Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Relationship Expert, as well as a multi-location group private practice owner in Phoenix, Arizona. Dr. Liz specializes in intimacy, relationship barriers, communication skills, and helping her clients to break the “toxic cycle” & address dysfunctional relational behaviors. Dr. Liz hosts a relationship-based podcast, Relatable | Relationships Unfiltered and stays active with an amazing Instagram community. She also engages in mental health talks & media interviews (Good Day LA, Us Weekly, various podcasts), as well as contributes to mental health articles for various media outlets (as seen in, Oprah Daily, Self Magazine, Cosmopolitan, HuffPost, and more).
Dr. Jon Dabach (00:02.252)
Today on the relationship revival show, we’re talking to Dr. Elizabeth Frederick. Dr. Frederick is a licensed professional counselor and relationship expert, as well as a multi-location group, private practice owner in Phoenix, Arizona. Dr. Liz specializes in intimacy, relationship barriers, communication skills, and helping her clients to break the toxic cycle and address dysfunctional relational behaviors. Dr. Liz hosts a relationship based podcast called relatable.
relationships unfiltered and stays active with an amazing Instagram community. She also engages in mental health talks and media interviews like on good day LA us weekly or excuse me, us weekly and various different podcasts just like this one as well as contributing to mental health articles for various media outlets as seen in Oprah daily self magazine, Cosmopolitan, Huffington post and more. Dr. Elizabeth Frederick. Liz, thank you so much for being here.
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (00:57.058)
Thank you for having me and thank you for that mouthful of an introduction. I appreciate you sharing that all about me. No, that’s no, I appreciate you sharing.
Dr. Jon Dabach (01:01.544)
Yeah, I think I stumbled on a word or two. Maybe I’ll re record it, but I think. Yeah, for sure. Um, I, I love how active you are in giving great advice on Instagram and all your social, you know what first let’s start there. What kind of motivated you to jump on Instagram and kind of share all those insights with the world?
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (01:24.97)
Yeah, so that was a twofold thing. What got me on Instagram was I opened my private practice in 2019, and so it was just a marketing approach that I was using at that time. I had no idea it would turn into what it is. And the reason it pivoted into what it is when I really took on relationships as my niche. And so that really became my passion and what I put a lot of time and energy into.
And so then from there, that’s why it’s grown into what it is, because a lot of people could relate to the content that I was putting out. I am very transparent. I’m very authentic. I am who I am. And I don’t try to be anyone else. And I think that a lot of people can appreciate that an expert in our field is just like anyone else.
Dr. Jon Dabach (02:17.196)
Yeah, absolutely. I think, you know, for me, I remember going to some things with John and Julie Gottman and I was in the audience and, and they’re the thing you see about them is they’re just, they’re normal, right? They’re a normal couple. They fight. He always says something really funny too. He says, uh, you know, when, when we teach conflict resolution, we always use an example from our own lives to make it feel real.
And he said, you know, we’re never at a loss of what we, like there’s always something in the last couple days that we fought about that we can bring up. So I thought that was, you know, it’s nice to kind of see how human people are, even when you’re on the other end of it. I mean, I’ve been married for 13 years and we still fight and my wife’s a therapist and, you know, c’est la vie, that’s just the way it goes.
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (03:02.326)
That is just the way it goes. There’s lots of triggers and lots of emotions and threat states and it’s like you said, we’re human.
Dr. Jon Dabach (03:10.988)
What do you find to be the most rewarding part of your job? Do you like the social media? Is it the private coaching you do? Is it running your group practice? I know you have a book coming out. What’s the most exciting, I mean, you’re, you know, you got your hands in a lot of cookie jars.
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (03:24.83)
me, John, is what I enjoy to do. No, I all of it, I really am passionate about all of it. It sounds so overwhelming when you say it like that. Um, the one on one interactions with my clients is what I am most passionate about. So whether that is my therapy clients, my coaching clients, um, that is, you know, a different approach how I’m handling each but that
having the honor to hear somebody’s story and to be a part of their journey is by far the most rewarding aspect of this. And then the, you know, the additional aspect of that is then whether through Instagram or my book or other content that I put out, that I get to share that knowledge more with the masses and that people can benefit from it even if they can’t be my one-on-one client. Like I find so much value in that. But where I derive like my
full joy and passion is that those one-on-one with my clients or maybe one-on-two if I’m working with a couple, but basically with my clients.
Dr. Jon Dabach (04:26.424)
Well, so that’s actually that little snippet at the end there. That’s a good question. Do you have a preference working with couples versus working with individuals?
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (04:35.422)
No, my preference is to work with motivated people. So I don’t care at all like what the context or format of that is, but people who really are coming in saying, I want to change, I’m willing to do what it takes, that is what lights me up because that is just so much fun. Because it’s so much fun then when they actually see the change and they just feel so good about that. It gives them so much hope.
Dr. Jon Dabach (05:02.596)
So I had a really interesting couple a year or two back and someone asked me to make a video of five of the worst things I’ve heard in couples therapy. And one of the things I remember is the wife came in and she said, I’m just here to listen. Don’t, don’t plan on me saying anything. And it went like that for three sessions. Um, and at the end she stood up and she called her husband an idiot and left the room and he stayed a client for awhile. But, and I was like, okay. And it was an interesting one. I think I would have handled it a little differently now.
after being through it, but it leads me to that question of when someone isn’t motivated, when you, especially in a couple where one, you know, cause there’s always someone who’s just a little bit more motivated, but you get those couples where one of them is just like stuck in the mud and resistant. What’s your approach when you have a couple like
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (05:50.09)
Yeah, that is a great question because that does come up. In the particular instance that you just gave the example of, so much empathy would have been extended to her probably really quickly because there’s a reason she’s in that state. So that is usually kind of the approach I take with the one that is maybe more checked out or the one that is presenting as less motivated. You and I both know they’re likely less motivated because they’re really hurt. And there’s been probably a lot of
Dr. Jon Dabach (06:05.068)
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (06:19.118)
compounding whatever, conflict, resentment, whatever it is that has led to that. And so generally I start by getting really curious of why is the wall up? Where is these resentments coming from? So instead of treating it like they are being combative, I’m coming at it from a lot of empathy, but also to be fair.
One of my first questions I ask during the intake is are you both equally motivated and invested? Because I pretty much say, don’t waste your money if you’re not. Like there’s, you know, it might be better for you guys to each start with like individual therapy and then come back, you know, if things change. But because of my approach, which is very much about giving reading assignments and giving homework between every session, if you’re not motivated to do the work, it’s not gonna be a good fit.
Dr. Jon Dabach (07:14.028)
Yeah, that sounds that sounds spot on in terms of what I found too. I mean, I love that it’s you kind of put the onus on accountability back to your clients so that they know, like, look, it’s why are you wasting your time or your money? Um, talk to me about you. You kind of use this term relationship reprogramming. What is that? And kind of where did that come from?
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (07:35.55)
Yeah, so I developed this idea of relationship programming when I, years ago, when I first really started to get into relationships, because as I started working with client after client, and I guess even just to back up a little bit. So I first started my career working with children and adolescents, and that’s what I was very passionate about, wanting to break the cycle. And as I started doing more work with the parents, realizing, like, as we know, that that’s where a lot of it’s coming from.
Dr. Jon Dabach (07:50.925)
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (08:05.11)
but realizing how much unprocessed trauma these parents were dealing with. That is what transitioned me more into that work and then realizing the attachment piece and the attachment traumas and all of that. And so I would say that my approach has really been years in the making of the information I’ve gathered through the different populations I’ve worked with. And so all of this information on attachment led to me realizing that our programming
Dr. Jon Dabach (08:05.604)
Thank you. Yeah.
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (08:33.85)
is the most influential thing in our lives as an adult. And when I do work with couples, so session one is the intake and then session two and three is a timeline. So session two is timeline with partner A and then partner B and session three.
Everyone’s in the room for it. So we’re going through their timeline from birth.
Dr. Jon Dabach (08:57.064)
So sessions two and three, even though you’re really having a dialogue with one partner, the other one sitting there? Okay, I wouldn’t have thought of that. I’m glad you clarified.
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (09:02.378)
Yes, and it is a beautiful, and yeah, and a lot of people don’t. And when I’m having conversations with other couples counselors, they say, yeah, I do that similar, but I just do it one-on-one with whoever I’m going through their timeline. The beauty of it is that the partner is sitting there hearing the trauma firsthand. And yes, they’ve probably had a lot of these conversations, but not through the lens of empathy and attachment trauma. And so as-
they’re sharing their timeline and I’m providing reflective statements and validation and empathy to like, oh my gosh, like I can’t imagine what that was like and how that’s showing up for you. The partner is then seeing firsthand, oh, so when they get mad at me for this and they lash out, that’s like the 10 year old little boy really hurt and scared. It’s a powerful thing.
Dr. Jon Dabach (09:45.656)
The effectiveness of that, right, yeah.
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (09:57.238)
That is where that program comes in. So whether I’m working with somebody individually or a couple, I use the same initial approach for them to determine, we figure out what their programming is by figuring out what is the themes of childhood, how it’s being reinforced present day, and then we work to reprogram.
Dr. Jon Dabach (10:17.208)
Makes sense, makes perfect sense. And you also, by, by having them watch you, you’re modeling the empathy in such a great way where they, you know, they’re kind of mentally taking notes whether they like it or not. Like, oh, if I just validate those feelings, that seems to help.
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (10:37.398)
Yeah, look how safe my partner is feeling right now talking about such a horrible thing because their space is being held for that, which is a perfect segue because then shortly thereafter, I go into a tool I use, RBE, so Reflect, Validate, and Explore, where I’m then teaching them how to use the same skills. But you’re right, they’ve seen it firsthand, so they have an idea.
Dr. Jon Dabach (10:59.2)
And you talk about attachments. Are you basing any other work on Sue Johnson’s work with emotionally focused therapy, or is it kind of from a different place?
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (11:09.41)
There are some similarities, but when I think about attachment, I think about Bowlby. I take it way, way back to that my dissertation is founded in Bowlby’s work. And so I do appreciate Sue Johnson’s work. I think she’s brilliant. I think she’s done a tremendous job with bringing attachment into it. So certainly, I’ve read her books, and I definitely apply that content. I would say that I’ve just taken between Gottman and Sue and the book.
Dr. Jon Dabach (11:15.649)
Way back, yeah.
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (11:37.935)
I’ve just taken my own twist on it all.
Dr. Jon Dabach (11:40.768)
Yeah, I find that, you know, what’s great is when on this show where I talk to relationship experts, the three that keep coming up are Gottman, Attachment, whether it’s Boldly or, or Sue Johnson’s work, and then Harville Hendricks with Imago and it’s like, you see that the running themes like, okay, it’s all about being validated and understanding that openness. And I think, uh, you know, for, for you, what I see even on your Instagram is this sense of authenticity and vulnerability being
important. Do you want to elaborate on why you find those two things so crucial to work in the relationship space?
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (12:16.978)
Yeah, yes, and thank you for pointing that out and providing space for that because that is such a huge part of my work. That is in my book, that’s the very first page as I’m really, I’m talking about that. I go through all of the things I’ve experienced, the trauma, the depression, the anxiety, the disorganized attachment, you know, everything that my divorce, I’ve experienced everything just.
like everyone else has. I just have different tools to deal with it and I’ve put in different work to process it. And so I feel that when I am able to show up as my authentic self, as you know, Brené and Brown talks a lot about when we shame becomes so much less shameful when we allow it out in the open, you know, when we allow these things that we’re so afraid of people knowing, when we just own it.
and just say, this is just who I am. There’s so much freedom in that. And so I really got in my head for a long time when I very first started my work as a relationship expert because I am divorced and I am single and I have a lot of my own unprocessed trauma. And so, you know, the whole imposter syndrome thing we all deal with and it would twirl around and until one day I was just like, forget it. I think it was probably one of the first, I did a caption on like, this is me.
And so take it or leave it. And that is so important for my work because the person sitting across from me, when they know they’re sitting across from somebody who actually gets it, the safety is just a game changer.
Dr. Jon Dabach (13:55.084)
Yeah, absolutely. When you’re out in the wild now, as a single divorcee with relationship expert and a relationship podcast and huge social media following, do you find that you intimidate some of your potential partners?
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (14:14.382)
I always say, if I had a dollar for every time I was told I was intimidating, I would just retire on the beach tomorrow because yes, I hear that so frequently. As the last man who said it to me though said, he was like, I’m not saying it in a bad way and don’t ever change who you are. This is a us thing that we’re intimidated by you and it’s not a you thing. And so like, thank you. I appreciate that. But yeah, people are intimidated by it.
Dr. Jon Dabach (14:43.492)
So I think there’s a lot of women, especially career focused women who can identify with it. How do you break through that and how or do you not and you just use it as like a filtering mechanism for like, Nope, not worth my time. I mean, what’s your kind of approach? Well, when it comes to men who are intimidated to you, uh, of you.
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (14:57.572)
when it comes to dating.
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (15:04.246)
Yeah, I guess if they are expressing that they’re intimidated and don’t have a follow-up statement to have the self-awareness to say, this is a me thing, then yeah, that’s a deal-breaker. I’m not interested in making myself smaller to protect your ego. That’s not on my to-do list.
Dr. Jon Dabach (15:22.988)
Yeah. Well, so tell me, tell me a little bit about this book. I know it’s your, you said it’s coming up in November. And so I’m sure the pre-order will come up soon as well. Um, what was the, what was the goal and the impetus for writing the book?
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (15:33.859)
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (15:39.266)
So the book is titled, Relationship Reprogramming, and it is sharing this approach. It is providing the tools for people to be able to pretty much go through this approach on their own if they’re unable to, you know, maybe don’t have the time or resources to seek therapy. They’re able, I provide step-by-step of what they can do to start their own reprogramming. And then I share my story. So it starts in my pre-birth trauma, talks about me being born into chaos and what that…
has done to my attachment style and how I work to reprogram. And also then putting in the disclaimer that in spite of all my work to reprogram, I’m still right there with them fighting every day to continue to reprogram.
Dr. Jon Dabach (16:23.648)
lifelong work. Um, how important do you think it is to go that far back to childhood and pre birth? And how much time do you spend on it? Cause there are clients who come in to my practice and you know, some of them have a fear like, are we just going to talk about my mom for the next three weeks or something? And I go, and that’s not my personal style, much more solution focused, but for some people I feel like there’s a yearning for that.
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (16:24.93)
Dr. Jon Dabach (16:52.596)
And so I, I’ll refer out if you want, you know, a psychoanalyst or something, especially, but, uh, what part, you know, w how big of a role does that play in your work?
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (17:03.218)
it is the foundation of my work because I don’t believe that we can reprogram or we can change without the self-awareness to know where it came from. A lot of the work that I do is around emotional regulation and being aware of why we behave the way we behave. And I think that if we don’t know where it’s coming from, it’s really hard to regulate it and take control of it. And so I do not spend, we’re not spending every session in that, but really the first…
Dr. Jon Dabach (17:20.234)
and then you know.
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (17:31.726)
two to three sessions are the timeline and we are identifying themes. So whether we’re going to be using that information to do EMDR or if I’m doing couples, we’re just using it to be able to show it better for the inner child. But I do, it’s a really big deal to me because I think of it as a computer and the way that a computer is coded or has stuff plugged into it, I don’t know. People keep telling me to stop use.
to stop using this analogy because I clearly don’t know how a computer is made, but…
Dr. Jon Dabach (18:04.504)
I don’t know that much about him either. So I’m sitting there right with you going, wow, she knows a lot.
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (18:09.462)
Whatever we input into it is what is the output is, I know that much. And so I think it’s the same as humans. We have to know where it’s coming from.
Dr. Jon Dabach (18:19.848)
If you, you know, do you approach men and women differently in the work in terms of not just going through their trauma, but what they’re, what they do. You, do you see any differences working between the, you know, the two sexes and the genders?
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (18:40.046)
I think that the societal pressures we’re going to see a difference in, we’re also going to see often a difference in how they were parented. And so that is going to come up. And then how they show up in their partnership. And so yes, and then pulling in their attachment style, which tends to, you know, genders definitely differ with that.
Dr. Jon Dabach (18:40.74)
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (19:07.37)
So I do see a difference with it, but I would say that the core of my work is pretty similar because I do see that a lot of men also want to be nurtured. They wanna be validated and all the things that maybe society has said that they shouldn’t want, they really do want. And I think that is powerful when they can receive that and they can receive that from a…
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (19:36.13)
do I word this? So a woman that is not like I present in more of a powerful alpha form, you know what I mean? And so when they that even somebody with that dynamic is believes that they are deserving and that that’s important for them, I do think that’s a bit of a shift for them. Does that make any sense?
Dr. Jon Dabach (19:56.928)
Yeah, no, absolutely. I mean, I can relate to a lot of that. Do you find, I guess here’s another question that came up as you were talking. Do you find that, you know, men are more accepting of a partner of a woman, a female partner who has anxious attachment style than women are of men who have an anxious attachment style? I’m kind of curious because yeah.
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (20:17.134)
Oh sure. Sorry, finish your sentence, I’m sorry.
Dr. Jon Dabach (20:20.832)
Well, yeah, I would agree with you. Yes, they are more accepting, but, um, do you find that it’s that the statistics are right where that it is predominantly the women who have the anxious attachment style. And then when you have a flipped couple, um, it kind of presents differently and there’s kind of different challenges there.
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (20:41.818)
And then when we bring in the societal norms, right, and the societal pressures, that it makes the misconception that a man is weak if he has some of those anxious tendencies. And so as women, we were programmed in the same way to think that the same way that man feels weak, we were programmed to believe that the man is weak. And so, yeah, I do think that it is a lot harder when…
Dr. Jon Dabach (21:02.692)
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (21:07.758)
for a woman to be in a rel put in air quotes a needy at all what I think, but label. Yeah, yeah. And th energies and all of that.
Dr. Jon Dabach (21:14.284)
But it’s what it’s yeah, that’s how they’re perceived. Right.
Dr. Jon Dabach (21:26.996)
Yeah, yeah, that’s, that’s definitely up there. Um, your podcast is called relatable. So what, what’s the, what’s the story behind the name and why did you decide to go with that?
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (21:35.085)
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (21:42.562)
pretty much exactly what I was telling you, with my social media presence and all of that, the authenticity and the vulnerability. And so putting it on there, so it’s relatable relationships unfiltered. And so basically that we are going to talk about these things that maybe people are not talking about in their day-to-day conversations, we’re going to try to normalize that we are all dealing with the same stuff. And so that was a big part of it.
Dr. Jon Dabach (22:02.116)
Dr. Jon Dabach (22:07.796)
Yeah. Okay. So here’s a, here’s a question that I ask in one form or another to a lot of guests. If you’re sitting on a, let’s say a park bench and someone is, you know, sits down next to you, finds out what you do and they say, give me one piece of advice to make my relationship better. And that you have known nothing about them. So just generic advice. What would, what would you offer?
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (22:29.438)
to put action into whatever they’ve most recently read. So I think that is the biggest missing element out of anyone doing any personal work, but especially for couples, is the lack of action. So they’re gonna come to therapy every week, they’re going to read every book, they’re gonna listen to the podcasts, but when it actually comes to them getting uncomfortable and applying whatever it is they just learned, that doesn’t happen. And so probably to the person on the park bench, I would say,
What have you most recently learned? I don’t care what it is. I don’t care at all what it is. It was probably valuable. What did you learn? And when is the last time you applied it? Start applying it. And that’s where we’ll see the change.
Dr. Jon Dabach (23:11.448)
So that leads me to a follow up. If you have a coaching or a therapy client and you just notice that they’re not doing the homework that you assign, how do you talk to them about?
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (23:23.362)
hold a lot of space and empathy and dig into what are the negative core beliefs that are creating these barriers? You know, like, why are we self sabotaging is kind of what I’m going to dig into. But also we know, so if I’m working with a counseling client, I don’t really have these conversations as much in coaching unless I’m more like referring out to go find that help. But it’s also like, are there symptoms of anxiety, depression, ADHD? Are there undiagnosed symptoms or ailments?
that are impacting you from doing that. Because I think you probably see that as well. There’s often more to the story when, you know, it’s not usually just defiance. And so we’re gonna dig into, is there other things going on? What can I do to support you? And what are the negative core beliefs that are stopping you from making improvements?
Dr. Jon Dabach (23:57.877)
Dr. Jon Dabach (24:12.588)
Yeah, I found that recently, I don’t know what it is. I’ve gotten a lot of people who struggle with addiction that have come through the door. It’s like, I feel like my name’s been being passed around a 12 step, it’s so kind of prevalent. And so that adds kind of a component similar to what you’re talking about, but also this is new. So like out of the last decade, this is new. I have a lot of people self diagnosing as autistic or on the spectrum.
And, and kind of, and I see where they come from, but it almost feels like they’re using it as an excuse as to why things haven’t worked. And listen, they present when you hear, well, why are you self-diagnosing? They have things where you’re like, you probably are an, you know, on, on diagnosed on the spectrum, but why you’re bringing it up now seems kind of strange. So it’s you’re right. Like those external, I’ll call them even though they’re internal kind of the external factors, cause they’re not really unique to the relationship.
do kind of present some challenges, especially when you when like ADHD, when you have problems kind of keeping track and staying on task. If you have to do a homework assignment with your spouse or partner that becomes quite cumbersome.
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (25:26.094)
Yeah, and I think when people struggle to understand what the actual issue is, they point the finger towards themselves. They think, well, there’s got to be something wrong with me because if I can’t follow through with my homework, if I can’t improve my relationship, if I can’t do these things that it seems like everyone else is doing, there’s got to be something wrong with me. And so I want to figure out what that is. And then
Come on, I mean, social media is not helping you and I out at all in our field in terms of the self-diagnosing and everyone coming in with every ailment under the sun. So I think that that’s definitely played a role in it, but I definitely have empathy when people come in self-diagnosing or saying, there’s just something wrong with me because I just can’t get it right. That sucks.
Dr. Jon Dabach (25:56.821)
Dr. Jon Dabach (26:12.62)
Yeah, I, I agree with you. I have a lot of empathy when there’s the self diagnosis that the one that pisses me off is when they, they say their partner is a narcissist or their part and then when they’re diagnosing their partner and I’m like, yeah, it’s like, what are you doing? You’re not, I don’t even diagnose like, stop. It’s so crazy. Um, do you find that there, there’s unique advice being that you’re a divorcee that you offer to divorced women? Um, or is it just,
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (26:24.496)
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (26:32.055)
Dr. Jon Dabach (26:42.708)
A healthy approach to relationships is a healthy approach period.
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (26:47.73)
That’s what I believe. So a couple of the things that I talk about that are maybe not everyone is talking about is really identifying your five needs, wants and boundaries and stop looking for the unicorn. So I’m a big believer in if you want a relationship, there are plenty of eligible people to be in a healthy relationship. Just stop looking for perfect and start looking for someone who’s willing to do the work.
Dr. Jon Dabach (27:17.26)
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (27:17.61)
And that’s probably one of the biggest pieces of advice I give for a single when I’m working with single people Or even if somebody’s in a situation of should I stay or should I go? It’s like the grass is not greener if you have somebody who’s willing to be self-aware and willing to put efforts towards change That’s your unicorn my friend like that’s about the best you can get
Dr. Jon Dabach (27:36.888)
Yeah. I think that’s probably the hardest thing for me. I don’t know if you would concur, but when you get a couple where they’ve been together for a long time, probably, you know, 15, 20 years, even sometimes they’ve, and one of them has lost a sense of that magic and the other person wants to help and change and they say no, and they kind of have one foot out the door and they’re leaning towards a divorce and it’s like you want to shake them and go, it’s not going to be an easier once you’d separate and you have kids and
Like, you know, you like these problems that you have are going to follow you into your next relationship. And it’s like, it’s so it’s, you know, inside you’re like, just listen, just listen, like give it a shot, work on it here. That’s probably one of the most painful things to deal with.
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (28:20.47)
Yeah, and I often ask people like, did you have spark at one point? And if I’m working with somebody like that, do you still have spark? Are you sexually attracted to each other? Are you, and if those things are true and these other things are true that change it, like they’re willing to change, then I often have that conversation of, hey, let’s really work on this before we throw in the towel because you have the two things that are pretty hard to find and also hard to find in tandem. So if both those exist, let’s work on it.
But if a couple comes in and they’re like, no, Spark, we haven’t had sex in years, like there’s no romantic, that conversation doesn’t look a little different. However, what I do say in those situations, because my ex-husband and I, we got divorced almost four years ago at this point, but we were married for 17 years, and he’s still my best friend in the entire world. And so a lot of the work that I do with people in those situations is, you guys love each other.
You get along, like you can get along in a lot of ways. That doesn’t mean you have to stay married, but how can we go about this in a way where you can maintain some type of, I mean, your family at that point, especially if you have kids, your family. How can we do this different than the traditional divorce? So I guess back to your other question of, if there’s something different that I offer for divorced individuals, that would probably be it through my own personal experience of just because you get divorced does not mean you have to be done being a family.
Dr. Jon Dabach (29:47.096)
That’s great advice. Well, if you’re listening to this right away and Dr. Frederick’s book is not available for pre-order, then stay tuned, because it will be very soon. But you also offer private coaching, probably for anybody in the world, I would assume, that’s listening. What’s the best way for them to reach out? Is it through your website?
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (30:11.946)
Yeah, so my website, drelizabethfedrick.com. My last name is Fed Rick, so that often gets confused. And then my Instagram, at drelizabethfedrick as well. And either one of those methods to get a hold of me is great. But yeah, I do it for counseling. I do that only in the state of Arizona, but coaching, yep, I do, I have clients all over the world.
Dr. Jon Dabach (30:36.312)
Thank you so much for being here. I’ll be sure to leave the links for everything in the show notes if you’re listening. If you’re listening in your car, Frederick, just for those of you who want to kind of make a mental note is F-E-D. There’s no R after the F. Is that where people use it? So it’s Frederick. So Dr. Elizabeth Frederick. Liz, thanks so much. It was a lot of fun getting to know you.
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (30:47.875)
Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick (30:54.274)
Thank you. Thanks, John. I appreciate it.