like if you want someone who has a specialty in something, it’s better to be with the best person as opposed to just someone you picked off at random or you think you want so I you know, part of the goal with this show is for me to learn personally, and kind of be able to advise people and also to educate people.

[Jon Dabach] 04:21
So there are definitely a lot of people in that cisgender heteronormative world that have no idea what it’s like what additional challenges, if any, there are in those two communities, and since you have specialties in those, I’d love to kind of explore your thoughts on you know, what are the differences?

[Jon Dabach] 04:40
Are there differences in approach and what are some challenges and all that kind of stuff, so I don’t know exactly where to begin? What’s your kind of initial thoughts on you know, how you jump into that world if it’s totally new for totally.

[Danielle Golan] 04:53
I think for everyone, it’s completely different for the majority of the people that I see in my practice, it’s one of the partners actually want to explore their sexuality or their gender identity. And they’re unable to do so within the confines of their current relationship.

[Danielle Golan] 05:09
So they ended up you know, asking their partners having deep discussions, coming to sessions with me to discuss opening up the marriage or opening up the relationship in order to explore their sexuality in that way. So what I usually do is kind of talk about each person’s wants and needs from an Imago theory perspective, and I can kind of get into that, too.

[Danielle Golan] 05:31
And then from there, we move on to sort of creating a contract together, you know, a really firm foundation, okay? Like, if I’m going to open up this marriage, what is it going to look like? Can I bring this person home to our home? Let’s say we have kids or whatever, can I bring this person to our home? Can I not? Is it going to be really secretive, do not want to know anything about my other relationship?

[Danielle Golan] 05:54
You know? Like, are we going to? Are we going to swing? Are we going to include other people? Are we going to create a pod, there’s so many different ways to go about this. But the things that I see primarily are either, you know, couples in crisis, as I’m sure you see, as well, two couples in crisis that they’ve already opened up the marriage or the relationship and things are going downhill because they haven’t created that strong foundation and structure.

[Danielle Golan] 06:17
Or I see couples who are like looking to open it up. And they’re like trying to explore how to do that as well, too.

[Jon Dabach] 06:25
Mm hmm. When people come into a session with you, and one person wants to open it up, and the other person has hesitation where they say, I don’t know, if I’ll ever be comfortable with it. What’s the way you can start unpacking that? Because I feel like that happens quite a bit, even in my own practice where someone says, I want to open it up. And it’s a tricky kind of processed?

[Danielle Golan] 06:49
Again, a great question. It really depends on the person, we kind of, we go into background, I always go into the background of the clients, you know, see how they met, what attracted them to one another, things like that, and then asking them, why they want to open up the relationship or the marriage, and then asking each individual partner what that means to them. Like for some, you know, they’re like, Oh, you want to open up the marriage?

[Danielle Golan] 07:13
Like, that’s infidelity? You’re cheating on me. I don’t like that. So then we discuss, you know, smaller things, what defines cheating in your book, you know, starting from there, what defines, you know, like, is kissing cheating? Is sex cheating is just emotional relationships, cheating? So then we start from there, but it is really difficult.

[Danielle Golan] 07:32
I’m trying to think like, I’m like, with other clients, how I’ve sort of navigated that. I think it’s just deeper discussions and coming to a negotiation. I always talk about negotiation in my couple sessions, like, okay, like, if you don’t want to open up, then where are we going to go with this relationship? What are you like, what are you both comfortable with? And how are we going to continue on kind of thing? Yeah.

[Jon Dabach] 07:53
So do you find that you act as a mediator in those negotiations? Or is it more teaching them how to negotiate with each other, though,

[Danielle Golan] 08:01
I’m definitely the mediator. And then I help them negotiate, I help them see that they have two contrasting views on something and helping them kind of come together almost like they’re on to extremes, and helping them sort of like inch together to find a middle ground.

[Danielle Golan] 08:15
And sometimes they don’t find a middle ground. You know, I’m sure, again, that you’ve experienced this that a lot of couples come in, in crisis, and they’re on the verge of divorce, you know, or they’re on the verge of breaking up. And they kind of put everything on the therapist, they’re like, Okay, save our marriage, save, save this relationship. And it’s just like, No, you guys should have come in.

[Danielle Golan] 08:33
And you know, you know, two years ago, when you were having these issues, you know, I can’t I can’t save your marriage, I can’t save your relationship. You’re coming in to see if things can work out in the end, if that makes sense.

[Jon Dabach] 08:44
Sure, sure. Absolutely. When you say, you know, the reasons people want to explore opening the relationship? Do you have kind of a top five reason list of why they want to open it up?

[Jon Dabach] 09:00
Because for someone who’s in a committed marriage, you know, the only reason in their mind often because I’ve had these conversations with clients where they’re like, I don’t understand that world, you know, and it’s like, okay, because in in a in a heteronormative, kind of classic, monogamous relationship, the idea of opening it up, you’re right is, especially if it goes just kind of make it black and white as sex is like the classic benchmark of that’s considered cheating.

[Jon Dabach] 09:28
You know, is it just about the sex for these people when they come to you, and if not explain that emotional journey so that people who aren’t there in their own heart or their head can understand and maybe have some empathy of what’s missing in the marriage or in their life.

 

[Danielle Golan] 09:44
So for majority of the people that I see, it’s actually not just purely sexual. It could also be emotional as well, too. I always like you know, like I mentioned earlier, I take it back to the wants and needs. Let’s say I’m in a heterosexual really Friendship with a man.

[Danielle Golan] 10:02
And I have a certain fetish that, you know, I want to explore. Or let’s say I’m in the BDSM community and like, I really want to explore this part of myself.

[Danielle Golan] 10:12
So I’ll bring it to my partner, and I’ll be like, hey, I really want to explore this. And you know, he’s just like, No, not for me. Don’t like this not going to do it. So then we discuss opening up the relationship. And then I go ahead and explore that with other people, I explore that side of myself with other people, so I don’t suppress it.

[Danielle Golan] 10:32
And then what ends up happening in return is that I come to my partner and the relationship feels a lot closer, because I’m getting my needs met. Elsewhere, I’m getting, you know, certain needs met from this partner, and I’m getting my needs met from somewhere else, if that makes sense.

[Danielle Golan] 10:47
So you mentioned like, the top five sort of things, the top five is usually Yeah, exploring, you know, sexual identities slash gender identity. Exploring fetishes. A lot of times, it’s people who are, like, let’s say, like, you know, a woman who just are like, female bodied person who just had a baby, you know, and there, and they’re not feeling comfortable sexually, things like that.

[Danielle Golan] 11:16
So they open it up, like their husbands want to explore sexual because they’re not receiving it in the home, they’ll open it up like that. Another reason is, they just want to see like their kind of, you know, been in a relationship for 25 years, they’re the only people that they’ve ever seen. And they just want to explore that. For some people, it’s also a turn on, like, they want to hear about their partner going somewhere else and having sex and listening to all the details, and that turns them on, and then they come home, and then they feel super aroused by that as well, too.

[Danielle Golan] 11:44
And it brings the couple closer together. So there’s so many different reasons as to why people open up a relationship or a marriage.

[Jon Dabach] 11:52
And what I’m hearing there is in an ideal situation, this is a way where the two can come together even more where they can bond even deeper, when it’s done in a consensual way, with like, clear understanding and, and people not kind of, you know, taking advantage of a situation worse.

[Danielle Golan] 12:14
Yeah. Yeah. And I’ve seen, you know, I’ve seen people come so much closer together, like having this experience, because they also learn how to communicate with one another, they learn how to set boundaries, they learn how to debrief after sex, like let’s say, you know, they have a sexual experience, and they get to talk about it like, and they never did that before.

[Danielle Golan] 12:32
Yeah, so I think it usually does bring couples together. But I will say, that doesn’t happen always, you know, this, its difficult stuff. It’s really difficult, you know, maintaining your primary relationship and then opening it up. And of course, you know, jealousy can come in, but then you bring that into therapy, and you discuss the jealousy that’s coming up. It’s, it’s an experiment with one another.

[Jon Dabach] 12:53
And how do you approach jealousy? Because that is something that probably comes up more often. Yeah. So

[Danielle Golan] 12:58
Let’s say, you know, a husband and wife come to, like, you know, come to therapy. And the husband says, like, I, I don’t want to hear about what you’re doing out there. Okay, so the wife, you know, doesn’t disclose, and then, you know, the husband is brewing with jealousy.

[Danielle Golan] 13:15
So he brings it into the session, and we kind of break it down. Why are you feeling this jealousy? What’s coming up for you? How can we change the initial agreement that we made? So this sort of softens things, so you feel more comfortable in this sort of dynamic, you know, and we kind of just, like, tweak it and see if that helps. And then let’s say she goes out next time.

[Danielle Golan] 13:33
And now she tells him, hey, like, I went on a date with this person in here. This is where we’re going, and this is what we did. And then he it alleviates that tension. He’s just like, Wow, I feel so much better. Thanks for telling me. So it depends on the person. It depends on the couple. Yeah.

[Jon Dabach] 13:50
And are you seeing this happen more often? Now? I mean, obviously, your your practice is expanding, you’re opening a group practice. So obviously, it’s expanding. Why do you think the culture and society is kind of more open minded to this stuff now than it has been in the past?

[Danielle Golan] 14:09
Wow. I think because people are done, you know, staying in the confines of societal sort of boundaries, I think they want to explore themselves. I think, you know, things have been taboo for so long, people are kind of breaking against, you know, societal constructs. And I also think a really fun additive thing is social media, like all of these things that were really underground and very hush. People are talking about them openly, you know, and people are discussing them and it’s on your quote, unquote, tik tock like for you page, and then you meet people through social media. So it’s definitely like, it’s always been there, you know, but now it’s more discussed. Yeah.

[Jon Dabach] 14:55
So there’s just more opportunity, more access. And so that’s kind of sparking people’s curiosity. And giving them courage to try things is that kind of thing? Yeah.

[Danielle Golan] 15:03
And I think people are just, you know, like, even with sexual identity people, they’re like, you know, my whole life, I was so scared to come out because society didn’t accept, you know, the LGBTQIA plus community. But now that there’s such an acceptance or growing acceptance, I feel so much more comfortable expressing myself in this way, kind of thing.

[Jon Dabach] 15:25
Mm hmm. What has it happened? Where someone I’m sure it has, but have you dealt with it, I should say where someone goes out experiments. And it ends up very badly for them. And they come back and have to kind of deal and unpack that in therapy and what you know, what can you kind of go through what a situation like that looks like and how it might affect the relationship.

[Danielle Golan] 15:48
So I’ve seen I’ve seen cases where the couple hasn’t created, that foundation has not discussed it, almost ad nauseam, and they go out, and it’s step by step. So let’s say they’re on field or they’re on threaded, or whatever, like one of these apps. And they don’t tell their partner, even from that position.

[Danielle Golan] 16:09
They don’t tell their partner that they’re on these apps, they don’t share with the people on these apps, that they are in an open relationship or an open marriage. And then they go ahead and explore, and they go on these dates, and they do all of these things. And none of the foundation is there, then its infidelity. You know, you’re cheating on your partner, you know, because you haven’t disclosed this.

[Danielle Golan] 16:28
Yes, you’re open, but you didn’t disclose certain boundaries. And now you’re going outside of those sort of like, boundaries, right? Are there those bounds, and then what tends to happen is just, it causes chaos in the relationship. You know, people feel uncomfortable, people feel mistreated me, people feel betrayed in the couple, so they have to come back in and we have to kind of like flesh it all out, you know, over a session or two or three or five, you know?

[Jon Dabach] 16:58
Mm hmm. And what if, what if you know, you have a, so that’s interesting, because that talks about the trauma that might happen, kind of inside the actual relationship, what I was kind of getting at is, let’s say you have someone, let’s just pick so let’s say the husband wants to go out and explore certain, certain fantasies or certain things that the wife’s not comfortable with. And he goes out, and he explores them and realize them, Oh, this isn’t for me.

[Jon Dabach] 17:24
And he has to kind of walk back into the more traditional structure, because he’s like, I step too far. Does that happen? And when that does, is that just kind of reopening the conversation of the contract? Or is it slightly different at that point?

 

[Danielle Golan] 17:37
Yeah, I mean, that happens all the time. And this is the fun thing as well, too. Like, sometimes, you know, I’ll be discussing this with couples. And then through the discussion, they realize, like, I’m so in love with you, like, let’s say, you know, I’m seeing a queer couple, they’re like, I’m so in love with you. I don’t know why I wanted to open up this relationship in the first place. Like, we don’t need to do that anymore.

[Danielle Golan] 17:59
So sometimes I see that as well, too, because they learn how to communicate, they learn how to build a foundation, they learn what was what was initially missing in the primary partnership. And then they’re like, I don’t need to open this up anymore. I’m really receiving all of my needs in this primary relationship, or in this relationship here.

[Jon Dabach] 18:19
And what do you see like, so that’s interesting, you know, I have everything here that I need. What did them? What do people think they’re missing in the relationships that they go exploring for?

[Danielle Golan] 18:28
Yeah, I think it’s so many things, you know, some, for some people, it’s emotional. Like, I’ll give you some, some background, I always bring this up, because it’s one of my favorite theories. So there is a Mago theory that’s made by Harville Hendricks and Helen Hunt.

[Danielle Golan] 18:44
And this theory, basically, and I’m sure you know, that we fall in love with people who are familiar to us. And let’s say I have a wound with my mother or a wound with my father, I will subconsciously fall in love with someone who will present that same wound in need, and I will have to work through that wound in that partnership.

[Danielle Golan] 19:03
Right. So let’s say my deep wants and need is like I’ve always wanted to be seen and heard by my mother, right? And I’m in a relationship with someone who doesn’t see me who doesn’t hear me, and I’m repeating that same wound. And you know, I love this person, I have three kids with this person, and I don’t want to leave.

[Danielle Golan] 19:22
So we kind of discussed opening up the marriage so I can receive that want and need from someone else. And it could be a friend, it could be you know, a lover, it could be whoever you know, and it could just be that emotional need that I that I want from that person.

[Jon Dabach] 19:38
Right. Right. It’s so interesting. I we’ve had a couple of Mago therapists on and you know, I it’s hard to argue with the efficacy of it because so many people and I’ve seen so many people do so. Such great things with it. I’ve always had a bit of a question. It’s like to me it’s like, are you because the corporate tool is the first 18 months of your life is where that moon is opened for Right.

 

[Jon Dabach] 20:00
And it’s like, I don’t know if I buy into that. But regardless of whether or not that wound is created there, the practice of Imago therapy is so powerful that like, I don’t really care about the wound, it’s just like I’ve seen couples, you know, just thrive on it.

[Jon Dabach] 20:16
So like whether or not that 18 months thing is, is true. And there’s really no way to prove it on a clinical level. But it’s still fascinating how effective it is and repairing those deep kind of emotional issues that people have, and have an eye and you’re the first person I’ve talked to who uses a Mongo in conjunction with the LGBTQIA plus and polyamory community, is there a difference in the way you practice it? Or is it still just touching on getting to people’s wounds?

[Jon Dabach] 20:47
Excuse me kind of getting to those core wounds, addressing those needs? And kind of filling those holes? Yeah,

[Danielle Golan] 20:53
I mean, so I’m not like fully trained in Mongo, but like in a Mago theory, but I am. I love them, I’ll go theory, and I utilize it a lot in my work the foundation of it. So I think it’s quite the same. And speaking to the 18 month thing that you were just describing, I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that.

[Danielle Golan] 21:09
But a lot of my clients, like, I’ll see wounds that happen when they’re, you know, 14, and their dad cheats on their mom or something like that. And that wounds, you know, yeah, no, exactly. Yeah. And that drew us into their relationships. And it’s super subconscious. I see it all the time.

[Danielle Golan] 21:24
It’s like, you know, they don’t want to form a commitment with their partner because of that wound that happened in their teenage years. So I don’t know if I agree with the 18 months thing. But yeah.

[Jon Dabach] 21:36
So I guess it might, it’s not just that’s further proof that like, it’s not a prerequisite to practicing some of the things I mean, if you take it and you just say, well, something happened to me when I was 14, I don’t even know if that even qualifies as a Mago.

[Jon Dabach] 21:48
Anymore, because it’s like, well, everybody has teenage and childhood trauma. And it’s like, why is that? So specific to Imago? But the the way you get over it, and the way we treat it is so strong? And do you? I mean, do you do some of the imago? Like couples practice thing? Where you have

[Danielle Golan] 22:03
All these other seeing each other? Yeah, sometimes I’ll definitely, or I’ll do like wants a needs list. You know, kind of like, what did you want from your mom? What did you want from your dad kind of thing that have they, write them down? And read them to one another? And ask if those needs are being met? Things like that? Yeah.

[Jon Dabach] 22:20
Yeah, that’s a good, that’s a good point. It’s, that’s, that’s, that’s all good exercise is all fantastic to do. You also have kind of a sub specialty, or maybe just that client population that you work with in the film and TV industry. Is that right? Yeah. And is there? Are there challenges in that world that you find or differences in those relationships that are unique? Or is it just so happens to be like, those are just some people

[Danielle Golan] 22:47
That you know, I mean, there are definitely some challenges in that, in that community as well, too. I think it’s the work ethic, the work hours are really grueling and daunting. The travel, like a lot of the people that I do see, I see both creatives, and I see execs in the film industry.

[Danielle Golan] 23:04
And it’s the hours like they’re working, you know, 16 hour days, they are, you know, they don’t see their families for X amount of time, you know, they have to travel to God knows where and be there for six months and not see their family. So I do see that a lot.

[Danielle Golan] 23:20
And it’s just the work hours and the work ethic as well, too. It’s, you’re always on the clock, you’re always, you know, trying to push through before a deadline kind of thing, because in the film industry, time equals money. So

[Jon Dabach] 23:34
Yeah, well in every industry, but I think it’s so I worked in the film industry for a little bit. And I think what’s interesting about it is that there’s this assumption. And this might even help when you’re dealing with some clients, because I still have friends in the in the in the industry, there’s this assumption that it’s your dream job. So people are more willing to take advantage of you.

[Jon Dabach] 23:58
Because if if you don’t want to do it, there’s 10,000 people lining up to take the job for free, at least for a couple years. Right? Because there’s so much passion into it. And there’s a there’s a lot of abuse of that desire to succeed. And that’s where the exploitation of the extra hours and stuff. I mean, because look, there are other there are other jobs where people work 12 and 14 hour days, I mean that there’s a lot of lawyers who put in that kind of time.

[Jon Dabach] 24:26
And they don’t have the same kind of trauma because there’s an hourly rate that they’re getting compensated for if they’re putting the whereas like with the film industry, people expect you to do all of it for free, or like just as that’s just part of your job description, as well as a little bit of you know, kind of just for lack of a better word, there’s a lot of kissing.

[Jon Dabach] 24:49
But that you have to do and kind of the politics in that world is very sensitive, and there’s a lot of very high caliber egos so it’s interesting to see how people’s like dreams are so like in terms of the work ethic, and they had the problem with interns for the same reason years ago, where people were working for free, which was like totally illegal, and it’s like, oh, then they had to put a stop to it.

[Danielle Golan] 25:10
I definitely see that I see that there is sort of this ebb and flow with highs and lows, like, you know, they’ll get an audition, or they’ll get a part. You know, let’s, let’s say it’s an actor. And it’s the high of like, oh, my God, I got this role. This is incredible. And then two weeks later, it’s just completely low. It’s like, oh, my God, what is my life? What’s the next project? I don’t know how I’m going to do this. Like, I don’t know if I can financially sustain this. I just, you know, I have a 30 year mortgage that I can’t pay, you know, so there’s the highs and the lows of the industry that I also see a lot too.

[Jon Dabach] 25:46
And as far as infidelity in that, in that community, I always it’s so interesting, because social media has changed so much of it. But I’ll I used to tell people about eight years ago, nine years ago, that infidelity and kind of crossing certain boundaries that you’re not communicating with your wife happens or husband, what happens for two reasons, one, you’re not communicating.

[Jon Dabach] 26:07
And then two, there’s opportunity. So someone who like worked at home before all the apps came out and social media, there was less of a chance that there was going to be that infidelity. And housewives classically, just didn’t, weren’t exposed, you know, to having been in the film industry.

[Jon Dabach] 26:25
Everybody’s beautiful, and like you’re traveling, and you just have so much more opportunity for those kinds of things on both sexes, but I kind of feel like the social media apps have somewhat evened it out, even for people who are home all day.

[Jon Dabach] 26:40
So maybe it’s not as, as uncommon, you know, or maybe Hollywood doesn’t have as much of a different edge anymore. It’s like a normal kind of, quote, unquote, and normal job.

[Jon Dabach] 26:51
Do you see more exploration and infidelity and issues in the film industry? Or do you feel like it’s just kind of par across the board now, where people are dealing with the same, it’s kind of democratize that issue? Across the board,

[Danielle Golan] 27:06
I think that there’s going to be infidelity in every industry. But there is something about the film industry, because it is like a family, you know, you’re traveling with people for, let’s say, four months at a time, and you get really close and you’re staying at the same hotel, it’s kind of like, this vacation mentality.

[Danielle Golan] 27:22
And also, if you are an actor, and you’re supposed to be playing, but you fall in love with another actor, you know, there’s, there’s so many, you know, cases that I have, that, you know, they fall in love on set, they’re married, they have children, and then they’re supposed to fall in love with this person, you know, on set, and they actually do you know, and then once they leave set, they’re like, What the hell did I do? What kind of world was I just living in for five months? Four months, whatever it is, you know?

[Jon Dabach] 27:48
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Because they’re good, because they’re good at their job. And they kind of get lost in the character and lost in the story of it all. I get that. I totally see that. So interesting. How does, how does your background in in trauma kind of feed into your right,

[Danielle Golan] 28:05
Yeah, I mean, so let me give you some background as well, too. I actually was an actor, I moved out to LA to be an actor. So I do have that background. And I was studying Strasburg. And they do this thing called Basic relaxation. And through basic relaxation, you relax your whole body, you start moving it.

[Danielle Golan] 28:24
And as I was moving my body and listening to what was happening in my body, memories would come up from when I was like six years old that I hadn’t thought about, and 20 plus years, whatever it is. And so I was really curious about that. And I ended up you know, going to grad school, becoming a therapist, and I had a supervisor who was trained in both EMDR and brain spotting.

[Danielle Golan] 28:46
And I was like, wow, this is like, you know, the key to the lock that I’ve been looking for, for the last six years, you know, this is what was happening in my body. So basically, the theory behind EMDR and brain spotting is that we store trauma in our bodies, and we have to sort of process it out through staring at a spot for brain spotting, or tapping or eye movement. Yeah, so it all plays into, I mean, we all have trauma, whether they’re little T traumas or big T traumas.

[Danielle Golan] 29:15
So it always plays in and also traumas, you know whether a little T or big T kind of always feed into the relationships as well, too. If you have a mini trauma with your mom or your dad or your sibling, it’s going to come up in your relationship. It always does. Well. Danielle,

[Jon Dabach] 29:29
Thank you so much for all your wisdom and all your perspective. It was so interesting to talk to you if you want to reach out to Danielle directly. She’s at the feeling space.me you can also find her on Instagram at the feeling space or you can even email her directly at Danielle at the feeling space.me Thank you so much for being with us. And I hope to talk to you again soon. Please keep in touch.

[Danielle Golan] 29:52
John, I appreciate you.

[Jon Dabach] 29:54
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