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Transcript:

[Jon Dabach] 00:00
Today on the relationship Revival Show I’m talking to Nikita Ren Thigpen Nikita is the number one balance and relationship advisor in the world building stronger families by activating power couples and potent humans who are ready to recalibrate and own their rights to be intentionally selfish to amplify relationship intimacy as they grow and to live in the space of and fully.

[Jon Dabach] 00:24
After a successful career as a licensed psychotherapist, trauma specialist, sexology and Relationship Expert helping families push through trials caused by trauma, lost confidence and communication challenges impacting intimacy, Nikita set a new bar creating ripples inside the personal development industry. You’re listening to the relationship revival podcast with Jon Dabach, also known as Mr. Spirituality.

[Jon Dabach] 00:49
That’s me. I’m your host giving you insights and guidance from over 10 years in the field of this amazing journey we call romance on this show, I go over everything you need to know about how to get into a relationship, how to get the most out of a relationship, and sometimes even how to gracefully end a relationship without pulling your hair out and going crazy. And occasionally, I’m even joined by new and old friends who are also relationship experts to bring you guidance and wisdom with new perspectives. Thanks for stopping by. Nikita, welcome to the relationship Revival Show. Thank you so much for being here.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 01:27
I’m excited to be here with you, John.

[Jon Dabach] 01:29
So I think the question on everybody’s mind after hearing that intro is what exactly a balance and relationship advisor is. And I’ll let you define it, because you’re number one in the world. So

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 01:41
Absolutely. So I have, as you have already stated, a very large background. My acumen is pretty deep, being a clinician and trauma specialists, relationship expert, sexologist, and metaphysician, all of it. So what I do is I use whatever tool is the most appropriate for the humans that I have in front of me at the time.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 02:06
And being in that space of balance and relationship, because all of the key things that people are coming to me with, I get to advise them based on one, both intuitively what I’m feeling is the best tool, as well, as you know, from evidence based practice tools that I have.

[Jon Dabach] 02:21
Sure. Okay, and why did you decide to go this road as opposed to just staying a sexologist, or, like what was limiting you from doing what you really want to where you had to kind of go on this adventure?

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 02:36
John, how much time we got the patriarchy. So there’s limitations in the system. So my deepest part of my background as a trauma specialist, which is the core of who I am, to the day I die, is from the medical clinical world. So there are so many limitations within the system of what you can and cannot do, if I’m working with a family in a medical context, psychiatric context of a bereavement context, because they just lost a baby or child or whatever the case is, there are certain things that perhaps I know could be supportive and helping that family, let’s just say, I’m gonna make it real stereotypical, because these are real situations that

[Jon Dabach] 03:15
Broad strokes, yeah.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 03:18
mother and a father very upset having a lot of communication issues on what surface challenged by the situation of the loss of the normality of their child coming into a hospital. So as a clinician, I’m supposed to only address just that bereavement issue and give them coping skills around how to handle that their child may not walk the way that they came in the door doing, or the way that they’re used to.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 03:46
But underneath of it, there’s a lot of financial strain. And there’s only so many resources, let’s be real that we can get from our systems, especially if you make $1 over the poverty line, which many of our clients make well above that, so they’re not eligible for a lot of those resources. So reality would say, Okay, well, how can you help them see what they have and make things work, not just for insurance payments and that kind of thing, but just to live, because that’s a lot of the stress.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 04:15
That’s part of why being stereotypical, the dad may not be able to visit at the bedside every single day, because they’re stressed out going to work trying to make sure that insurance stays on, and the other kids at home are taken care of to allow mom to sit and nourish and nurture that child at bedside. But under my license within the hospital, you are not supposed to go into financial matters.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 04:37
You’re not supposed to say well, let me help you see if there is a space for you to delegate differently to your team. Is there someone else that maybe you’re not trusting to lead in your answers like all those things, you’re not supposed to go deep in because now we’re getting, we’re crossing into coaching. We’re crossing into business strategy, we’re crossing into all the other things that If I can do but you’re not supposed to do so you feel like you’re only giving pieces to, to them to work with.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 05:08
And if you broke your leg and I gave you a piece of a crutch that’s not helping you as much as being able to give you the crutches and the physical therapy to help you get back on your feet. So I felt right when limited, I was good at what I did just as a, quote, unquote, just a psychotherapist and trauma specialist. But it was, I was attended to being in a space of infatuation and loving but not being in love. I wasn’t in love with the work because of the limitations. So

[Jon Dabach] 05:38
Interesting. I think we have similar paths you and I. So I started on the road of possibly becoming an Orthodox Jewish rabbi, which is, you know, the, the idea of having a dual relationship with your clients is kind of laughable as a rabbinical figure, because you have not just two but like seven different relationships with your congregation and stuff. And I didn’t, I ended and end up going down that road for various reasons.

[Jon Dabach] 06:03
But I, you know, I wanted to go into this therapy world, and my wife who’s a therapist said, You’re not going to enjoy the limitations, you’re going to find the way that you work really handicapped. If you do it, she’s like, you might want to look into either continuing down the rabbinical path, which she was very encouraging of, or like figuring out another way to work it, which is what I’ve, what I’ve done, too.

[Jon Dabach] 06:24
And I think you’re right, it’s so and a lot of it comes down to don’t you think? And I’ll pose a question, don’t you think a lot of it comes down to insurance and hospital regulations where they want things to fit in a very neat and tidy box. But our emotions just aren’t neat and tidy.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 06:41
1,000%. That’s, it’s interesting that you use that phrase about being in the box. When we my husband, and I started this company, May will be 12 years ago, when we first started there, you know, back in the day.

[Jon Dabach] 06:55
So does he have the same role as you do where he sees clients? Or what’s his role?

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 07:00
No, he doesn’t do people the way that I do. He’s kind of he’s 49%, owner and shareholder. So he’s more on the business than in the business. Yeah, that makes major decisions, right.

[Jon Dabach] 07:13
I’ll be why you guys make a good team? Because there’s different skill sets there. Sure.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 07:17
Yeah. 100%. I would say one of the things that we struggled with when we were creating remember back in the day when taglines were like, hot, like you had to have a tagline, right? We went from things like breaking barriers, because our mission has always been to build stronger families like period, we could stop right there.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 07:37
We went from that to breaking the box, which was a fun one, because that’s effectively what it was about it was let’s just break the box. Let’s get away from conventional norms, which is why I said, John, how much time you got about the patriarchy and the systems and the money and insurance? Because it really is to keep us bound. And it binds our brilliance in so many different ways that just aren’t feeling it’s not fulfilling at all.

[Jon Dabach] 08:04
Yeah. So who’s your typical client? And do you even have one?

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 08:11
Yes. And so I live in this space of AMD, always. My, my Eva Lauren Olivier, that’s who I named her. That’s a fictitious name, by the way, a little client avatar, a little client avatar, you know it, you know it well, right for all the business people that are listening to this. So Ava is married to Anthony. Anthony has a very simple name. He’s Anthony Davis, she’s Eva lover, and Olivier because we’re fancy over here.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 08:40
That’s my power couple. And for me, the highest end of the people that I work with as power couples, it has nothing to do with celebrity status, or, you know, having a certain amount of financial means, although you should have some income, right to invest in the work that we do, right. But power couples, for me, being my key avatar, if you will to use that term or dream clients that are philanthropic, influential in whatever industry, even if it’s a non-sexy industry, as we would call it, the industries that most people don’t know, the people who create the muffle that goes on your microphone, if you’re influential in that industry, and that’s your industry that makes you higher up on the ranks.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 09:22
But the qualifier for me besides being philanthropic and influential in your specific industry, is you have to be an advocate for disproportionately affected people affected by you know, various systemic issues that is the social worker in me that is this. The minister in me like that is the human in me. I don’t care how much money you make. You could be Jay Z and Beyonce. If you don’t hit those qualifiers, it’s a let me push that check across the table and refer you to someone else that could better serve you.

[Jon Dabach] 09:51
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. So it seems like you’re pretty much an open book, the way you talk about this stuff and the end kind of the raw Truth? How? And I’m very similar. I mean, that’s why I’m comfortable having a podcast and stuff. My wife is much closed. She’s very private. Do you find that in your own relationship? What is your husband? You know, what’s his? What’s his kind of perspective on sharing so openly in public?

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 10:18
Yeah, we’re married to the same type of person it sounds like. So, my husband who’s my soul’s half my forever lover, we’ve been, for instance, 13. And together since 17. Well, he’s very clear in the last 28 plus years, the only thing that’s changing for me is the evolution of wherever God has taken me and I’ve always been open to use your term. And ironically, most people consider me private, which is so interesting, because I stand by if you ask, and you’ve earned with the way that you ask, I will answer completely transparently.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 10:52
So for me, it’s it’s an energetic thing for my husband, who is very laid back super introverted, creative, very alpha male, you can ask and you can earn it, and he will still look at you like, who are you? Why are you asking me these private questions? Right? Like he’s not sounds like he’s like your wife, he’s very much a, you have to truly have earned the seat at the table, so to speak, the kitchen table to get access to, to any information.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 11:22
So we had a conversation about this, because, you know, I talk about sex and orgasms and all the other things, right, like, everything from the bedroom to the boardroom. And of course, he’s quieter, and more shy is what most people would qualify him as not knowing him. He’s asked me years ago, like, why do you feel like you need to share, you know, what, what is happening on what’s happening in our life.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 11:46
And I honestly said, Why can’t share the clients, right? Like, I can’t share what’s happening in their world, confidentiality is crucial in what we do, like discretion is not an option, right? Like it just is. And what people need to connect to is that they’re not alone. They’re not alone in whatever the struggle is. Now, I may not be able to relate A through Z with a specific challenge or issue that’s coming up.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 12:11
But I’ve worked with over 20,000 people in the last 25 plus years of my career, I’ve come across a lot of things and a lot of things that new people, but probably never even consider, you know, having to consider as a challenge. But the thing that I can connect with the most on a personal level, like the person inside the professionals, what I was thinking of in terms of a term, beyond, you know, tag lines, and all of that is my personal experience, to avoid crossing anonymity issues with someone else’s story, being really mindful and careful that this world is huge as it is, it is so small. So you think that you’re telling a generalized story of you know, my, my client, who’s an amazing relationship expert, and spiritual advisor, and he happens to also have a dope podcast, and his wife is a therapist.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 13:07
I mean, that could be anybody. But it would be just my luck that someone is like, Oh, I know that. That’s Mr. Spirituality. That’s, that’s John, like, I know who that is. And that would, that would harm me so much more. So I would rather say, listen, this is what we’ve experienced, or just give you the detail without the context, so that it doesn’t cross anything. And he started listening more and more, because he edits all of our podcasts.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 13:32
That’s one of the things that he does do that’s in the business, which is really a perfectionist issue. People won’t let it go to anyone else. But he listened to me, so I get it, I really do get it, I honor that you you’re sharing something that people can connect to, and you’re doing it in a way that only you could do it, because I will, I will literally tell you A through Z for me, but I can’t do that in the context of you know, our clients that we serve.

[Jon Dabach] 13:58
Very cool. I love that. Well, let’s talk about some typical issues that people come in with, and to, you know, try and provide the most value for people, maybe, let’s pick one, let’s pick one big issue that you see coming into your practice again, and again and again, and the way you approach it, so people can hopefully try and feel what it’s like to work with you.

 

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 14:24
Yeah, well, I will say one of the biggest things that couples come with is because many of my couples have a business together but most of them do not. The one is an entrepreneur, typically the woman usually is the entrepreneur and the male in the relationship is usually a career ladder, or you know, an owner in a different way. So the teams are 50 plus people and doesn’t feel like traditional entrepreneurship anymore.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 14:53
Their work habits are usually creating issues where they feel like they’re two passing ships and the night, thinking of a specific couple in mind, I just literally just had a session with them this morning. So I won’t give too much context to the industry, John, because you might know them, or somebody listening might. But the woman being the entrepreneur in this particular situation, she’s a beast, right?

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 15:20
Like she’s, she’s doing 16 plus hour days, and they have kids and pets and all the things and they schedule vacation, which she has a really hard time turning down to enjoy the vacation to be present for the vacation. Because there’s a lot of even though they’re a multi-million dollar company, there’s a lot of scarcity, that comes up that if I’m not on, then you know, and doing more revenue generating activities, then the business is just going to fall apart.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 15:50
Even though she has a team of 23 people that are able to be in the business and different ways that she doesn’t have to, she’s still so connected, that she has a hard time creating spaciousness for herself. So he doesn’t feel heard. He doesn’t feel seen, he doesn’t feel appreciated at the level. Now, they will tell your hands down, they love each other, they qualify as having a good marriage, they would not necessarily say we are knocking on the door divorce, that’s not how they’re coming. When they came.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 16:21
They said I wanted to amplify intimacy, we want to take what’s good and make it better. And they acknowledged in their we call it our power couple console, that there were some gaps, which they minimize more than what they really were, once they started working with me. And we got into the nitty gritty of it. I think the biggest challenge that comes up over and over and over again, is when you have those two very dynamic personality styles that are phenomenal and brilliant at what they do in the world.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 16:50
But they have a really hard time relaxing, and bringing it down to have space for each other besides the doing because they do the vacations, right? Like they scheduled the vacations, they scheduled the trip, they have the dinner dates with other couples, but it’s all the doing and not the being. So a lot of the work that I’m doing is we’re following the thread of where all of this is coming from and getting to the root of it, which honestly, which I’m sure you know, as well. Most of it is schemas and scripts, these cognitive notions that they have to do things a certain way. Or else, they will be fulfilling an omen that someone in their life has told them that if you don’t do it this way, then it’s not good enough in some way that might not have been exact words.

 

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 17:35
But that’s how it’s come across. Even if that person or those people are no longer living on this earth, it’s still holding them hostage, and it’s still bonding them and it’s showing up, and how they move through their relationship right now, even in situations.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 17:50
And this particular couple I’m thinking of specifically, both of their parents are deceased, but they’re still very much like they said, I had to do this, you know, this was important. And even though they weren’t perfect, and I’ve learned a lot, it would be dishonoring to do it any different than how my parents did it. Right. And so a lot of times those what I call expire expectations are really what are hindering a lot of the people that I happen to attract to me.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 18:15
And I’m sure it’s no coincidence, like I had a lot of expired expectations to that I also had to break and helping them to break that by following the thread of that emotion, that guilt, that shame, the anger, the rage, whatever it is, that’s, that’s underneath, and kind of fueling that burn zone that they’re in when they have to do doo. And bringing them into a space to be is super important. So I would say that that’s number one is when they have two very different styles of working and being with each other.

[Jon Dabach] 18:49
So your approach is to find out the underlying motivation for the way they are.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 18:57
Yeah, got it. 1,000%. And then we can do the work to you know, create their joy, right? Like, then we can map out what’s going to make sense. And it doesn’t mean saying you know, wife because you work 16 hours in this particular example, you’re the bad person, you’re the one that’s running this relationship.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 19:16
That’s not what it means at all. It means helping her see her value beyond the doing, and seeing that her brilliance is what got it this far. But it’ll be her being in her full power, recalibrating and owning her right? For what I say is being intentionally selfish because that’s usually the problem. We are queued from the old definition of selfish, which is in a dictionary like egotistical, you know, only thinking about yourself, you know, you should always put other people first, it’s martyrdom, which is really within what’s in the Oxford dictionary in the Webster dictionary for that definition. When we really need space, we need space to heal.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 19:56
We need time to go to our spiritual advisors, which means And we shouldn’t be on our phone and on the email and on the WhatsApp and on the so and so trying to do all the things that means we need to pull away from that to make space for that kind of work and giving them a sacred place that they are not coming to to be judged in, I think is the most important, which I know you show up as, as well, because you have to being a spiritually grounded person, when we lean in with a My way is the only way people feel immediately judge.

 

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 20:30
And that’s not creating safety. So one of the biggest superpowers I have is immediately creating safety, just in my energy, first and foremost, nothing that I can necessarily take credit for. But then second, because I listen more than I talk.

[Jon Dabach] 20:47
I like the idea of I mean, we talk a lot about self-care, and about being intentionally selfish. Do you find that people have a hard time with getting to that place and how to and you’re nodding for people that that are listening to this, I’m going to ask a follow up that, like, what do you do to help them get over that?

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 21:09
It depends on who I’m serving. So if I’m dealing with a super logistical person, who’s very left brain who needs facts and data, I’m a nerd. So I hit them with the reality that in the 1600s, there was a Pentecostal Bishop that turned away a group of female parishioners that were asking for permission to say no to their husbands when they didn’t want their body’s access for sex. And he said, if you do that you’re being selfish.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 21:39
And that word got into the dictionary because of that moment. And that’s where it came from. So once I usually give people who need it, those, you know, the people who are really like

[Jon Dabach] 21:48
Left brain, that’s really the etymology of the word selfish.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 21:51
That is the etymology of the word. So I think it was 1639 1614. Because it is, and it’s infuriating at the same time, right? Like that word has literally kept so many of us captive. And mainly, women use it against other women, you can’t come to my baby’s first birthday, even though you don’t have children, and you and your person are struggling to have kids and you don’t want to be there. You’re being selfish for not showing up to my birthday party or not coming to my fifth divorce party, because I want you there, right?

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 22:24
Even though you’re growing a business, you’re growing a family, you’re just recovering from whatever, and they qualified as a super sickness, because that’s a whole different podcast, right? And we do it to each other over and over again. So for left brain, people, I hit him with that, and they’re like, oh, I don’t you know, I’m not that person, I would give my wife the right to say no, and vice versa, I’m like you better, we’d be having a different conversation, right? For people who are more on the right brain, and it just gets sucked into the this is the expectation

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 22:55
. This is the generational expectation, which comes up a lot more. I bring them back because I’m a Christian. I bring them back to Jesus. When Jesus went on the mound, and told the people, to His disciples, pray for me, I need you to pray for me because I have a greater work to do. And I need to go up here and talk to my father in layman’s terms, and they fell asleep. He was being selfish. Jesus was being selfish when he stopped walking through the crowds of people and healing people having them touch the hem of His garment, all the things.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 23:27
He was technically being selfish when he decided to create some space and give himself the gift to refuel, he needed to be refueled for the greater work that he had to do. He stopped all the miracles in that moment, he stopped everything that he had been known going by the Bible to be doing when he’s in action, go into people’s homes, healing them. Whoa, like all the things. Technically, when he stopped doing that that was a selfish moment. And that’s what I mean by it. You’re not using it so you can make people feel bad or be in your ego, you’re creating that space, you’re giving yourself that gift. So you can create your joy.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 24:05
So when you go back out, to the people, to your work, to your job, to your family, to your parents that you’re caregiving for, like all the things, you actually have energy, you’re not struggling with burnout, you’re no longer feeling like an imposter, you actually have something to give, besides exhaustion, and resentment, because now you’ve got to go to give people that you don’t feel aren’t completely appreciating you because all they want is more and more and more when you don’t have anything left.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 24:32
And so you end up in a hospital. And then you’re seeing the old Nikita the medical clinical social worker Nikita, right. Like instead of being in that space where you have to be so broken down, that that’s the only time people say Oh, no Nikita, whoa, you should have told us you needed a nap. You should have taught right like why do I have to have an IV sticking in my arm and laid up in a hospital gown for you to appreciate that it was too much. It was just too much and I need to slow down, give myself permission to pause, whatever that pause looks like, which, for me, it might be an app.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 25:07
For you it might be, you need a pause to go play tennis, right? Like, whichever way you refuel, should be totally okay without having to explain it. So for those people that are more right side creative, more holistic in there, their viewpoint, I usually share it that way. And then they get it.

[Jon Dabach] 25:26
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, kind of, you have to communicate it in a language that resonates with somebody. So which is probably like the core of how you do what you do is relying on that intuition and those clinical tools and your life experience and your experience as a Christian as a woman and as a wife and all this stuff to, to kind of tap into it. I think that that self-care component is something so many people do overlook in a relationship.

[Jon Dabach] 25:54
And it’s tricky, too. Because if you’re seeing couples, you have to kind of explain in a way that doesn’t offend that structure of the twosome that you’re seeing, right. Yeah. Once that’s established, once you have that, and people are doing a little bit more of that self-care and that selfish kind of healthy selfishness approach to life, what’s the next step in terms of creating balance?

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 26:18
Yeah, so I have a formula for balance. This is the nerd part of me peeking up again. And I think it’s because a lot of people my age was and Anthony’s are what I call an analytical creative. So they, they have kind of a balanced side of using both parts of them. So balances t over b, T, like Tom B, like, boy, for everyone who’s listening to this, the T is admitting the truth of what you really want. Not what you need, needs are understood. We need self-safety, we need food, and you need shelter, right?

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 26:49
And these are understood, but what do you want, that is what you want. That’s the truth of what you want. And the B is the boundaries that you create. So you can achieve that truth as your reality. So if I were to say, my truth is, I want to create a multibillion dollar empire that leaves a generational imprint that ripples throughout time, you know, until there is no more time, like that’s what I want to create.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 27:21
And of course, that’s a really big truth. But you know, you can boil it down to wherever you want. Maybe you say I want to, you know, get my doctorate degree, like whatever, whatever your truth is, that we have to look at your boundaries like to make sure that you have them expansive enough, not restrictive, but expansive enough so that you can enjoy the process of your journey that allows you to be imbalanced as long as you’re always aiming for your truth.

[Jon Dabach] 27:47
I’m going to, I’m going to pause you right there to talk for a second about expansive verse contract of boundaries. That’s kind of interesting topic that hasn’t come up yet.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 27:57
Yeah, so for me boundaries, there’s five permission zones have boundaries, and all of them are like, if you picture an estate, some massive physical estate, Castle type of state. And there’s usually like five entry points around that as a state that you could technically get into if you were, you know, paparazzi and trying to get into the person’s estate, you want a boundary at each of each one of those five kind of points of entry.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 28:25
They are, they’re not just to protect the estate, and, you know, keep everything close, and they’re out far enough that you can enjoy everything that’s in that estate, the grass, the gardens, you know, all of it. So for me, expansiveness is literally making sure you have room to breathe, to try to fell forward to gain more opportunity for learning. But if your boundaries are super restrictive, then you become monolithic, and how you talk and how you think and that serves no one that literally only serves your ego.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 29:03
And then you default to the old conventional wisdom definition of selfish, right? If you don’t have any room for growing any room for seeing something different. So one of those five boundaries is your perspective. If you are open to always learning and open to hearing, you know, listening, which is why we have two ears and one mouth, right, like listening to other people’s opinion.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 29:24
You’re not doing it so you can, you know, float with whatever feels like the strongest energy at the time you’re doing it so you can shape your perspective and say, Okay, there’s another way to think you know, I don’t necessarily use crystals to pray with and all that but I see that there is actually chemical power in crystals and from quantum physics, there’s power in the mineral in the crystal like I get that I see why people use it. It’s just not what I prefer to use. It’s not what I want to do, versus saying those people are bad. Those people are crazy.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 29:59
Those people don’t know with their thinking, but when you have expansive boundaries around your perspective, which is one of the five permissive zones of boundaries, you’re giving yourself an opportunity to see what other people are thinking doing, you get to understand other cultures, instead of closing yourself off and feeling that you’re a little black, in Mississippi, wherever you grew up is the only way to be and the only way to live. So that’s why I use expansive versus regular restrictive,

[Jon Dabach] 30:28
Got it. Got it. So I cut you off, and I apologize, but it was a good, it was a good point to make. So you know, having these expansive boundaries kind of leads to more balance, because it allows you to kind of take more things in that you normally wouldn’t, or am I kind of getting that right?

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 30:46
Close, no, no cigar yet. But it’s because it lets you create your balance. I strongly believe being children of the highest creative being possible that we don’t have limitations on what we create, we just have limitations, or what we’re allowing ourselves to receive as a possibility for creation.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 31:05
So if you’re able to create your balance, instead of finding it as if it lives out in the ether somewhere, then you get to say, You know what, if my truth is to build that empire that I was talking about, that means I need some dedicated time for my faith. So I’m always pulled forth by something bigger than me, whatever faith means for you who are who are listening here, I need some time for my personal habits. It’s hard to build any kind of Empire if you don’t have any energy, if you are super overweight, or under undernourished, right? Like you need time around your personal habits to really build them and strengthen them.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 31:41
That’s that expansiveness that isn’t there to make you feel like the only thing you can do is buckled down to a laptop, and, you know, type for 5000 hours, right? Like it really is you looking at what do I need to create boundaries around so that I can make this thing happen, which also means you got to look at your energy management, like who’s around you, that’s taking and not giving? Where’s the reciprocity in these relationships, just because I know to nil since we were two years old, doesn’t mean that she should still be giving me advice.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 32:17
And my kitchen table, so to speak, like maybe she’s a really good, nostalgic friend, or he’s a really good homeboy from back in the day, but should he be advising me on how to grow my business? Or how to lead my family? Or how to support a friend in need? Maybe not? If they’re only the person that only comes up when it’s a party and you’re paying for dinner? Right, like so really looking at who were those leaks are? That’s another boundary. So really, honestly, they’re all there to help you create it, not to find it.

 

[Jon Dabach] 32:50
That makes a lot more sense. Talk to me about this masterclass that you offer about activating joy and how people can take advantage of it.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 32:59
Yeah, so it’s completely free. It came from something I did. Oh, God, John, you’re making me doubt myself. I want to say somewhere around 2014 2015 It was an in person, you know, pre COVID days, it was an in person retreat. That was multi day. And then it followed with 12 weeks of like, accountability for everything that we did. The retreat was all about the emotional healing, you know, looking at where shame comes from, which literally comes from a lot of secrets, the cure to that is vulnerability, looking at guilt’s and how guilt creates depression.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 33:33
You know, exacerbates depression, not just creates it, but exacerbates it because there’s other things that can also create it. So all of that stuff, I kind of jammed into a roughly one hour masterclass and a very logical way. Specifically for couples there, I do have lots of women entrepreneurs that are readying themselves for their forever lover, as they say, that also listened to it to look at where do I need to heal emotionally and there’s activities in it, including some bonus, like closing the love gap stuff, to really help them work through themselves first, so they can add to their partner instead of feeling like you need to receive all the time from them, like I stand and you don’t need the other human that you’re married to, but you should want them

[Jon Dabach] 34:26
So you can find that and ask nakita.com so that’s n a k i ta.com. You got and it’s completely free.

[Naketa Ren Thigpen] 34:36
It’s completely free.

[Jon Dabach] 34:37
That’s amazing. That’s great that you put something out there in the world for people to take advantage of. I appreciate that. Thank you. Well, thank you so much for being here. Nikita, it was really eye opening. And I’m sure that a lot of people listening will jump on that that masterclass and really take advantage of it. Thank you so much. If you’re interested in learning how to get the absolute most out of your romantic relationships then you’re in luck because I have put together a free workshop or masterclass if you will about three secrets that people in happy relationships have discovered. You can view the workshop and mister spirituality.com/three secrets again it’s completely free.

[Jon Dabach] 35:20
Just go there and watch it. It’ll help you on your journey give you some wisdoms and things to think about. The website again is Mr. spirituality.com/three secrets. That’s mrspirituality.com/the. Number three, the word secrets. It’s all yours. Enjoy.