Where you can find Elliot:
https://www.ElliottKatz.com
@Elliott_Katz

Transcript:

[Jon Dabach] 00:00
Today on the relationship Revival Show, we’re talking to Elliot Katz. Elliot is a relationship coach and author of two books. Being the strong man, a woman wants timeless wisdom on being a man, which has been translated into 24 languages, and how to get your man to wear the pants. So you don’t have to inspiring him to take the lead, make decisions and stop leaving it all to you.

[Jon Dabach] 00:21
And in today’s gender fluid kind of confusing society out there, the identity of being a man and what that means, and its role in relationship is something I’m really excited to get into. So join us for this in depth conversation on masculinity and its role in a relationship. You’re listening to the relationship revival podcast with Jon Dabach, also known as Mr. Spirituality.

[Jon Dabach] 00:46
That’s me. I’m your host, giving you insights and guidance from over 10 years in the field of this amazing journey we call romance on this show, I go over everything you need to know about how to get into a relationship, how to get the most out of a relationship, and sometimes even how to gracefully end a relationship without pulling your hair out and going crazy.

[Jon Dabach] 01:07
And occasionally, I’m even joined by new and old friends who are also relationship experts to bring you guidance and wisdom with new perspectives. Thanks for stopping by Elliot cats live from Toronto. Well, not live, this is prerecorded, but I’m talking to you live, obviously. Welcome, and glad to have you here.

[Elliot Katz] 01:29
Good to be here.

[Jon Dabach] 01:30
So you are a relationship coach, and you’re an author, and you’ve written a couple books. And, you know, for people who don’t know me and my practice, I work for whatever reason I’ve attracted, you know, the kind of clients I see are typically heterosexual people who are either in a marriage or in a very long term relationship.

[Jon Dabach] 01:50
They don’t have the official label, but a lot of them have kids, I’d say most of my clients have kids. I think part of it is, I’m a straight guy who has four kids too. And there’s a certain amount of attraction, you attract kind of similar types of clients as you are. And I think that, especially now with the world, kind of, you know, the is a woman?

 

[Jon Dabach] 02:12
What is a man kind of questions coming about and so much contradicting advice about how sensitive you should be or how much or what it means to be a leader or female empowerment? Men, I think right now have it harder than they’ve ever had in terms of really having a clearer picture of what their role is. Do you agree with that?

[Elliot Katz] 02:35
I think you’ve hit the nail right on the head. And I think, unfortunately, that the problem you described has led to a lot of marriage breakups and children from broken homes when really aren’t necessary.

[Elliot Katz] 02:49
But I think a lot of men are open to learning what they need to do to make their wives happy. I think most men want to make their wives happy, and think they’re doing the right thing. And they can understand why it’s not working.

[Jon Dabach] 03:04
So what do you think the, you know, some of the big problems and you’ve written a couple books on the subject? The first one’s been around for how many years now? About 15 years? That’s 15 years. It’s and 24 different languages? So obviously, yeah, it’s got a bit of an audience there. And the first one, what’s the title of the first book?

[Elliot Katz] 03:23
Oh, that’s, that’s the first one it’s being the strong man and woman wants timeless wisdom on being a man. And that came about, because I was married, I got divorced. And like a lot of men, I blame the other person because I also thought I was I was doing everything right and couldn’t understand why it wasn’t working.

[Elliot Katz] 03:41
So it really, you know, at first, when you get divorced, it’s, you know, you first you blame the other person. Yeah. And then you come to that pivotal point of asking yourself, well, what did I have to do differently? What do I have to learn? What What should I have done? That would not, you know, if I didn’t want this to happen again.

[Elliot Katz] 03:57
So I really set out on a journey to learn. So I talked to other men, like you describe a lot of men are confusing, like I was that I started reading books on relationships, and they really didn’t say anything to me. And it really when I turned to the timeless wisdom that over the centuries, men have written advice for a younger man about how to meet men in a relationship. I was really blown away because it told me all kinds of things that I didn’t know.

[Elliot Katz] 04:25
And really coincided with what I heard women complain as lucky and men today. They don’t show leadership. They don’t make decisions. They don’t take responsibility.

[Elliot Katz] 04:34
And you know, it’s really fascinating that over the centuries has been so much writing. And the today’s men aren’t taught that and so many men, you know, they think if I just do everything my, my wife wants, she should be happy. You know, I asked you what you want me to do. I’ll do it like, right. They don’t realize that doesn’t work.

[Jon Dabach] 04:53
Yeah. I think a comparison I often tell people is you know, imagine yourself as the president of For whatever country you’re in, and you’re getting up there like so for us, it’s in America and you’re getting up there at the State of the Union. And instead of having a speech and a plan, you say, what do you guys want to do? It just doesn’t, it doesn’t work. That’s not how leadership works.

[Jon Dabach] 05:14
And we’re not talking about a totalitarian, totalitarian, this state kind of, you know, very didactic approach where you’re kind of like a ruling with an iron fist, but it’s having a clear sense of what direction things go. I think that’s a good starting point. When you say you’ve, you’ve read texts kind of from over the centuries. Were there ones you went back to again? And again?

[Elliot Katz] 05:36
Well, yeah, you know, my book isn’t religious at all. But one of the fascinating stories that really kind of blew me away was basically the story of Adam and Eve, you know, they’re in the Garden of Eden. They have one commandment don’t eat the fruit of the tree of knowledge. What happens? Eve eats that she pushes Adam into it. And then God says, did you eat the fruit of the tree?

[Elliot Katz] 05:55
And I commend him not to eat? What does he do? He says, the woman you sent me gave it to me, and I ate it. I was mortal. He gave it to something he knew was wrong. And he blamed his wife. And I thought, wow, I thought only men today did that.

[Elliot Katz] 06:11
And I did it too. And I met, I’ve met many men who did that, who gave into something, you know, put them into financial stress that just basically destroyed their marriage. And they, she pushed me into it? And I Yeah, but you had to say, No, you were the leader. I mean, like I met, I did it too. You are the leader, you had to say no, because you had to protect your family by not going along with this.

[Elliot Katz] 06:36
And I was like, wow, wow. It’s like, men have to learn that it just doesn’t, you know, the thing is, being a man, this doesn’t come naturally to a lot of men that we really have to learn. Yeah. And, and it’s good to have a father or other older male role model who can teach us. But unfortunately, a lot of men don’t have that. And yeah, I variety of reasons.

[Jon Dabach] 06:56
It’s so funny, I have the, my background is I was on the path to become an orthodox rabbi. And it didn’t take obviously, and I don’t bring religion into my sessions. But there are a lot of good lessons in biblical texts and Greek texts and different things about what masculinity is.

[Jon Dabach] 07:14
And it’s and especially now when things change. And this is another thing I’ve brought up. And I don’t know, if you’ve ever when you’re working with people, or when you’re writing your book, books, I should say, you know, if it’s come up, like this is also a problem that is somewhat unique to first world countries, right?

[Jon Dabach] 07:30
So people who are struggling to survive, don’t have as much of the issue of what the male role is, because it needs to be what it needs to be right. There’s this certain amount of hunting and gathering that needs to be split up and men take the risks men to and then in absorbing that role for survival.

[Jon Dabach] 07:49
I feel like the personality tends to follow suit. But then you get into these first world countries where women have careers and you know, you can get food stamps, even if you’re obese. So there’s no like, there’s no real true starvation for most people, especially the ones I see. So then it becomes about what is joy? And what is happiness? And what is confidence? That becomes a very confusing topic.

[Elliot Katz] 08:11
I think what you’re saying is true. But also, I think, you know, people think that human nature has changed over the centuries, but really hasn’t like, when you read stuff from written, like centuries ago, say, well, that’s like, as if it was written today. It’s so fresh, like, you know, one of the quotes I have is, from Abbey Kia 2000 years ago, he says, If you want to get rich, to buy luxuries for your wife, you’ll never be rich, because your wife will never be satisfied.

[Elliot Katz] 08:42
So yeah, that’s true. You know, I’ve seen that, where people are just working, like working, like working just to pay for all the things their wives want. And there was aren’t happy, doesn’t make a difference. I was like, you know, you should go on food stands by they just, you know, appreciate what you have, and live within your means.

[Elliot Katz] 08:59
And, you know, also there’s this idea of like, well, who should make decisions or, you know, some men, some men think, well, I’ll just do whatever she tells me to do. That should be happy, she’s not happy. And then on the other extreme, is the men who just you know, domineering and controlling, we don’t want that either.

[Elliot Katz] 09:17
But really the advice I read from 1000s here, so it’s really in the middle of some things a man should decide some things a woman should decide. It’s a balance, right? It’s, you know, but the man who just always does what his wife tells him to do, his life will descend to hell. That’s what

[Jon Dabach] 09:35
I get. I mean, I can tell you from personal experience, that’s usually true of either partner, if man’s telling the wife what to do 100% of the time, or the wife tells Brightman it’s just a recipe for passive aggression, for resentment for a lot of problems. So here’s the big question, because, you know, you’ve been bold enough to say that men need to learn to be leaders and not just do whatever the woman wants where Is that balance?

[Jon Dabach] 10:01
Where’s that balance so that you don’t become domineering? And kind of figuring out, you know, what, what are? How do you do this without seeming? You know, like you’re being derogatory or abusive or anything like that? Because that’s tricky for a lot of men.

[Elliot Katz] 10:16
Yeah, yeah, I think so. But I mean, I think you just have to think you have to use your judgment, you have to think, am I being controlling? You know, I talk in the book, I have to have a chapter like, you know, what, what’s controlling what’s showing leadership, if you’re being bossy just to get your way if you’d being bossy just to, you know, because you don’t really care what the other person wants, you know, leader, what’s true leadership leader thinks about what’s best for his family, what’s best for his wife is best for his children.

[Elliot Katz] 10:46
And it’s not necessarily what’s best for himself, he could be taking on a lot of responsibilities and work. So you know, that’s true leadership. Leadership is doing what’s best for your family and thinking about the greater good.

[Jon Dabach] 11:00
If you don’t have a good male role model. So let’s say you didn’t you don’t happen to have a father or father figure is not around or wasn’t a great example. Do you have advice for people on how to seek out a mentor?

[Elliot Katz] 11:14
Absolutely. There’s a chapter on that as well watch strong men and like, like everything else, you know, you want to get good at something, watch people who are good at it, and seek out men who are strong and watch them and become friends with them and see how they do things. See how they handle situations? Absolutely. You know, it’s one of the things that men and I experienced this and other men have told me the same thing is that, you know, you might be, you know, passive and compliance.

[Elliot Katz] 11:40
And when you meet a man who is strong and, you know, takes charge, you feel uncomfortable with him, you think, oh, you know, he’s old fashioned. I don’t want to, I don’t see him being friends with him. Most of all, that that’s a message that you better become friends with, because you have a lot to learn from him. Right? You know, when you’re uncomfortable somebody, buddy, it means maybe you can learn things from them. And that’s, that’s one of the messages in the book is, is take charge.

[Elliot Katz] 12:05
But the other thing I wrote a second book, I just want to say so women who read the first book said to me, you know, how do I get my men to start taking charge at home? Me, I have to make all the decisions in a woman’s head to me, when I have to make a decision makes me feel like he’s a child. And I’m his mother, and I don’t want to be his mother. Yeah. And I don’t want to be intimate with a child. Right?

[Elliot Katz] 12:25
So how do I get him to wear the pants? I wrote a new book, to spawn how to get your man to wear the pants. So you don’t have to. And it’s really strategies that, you know, a woman can say, you know, for men, you know, one thing men like to say, whatever you want, you decide his decision to make whatever you want it so men don’t ever say that. Yeah. So it’s I so what’s the way

[Jon Dabach] 12:48
What’s the give us some, like a cliff note version of some of the chat. Some advice,

[Elliot Katz] 12:53
Okay. So, if a man says, whatever you want, you decide, say what I want is to know what you want. And if a man says, you know, oh, you criticize me last time? Yeah, that’s what some men will say, Oh, I tried to make decisions. Take the lead. You know, she undermined me. She want to, she wouldn’t. So she criticized me. So just, if he did that, just say, I really want you to make the decisions.

[Elliot Katz] 13:16
And you know, simple, simple things. Like, I know, one example I use a lot of men and women are like, you know, wife calls her husband at work. What would you like for supper? Pizza or lasagna? And that man says, why she is calling me I’m so busy. This is whatever you want. And she should say, I called you because I want to know what you want. And that’s why and that’s the truth.

[Elliot Katz] 13:40
You know, there’s so many men will tell me and I experienced really, the woman asked, like, so many questions like, you want me to make all these decisions. These aren’t really important decisions. Like they don’t, they don’t matter to me, you whatever you want, but, but they don’t understand. She wants you to make the decisions. Because when you make decisions, it makes her feel safe and protected. That’s what women have said. So make the decision if it’s, if either one is fine than just say one, pizza, whatever it is, like, you know, I had so many men say yeah.

[Elliot Katz] 14:14
And you know what, I’ve had men when I coach them, and I say, all those little decisions that you just say why she is asking me make them and the response has been you know, when you do that, it makes me feel safe and protected. Because that’s really what a woman wants. You know, we have all these images today of women they’re strong and independent.

[Elliot Katz] 14:31
And they’ve gone out into the real world and you know, become successful and professions and all that. But you know when she’s with a man she wants to feel like a woman she wants him to take charge he wants to feel safe and protected with him. And mentally this Oh, like no one ever told me that it’s sad, because like, you know, I hear so many divorces could really be avoided. That’s really I

[Jon Dabach] 14:55
Couldn’t agree with you more. I mean, one of the funniest things about my profession that I had that I’m very credit Pull of is that there are a lot of therapists, not so many in the couples counseling specific sub-genre. I mean, I only work with couples a relationship, I don’t see people for anxiety or depression. So for me, its like, that’s the only thing I ever do. But I see a lot of therapist and a lot of people come to me, where they say their therapist suggested divorce. And I’m like, what do you like?

[Jon Dabach] 15:20
What? How that is even a thing? Like, if you bring it up, fine, they can talk about it. But it’s, you know, relation, because the truth is, whatever problem you have, it’s going to follow you into your next relationship if you don’t know how to fix it. So if you’re not a strong man, now, what makes you think marrying another woman is going to suddenly with a magic wand, fix that issue?

[Elliot Katz] 15:41
You’re exactly right. And you know what, I don’t do couples counseling, because I really feel like a man, he can come to me and say, you know, I know when I went to couples counseling in my mind, it’s like, you go there, you expect a counselor to solve your problems. And I say to men, I can’t solve your problems, but I can give you some ideas how you can solve your own problems, right? And that’s really the key.

[Elliot Katz] 16:05
So, you know, let me tell you what you should do. Go home and try it. Like, don’t tell your wife, somebody told you to do it, just try it. And you’ll see a difference. You don’t take the lead Sarton said something you see a problem with your children. Don’t just think I’m exhausted from work, let her handle it, no step forward, and take charge and he see a problem. Deal with it. Wow.

[Elliot Katz] 16:26
Take the initiative. It’s like, you can’t leave everything on her. So that’s, that’s this idea. And men have I mean, I was the same, like, I’ll bring in the money, you run the home, you take care of the kids, you’re a woman, you know more about kids than I do?

[Elliot Katz] 16:40
Well, you do that you’re in trouble, because even Dr. Benjamin Spock, you know, he was, yeah. He says, if you want to have a good relationship with your wife, and be a good father, you have to be a leader and a role model to your children. You can’t just leave everything to her because she’ll resent that. She says, what do I need them for? I’m doing everything right. And you know, the money, I’ll get it anyway, she’ll get it anyway, believe it.

[Jon Dabach] 17:03
You know, it’s so interesting. I, earlier in my, in my life, I was I was in Hollywood, and I did some I wrote some pilots. And early in our marriage, I decided to kind of fulfill a dream and direct a movie and we direct I directed it in my house.

[Jon Dabach] 17:19
And there was one day where my wife came or like a half a day where she came as like an extra in the scene. And I for the most part work alone with couples or, you know, work with a computer. So she never got to see me in an element where I was with other people.

[Jon Dabach] 17:33
And I was directing a crew of 20 people and a bunch of extras and people weren’t getting in line. And I was very commanding because I needed to be as director, one of the things that you’ll if you’ve ever talked to movie directors, you know, like the real the job of the movie director is to make 40 decisions every single minute.

[Jon Dabach] 17:48
I mean that you’re you’re basically the official decision maker, you don’t have to know things about cameras, you don’t have to know things about actors, you just have to know the vision you want and and make the decision. And when she saw me, directing a whole, like orchestrating a whole group of people and being assertive when I needed to be, I didn’t know would have an effect on her.

[Jon Dabach] 18:07
But she came before she left. She said I don’t you know, just for whatever it’s worth, it was really sexy to watch you and your element taking charge. And it blew me away because I have a more passive personality at times, because I I’m a people pleaser.

[Jon Dabach] 18:21
And I think it was a huge lesson to me and one, I want to get your take on it. I think if there’s a way for men to kind of force themselves into a position like this, where they are, you know, basically required to be a leader with other people and to have their wife kind of watch, I think it would be hugely eye opening for them.

[Jon Dabach] 18:44
I haven’t figured out exactly how to manufacture that for people. But if you see an opportunity, I mean, it could be an it could be something as simple as coaching a kids sports team. It could be you know, leading a company picnic, right. But I think, you know, there’s something very attractive to a man in charge, especially when the woman sees them in the context of other people. So have you have you ever dealt with that or kind of considered that as as part of the growth?

[Elliot Katz] 19:12
Well, I think what you’re saying is true. And I, I, you know, I tell men, like I did something similar. I used to work in I worked for government here and they had internal courses on leadership. And I thought, well, I need to learn leadership. And so I took these courses on leadership, I think, you know, whether it’s leadership in an organization or like you say, on a movie set, it’s, it’s all the same.

[Elliot Katz] 19:38
It’s about how do you talk to people, I remember the most important thing. This was part of my journey. Most important thing I remember the teacher saying, you have to talk to the person the way they need to be spoken to. Not the way you want to talk to him.

[Elliot Katz] 19:49
So you might be angry and say, you know, he got it. But that’s not going to get you the results you want. You have to speak to the person to get them in the way that will get them to do what you want them to do and feel good about it? Right? That’s a good leader.

[Elliot Katz] 20:03
So what you’re saying is true. It’s really, you could learn leadership skills in every way. But you know what the thing is, you could be a leader on a movie set. But you know, like, a lot, a lot of situations, men are leaders at work, and they come home and they just don’t do anything. They just come home and eat and go to sleep. I mean, you have to be you have to be a leader. And that’s something I’ve heard women say, well, he’s he takes charge at work. But at home, he doesn’t do anything.

[Jon Dabach] 20:29
Oh, that’s interesting. Learning how to kind of get into that mentality when you walk through the door,

[Elliot Katz] 20:37
Get in some oil, or be that you know, continue you are a leader at work, you know, you come home, and you have to be a leader as well. Yeah. And that’s really, that’s really what you want. I mean, you know, so many men told me, you know, I come home, I asked her, what do you want me to? Do?

[Elliot Katz] 20:51
I do whatever she wants me to do, you know, do the laundry, put the kids to bed, give them baths? All these things? Why isn’t she happy, I go nonstop, from the minute I come home? I see. Because what you’re doing is you’re really being a mother’s helper. You’re not being a father and a husband. You need to know what’s going on what the problems are. Find solutions, you know, talk to her or do your own work on like, Well, how do we solve this problem? Who do I know that could help in this situation?

[Elliot Katz] 21:18
You know, that’s what she wants? She does. Otherwise you leave. It’s an enormous burden that you’re putting on her. And when you come home when you take that burden off her? Wow, I’m a great hospital. Yeah. But they come home and just say, Oh, tell me what to do. I’ll do it.

[Elliot Katz] 21:31
And even you know what? I’m sure you’ve seen this, like, when marriages are in trouble. Sometimes the husband said, what? Just tell her what do you want me to do? I’ll do it. And he doesn’t realize that’s not what she needs to hear.

[Jon Dabach] 21:42
I think people might miss mistakenly think that. When you’re saying, well, what do you want me to do? I’ll do it. You’re giving them everything they want? Right? Because it’s like, Oh, I’m just going to do everything you want. But the missing piece of the puzzle, and you’re hitting this in another way?

[Jon Dabach] 21:59
I’m just kind of rephrasing it is there’s a lot of mental energy and anguish that goes into making those decisions and making a plan that you stick to. And that’s the that’s the masculine trait that I think wives want to want their husbands to take responsibility for in my own life that happened recently, where my you know, suddenly, we had more dishes and more laundry, we are our housekeeper left, and we needed to kind of figure out how to fill the gaps.

[Jon Dabach] 22:28
And I told my wife, well, I’ll help and we left it at that. Two weeks later, I’m not helping as much as I said, I would and she’s saying, well, can we come up with something here? And I said, I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to do that. You tell me what you need to do. And I’ll do it.

[Jon Dabach] 22:42
And she almost like exploded. And I said, listen. And I mean, it took me a day to figure out, oh, she wants me to come up with the plan. So what I did is I said, here are the 10 things that kind of we need for the house. There’s the bathrooms, there’s the floors and all this. I said I know how to do this, this, this and this. If I take on these would that help you? Yes, I’m going to do this on this day, this day in this day. Great.

[Jon Dabach] 23:06
And you’re going to do the rest of the rest of the days. Yes. And if you skip it, I have to tell you, and if I skip it, I could use a reminder, does that sound like a plan. And suddenly I saw the weight, just get lifted off her shoulders, someone came up with a goddamn plan. And she just didn’t want to do that.

[Jon Dabach] 23:23
She was fine with doing the work. But she wanted someone to take charge. And I’m sitting there going, I’m doing the same amount of work that I used to, but there’s a structure there. You know, and that’s what she wanted.

[Elliot Katz] 23:33
Exactly. I tell people to do that. When you have that issue of who does what when, you know, sometimes often, you know, the husband comes home, he’s exhausted.

[Elliot Katz] 23:43
And she attacks him at the sword, right? Do this, do this do this. And like, but I say, look, make a plan, like exactly what you said, make a plan, show it to her she’s okay with it. Posted on the fridge, right? That’s posted on the fridge. And then. So then when a man comes home, he says, Okay, today’s Monday, I know when I get home, I have to do the following things. So then he’s okay, he’s prepared. He’s saving his energy to do that.

[Elliot Katz] 24:08
But he may have been you know, before, they may have been a while I got to, I got to do all these things for myself. And then she attacks him at the door. It doesn’t want to be a leader, a leader makes a plan and gets her agreement. Yeah, you know, she’s fine with it, post it on the fridge.

[Jon Dabach] 24:24
And the other thing I’ll tell you that I found has been very effective in my own practice is when I tell women, you want them to be a leader, but you’re not treating him like a leader. And I tell the men this is this is the good part of being a leader. You can actually insist on certain things for yourself to make it easier.

[Jon Dabach] 24:44
So for example, I have one client where exactly what you said where he said, I walked through the door and it’s this this this this I said fine. How much time do you need to unwind? He says I just need like 30 minutes with that with a cold beer Thea I said listen, your job is the wife. It is to set an alarm for 30 minutes and have a cold beer waiting for him. Right? And if the kids come up to him, they get one hug.

[Jon Dabach] 25:08
And that’s it. After 30 minutes, he’ll step into action. And can you can you commit to that, and the husband was like, of course, if I get that, that’s all I need. And she’s like, that’s all you needed. And the problem was solved, because suddenly he felt welcomed. And he wanted to be the leader, because he had his moment to gather his thoughts, and everybody was treating him as such.

[Elliot Katz] 25:29
And that’s one of the things I talked about as well is that, you know, when, when the husband comes home, sit down with him for half an hour, have a cup of coffee together, right now talk about things that happened that day, and let them give them time to think about well, what do I need to do as a leader? What steps do I need to take to deal with these situations? That’s really the key.

[Elliot Katz] 25:49
But also, you know, when you’re talking about a woman, not letting the man be a leader, sometimes it’s like she’s testing him, you know, how women test men to see, do they really mean to do really know what you want? And sometimes you just have to stop for it. I tell men, it can be one of two things. Maybe she’s testing you.

[Elliot Katz] 26:07
So you can you need to step forward and say, I know how to handle it. I’ll handle it. That’s, that’s what I told men to say. I’ll handle it and handle it. Or, or maybe she’s got some good points. Like maybe she’s saying, well, you know, maybe she’s made some, you know, she’s thinking of things that you hadn’t thought of.

[Elliot Katz] 26:23
And she was, oh, yeah, maybe you should make a good point. Maybe I should do it differently. So you got to use your judgment. But the main thing is, you know, don’t step back when she starts criticizing you. Or he’s just say, I think this is the best way to do it. And this is what I want to do for the following reasons.

[Elliot Katz] 26:41
And, and she’ll and she’ll be happy. And so if you just say, Oh, you’re going to do a different Okay, I’ll do it your way. See one of the things that men do, I did this, see figure if you just do it her way, then she can’t blame you if it goes wrong, right. That’s a men thing. That’s what they think. But they’re wrong.

[Elliot Katz] 26:59
You can always sell blame you. So why did you let me do it? Right? You let me paint the walls green. You want to do well, now that looks horrible. Why did you let me do that? So either way, you’re still respond. That’s the key thing. You’re still responsible. Like I said, the beginning take responsibility, you’re going to be held responsible.

[Elliot Katz] 27:20
It’s like, you know, I’ve met men, you know, there. That was just wrapped up enormous amounts of credit cards, and I just I think, and they blame their wives Isiliye. Yeah, you blame her but like you got a family?

[Jon Dabach] 27:33
And like, not let that happen?

[Elliot Katz] 27:36
Yeah, I mean, how could you let it happen? Right? How could you let it happen? That’s what I said to them. It’s a you, you have responsibility for your job. And you know, what, if you go around, if you go broke, and you blame your wife, and nobody wants to know before, they will say why did you let it go on? You are the man and

[Jon Dabach] 27:54
So it goes both ways. If your husband charges up a bill and you’re the breadwinner, by the way, no one’s going to blink. No one’s going to sympathize you if you say my husband spent all the money either. Yeah, yeah, for sure. I totally, I suppose it well, these books sound amazing. You can find more information about him at Elliot cats.com. That’s ELL IoT t ktz.com. I assume you could probably also find them wherever books are sold. Is that correct?

[Elliot Katz] 28:23
Right there on Amazon. But the easiest way is to get those on Amazon. Meaning strong man and woman wants timeless wisdom on being a man and how to get your man to wear the pants so you don’t have to. And they’re an Amazon as a paperback eBook and an audiobook.

[Jon Dabach] 28:37
So do you record your own audio book? Or did you have the guy dead?

[Elliot Katz] 28:40
Yeah, you could you could listen to it. That’s actually very popular. That’s one that’s everybody in the car. You can Yeah, you can listen on your car when you go into work. And they’re not big,

[Jon Dabach] 28:51
You know, enormous encyclopedias size books, they’re digestible. They look very practical. And yeah, I think more men need to understand what exactly it means to be a leader. So to me it seems like mandatory required reading for really

[Elliot Katz] 29:05
Absolutely because, like we said, so many men don’t understand this and they end up divorce and they want to like they want to make their wives happy. They just didn’t understand that you know what they needed to do? That’s really the bottom line.

[Jon Dabach] 29:22
Eliot Katz, thank you so much for joining me. If you’re interested in learning how to get the absolute most out of your romantic relationships then you’re in luck because I have put together a free workshop or masterclass if you will, about three secrets that people in happy relationships have discovered. You can view the workshop and mister spirituality.com/three secrets again it’s completely free. Just go there and watch it it’ll help you on your journey give you some wisdom some things to think about. The website again is mrspirituality.com/threesecrets that’s mrSpiritual All the.com/the Number three, the word secrets. It’s all yours. Enjoy