Where you can find Pallas:
@pallasathena – youtube
[Jon Dabach] 00:00
Today on the relationship Revival Show we’re joined with Pallas Athena Palace is a life coach specializing in divorce she helps men and women navigate the difficult time of divorcing by helping them learn to calmly co parent, establish new boundaries, engage in healthy coping mechanisms, learn new life skills and figure out what their new life path should be. She provides strategies and support using the three pillars of Mind Body Spirit practices to help you move through the emotional trauma of your divorce in a faster and easier way.
[Jon Dabach] 00:33
So you can become the best version of yourself. You’re listening to the relationship revival podcast with Jon Dabach, also known as Mr. Spirituality. That’s me. I’m your host giving you insights and guidance from over 10 years in the field of this amazing journey we call romance on this show, I go over everything you need to know about how to get into a relationship, how to get the most out of a relationship, and sometimes even how to gracefully end a relationship without pulling your hair out and going crazy.
[Jon Dabach] 01:03
And occasionally, I’m even joined by new and old friends who are also relationship experts to bring you guidance and wisdom with new perspectives. Thanks for stopping by talking with Pallas Athena Morrissey today life coach specializing in divorces and all stages of life. I’m really excited to have you on the show. Thanks for being here.
[Pallas Athena] 01:24
Thank you for having me, John.
[Jon Dabach] 01:26
So let’s jump into your own personal story. I think, you know, nobody, when they’re a little kid says I want to be a life coach, it’s kind of a path you kind of find along the way, what, what brought you to being this and kind of doing this and working with people this way.
[Pallas Athena] 01:44
So it was a couple different things. The first was, you know, I spent over 20 years in corporate America, right, and you get to a point where I think everybody gets to a point where they go, I feel really unsatisfied. For me, I kind of felt like I was working for the devil, I was working in the mortgage industry. And the longer you’re in that the worse it seems. So I knew that I needed something else to do.
[Pallas Athena] 02:10
And something that filled my soul, you know, and my cup better. So I knew at that point, I need to start taking steps to make that leap. So that’s what I did. And at the time, I was getting really interested in you know, hypnosis and hypnosis stories. And I said, you know, I kind of want to do that. And so I started going down the road of being a hypnotist, and a Hypnotherapist. And as part of that you always have a consult, right? Because you’ve got to figure out root cause and what’s really happening.
[Pallas Athena] 02:42
And all of us have a trauma response. And there’s actually four different trauma responses, in case you didn’t know, if you want me to go over them real quick. Yeah, sure. Okay, so you’ve got your fight or flight, most people always know about the fight or flight, but you also have a freeze, and you have a fawn. And each one of those manifests differently, but they form in your subconscious, by the time you’re seven.
[Pallas Athena] 03:07
So how you approach the world to things that, you know, scare you, basically, right is under one of those responses, and all of those responses, then navigate within yourself through all of your different relationships over time, okay, so they’re very important to even, you know, when you get married, and how you’re going to navigate, you know, with your spouse, and how your spouse reacts to you, for example, right.
[Pallas Athena] 03:34
And so for me, it was all about, you know, finding root causes, trying to then, you know, fix those root causes, so that you can, you know, react and respond differently, you know, just situations that previously would trigger you. But I found in my console is what was the really, really, really strong stuff. And I also found that I was enjoying that part a lot more. So that’s when I kind of made the switch to life coaching. And then within the life coaching realm, I was like, No, I definitely do not want to do career stuff. For people, I don’t want to do the business stuff, even though I’m very capable was not filling my cup. And
[Jon Dabach] 04:10
What’s so interesting is, you know, the console part without the hip hypnotherapy. So you kind of found a way to get these transformations and people without using the hypnosis, it sounds like, yeah.
[Pallas Athena] 04:25
Yeah, you know, we’re about that. So honestly, I really believe that a lot of people are always looking for the answer to a why. Right? Why does this happen? Why do I react this way? You know, why do they do something? And when you get to a point where you understand the why, then you can actually start to figure out what do I need to do? Right? And that’s, that’s usually important because for example, when you have a parent growing up, and you asked my question and they just say no. And you say why?
[Pallas Athena] 05:03
And they say, because I said, so it’s a very unsatisfying response. And even as an adult, if somebody were to say that to you, again, that’s a very unsatisfying response. Right? And even if somebody says, I don’t know, well, that’s not accurate, either. There’s a reason maybe you didn’t feel comfortable sharing it, or maybe, you know, but it’s not consciously right there in the forefront of your brain.
[Pallas Athena] 05:29
But you need to figure that out, right. And I’ve definitely found that, you know, helping people kind of figure out where the root cause of things started, helps them to understand as they go through life, oh, that’s why this happened. That’s why I keep attracting these kinds of people. That’s why I keep lashing out every time, you know, this specific situation pops up. And that why is hugely important to finding peace within yourself.
[Jon Dabach] 05:59
Got it. So you do kind of the work of the hypnosis sessions that you started with, but on a cognitive level, where you could just kind of you don’t need the relaxation state, you can kind of just look at it from an analytical standpoint, and then make a plan to kind of fix whatever that problem is. Right. Right. Right, interesting. So what you said you don’t like to talk about, or work with people on a career specific, obviously, because we’re here in the relationship space. What’s your How did you kind of stumble into one of your specialties as being, you know, divorce and helping people through that process?
[Pallas Athena] 06:38
Yeah, so I actually took a coaching course myself, because I definitely felt that, you know, I don’t know everything. And I definitely want to learn from other people and grow. And there were some functions within the business for me that I needed to learn. And that was really relevant to the coaching course for me, because I had been in a b2b model, you know, in my career, and now I’m operating in a b2c model.
[Pallas Athena] 07:01
And that’s different, right? Sure. So I had to learn that, but within that course, they were like, you need to be in three profitable niches. And I was kind of like, oh, I don’t know about this. You know, the three niches were health, wealth, and relationships. And I knew I wasn’t in the wealth, which was career, and the health was definitely not my realm. Because you know, I’m not, I’m not into mind health, or fitness or nutrition.
[Pallas Athena] 07:32
You know, I teach as part of my foundation stuff I teach, you know, body mind spirit stuff. And so there’s some basic body stuff that I do that is around your health, but I don’t have you know, a whole plan for it’s just like one, one leg of the chair. And so I definitely knew I wasn’t in those spaces. And so then I realized, well, I’m in relationships. But I started realizing after a while, that that’s not really my forte, as far as helping those helping people stay in their relationships, minds actually helping them get out of it.
[Pallas Athena] 08:07
Because that’s what’s awesome about me, you know, I did get out of relationship actually, you know, to bad relationships. And I’ve had to be on my own financially. I’ve had to do parent, I’ve had to learn right how to amicably co parent, even in some difficult situations. And I’ve also had to learn how to heal from that. And a lot of times, I like to ask this question, actually, of my clients, or it’s actually an exercise that I have them do. And I have them go ask all the people in their inner circle, okay.
[Pallas Athena] 08:45
For them, to tell them? How they would describe themselves to somebody else? And what is one thing that is impressive about them. And the feedback you get, is often a lot different than what you think it might be. You know, and you end up finding that there’s things that are very impressive about you that maybe you didn’t give yourself credit for, you know, and, you know, for me, one of the things that a lot of my friends have said was, I don’t know how you do it on your own. I don’t know that I can do that.
[Pallas Athena] 09:19
You know, and I had to really stick with that for a minute. And, you know, whether it’s in the social media stuff that I’m looking at, and people and the relationships, but I realized that’s something people were very afraid of, is when they’ve been part of a unit to then separate and have to be on their own. And what does that look like? And then there were other things that I realized I just have done automatically, you know, I don’t even think about it. And yet other people, it’s very scary.
[Pallas Athena] 09:49
For example, you could have somebody who in a relationship, one person handled all the finances right? Yeah. If you’ve been married for 20 years, you know, you haven’t really been the one when involved in it, and now all of a sudden, you have to be on your own. There are basic things like, I mean, I’ve had to tell a client, you need to go open a bank account. It seems simple, it seems like something that, you know, for me is just intuitive, you know, go open a bank account.
[Pallas Athena] 10:15
But to some people, it’s Oh, okay, well, how do I do that? You know, and then I have to, you know, tell them, you know, go to your bank, you know, go talk to the teller, they’ll sit you down somewhere, and then make sure you also go to, you know, HR for your company and swap out your direct deposit info, you know, right. But some of those basics, because they were separated, as far as division of labor within the relationship are now a very scary Oh, my gosh, it’s all on me.
[Pallas Athena] 10:44
What do I do, and it feels overwhelming, you know, so being able to give people kind of the next steps is really important. And the other thing is, I can definitely tell you, out of all the people that have died in my life, and I’ve had a lot of people die in my life, there’s never been a situation with death of somebody that has been more horrific than the pain of my divorce, and what I went through and how long I went through it. And when I say that, I’m also going to tell you, I was the one that actually wanted the divorce.
[Pallas Athena] 11:22
And I still felt that way. You know, so it wasn’t like, you know, I wanted the divorce. And I’m like, Yay, like I was, I was mad for a while, you know, I was upset at a lot of different things. And, you know, the key is, with divorce, you go through all the stages of grief. Sure, but you also go through an identity crisis. And you also have to fight against that primal urge, if you have minor children, the idea that you are now going to be separated from those children for a period of time.
[Pallas Athena] 11:58
And that is, that’s hard, that’s really, really hard. So, you know, I definitely felt like, I could come out on the other side of this, you know, and I’ve been able to heal and I’ve been able to, you know, navigate life on my own. And a lot of people they, they go through divorce, and it just it Wrexham and when you look into it, and you realize that the average time of a divorce trauma, the average is anywhere from six months on the low side, okay, to up to two years. That’s a long time, you know, to feel that kind of pain.
[Pallas Athena] 12:41
You know, and then you also see people who they struggle with it so much that a lot of bad things kind of start to happen in their realm, whether it’s their health starts to suffer, you know, they start drinking a lot, they’ve got a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms, maybe they’re overeating. And so you kind of see this distinguishing between the people that do healthy coping mechanisms to try to get through that anger and anxiety and frustration and the guilt and all of that, versus the people that go to unhealthy coping mechanisms.
[Pallas Athena] 13:13
So specifically for me, I help people in that, okay, you’re getting divorced, you know that the sky has fallen, you know, in your in that? What do I do? Space, right, and then I help them work through that. And everybody’s different. Some people, maybe it’s a religious thing you help with co-parenting?
[Pallas Athena] 13:34
Okay, then let’s focus on that. Some people, it’s like, I just don’t know what to do with the rest of my life. Okay, well, let’s figure that out. And that’s, you know, start map and plan. So you can take those steps, you know, to figure out what your new life path is. So everybody’s a little different in there. But in that space of Oh, my gosh, the world just ended for me. You know, that’s, that’s where I like to step in, and be a positive influence in somebody’s painful journey.
[Jon Dabach] 14:03
So you kind of meet them where they are, whether it’s needing a little bit of emotional support, or some foresight into what this looks like, through the grieving process, sometimes even just basic life skills that their partner kind of took care of, and they just feel a bit lost or co-parenting, and you just kind of help them through that process. That’s your role as the divorce coach. Yeah. So interesting.
[Jon Dabach] 14:29
You mentioned before we spoke that there’s a spiritual component to your work, or that you incorporate in your sessions. Talk to me about that. What’s that all about?
[Pallas Athena] 14:40
Yeah, so I tried to bury it a little bit further down in the sessions, you know, so I don’t hit anybody out of the gate. But I know that in my own life, there was a certain spiritual path that definitely helped me come to acceptance of a lot of the bad in the past. Right? It definitely helped me to see the positives in life. And when you know, this is really important for the people who the divorce was forced on them. Right?
[Pallas Athena] 15:14
This was not what they wanted, this was not their choice, right. And they’re in a situation where they feel helpless and powerless. And going, I don’t understand, I don’t know what to do. And I feel like a failure. Right. And I like to try to use my spiritual discussion, to change the idea of feeling like you failed to instead of seeing what the winds were, that you had in that relationship, how did you grow as a as a person?
[Pallas Athena] 15:45
How did you help maybe the other person grow? Or, you know, it could be something like, maybe you are a, you know, maybe, maybe, you know, you guys weren’t great partners, but maybe your great parents, right, and maybe you know that that purpose is all about ushering that soul right into this world. And, you know, making sure it has love and its safety and you’re ushering in into an adult as a functioning human.
[Pallas Athena] 16:11
And so my spiritual teachings really revolve around the idea that we all have soul contracts with people. And those soul contracts are different, you know, from person to person. And the contracts are, you know, some are shorten length of time, and some are longer and a length of time. And obviously, I’m talking about, you know, a little bit of reincarnation here.
[Pallas Athena] 16:34
Because the idea that, you know, we meet different people, and we meet some people over and over, as we go through lives, but, you know, there’s an element of this is kind of how you can come to acceptance, instead of being like, you only live one life, and this was the only, you know, only, you know, go through yet, and, oh, it was terrible. Instead of being like, well, I can actually give you functional examples of that pertain to their life, where they can start to see that Ooh, maybe we aren’t doing this whole only one life thing.
[Pallas Athena] 17:07
And maybe there was a deeper meaning in the relationships that we have, you know, whether it felt good or bad or not, and what we learned from them, and in a way that helps you get to the acceptance, and really let go of your anger and your sadness. And I think that’s really important.
[Jon Dabach] 17:26
So the role if I’m kind of wearing more of the counselor hat, and I have a spirit, I mean, obviously, my nickname was Mr. Spirituality, spiritual angle. But if I’m putting on the, the hat of the atheist, or someone who’s an agnostic, or whatever, the role of spirituality, in your process, on a non-spiritual level, is when you can assign purpose to your struggles, whether it be in divorce, or something that empowers you to kind of accept it and move forward with a lot more kind of enthusiasm because it doesn’t feel like a waste or a failure or something that was a mistake. It had you kind of grow in faith that there was a meaning and a purpose to it.
[Jon Dabach] 18:19
I guess another way you can even I love that you have this kind of phrase of a soul contract. But like another way to kind of say it is that there was a purpose that you had that relationship there was there was a reason it was destined to be two years long or 20 years long. And that’s not because you screwed up. That’s because that’s how long it was supposed to be for you to accomplish such and such goals aren’t accurate.
[Pallas Athena] 18:41
I think that’s an excellent synopsis.
[Jon Dabach] 18:44
Yeah, yeah. And it’s more fun to talk about it with colorful language for sure. You know, and think about what was I in a previous slide? Absolutely. And it’s like you, your mind gets to kind of run through the forest of exploration that way. But, but I, you know, it’s when I’d say about 20% of my clients are kind of have a knee jerk reaction, even just to my like, nickname.
[Jon Dabach] 19:09
And I always tell them like, look, there’s a reason that AAA and you know, Alcoholics Anonymous Narcotics Anonymous, they cling to the idea of something bigger than yourself in their program. In the end, that’s like a crux of their success. Because when we screw up, you know, when we think we screw up, if we have the limiting idea that it’s just us alone in the world, that’s really hard to take.
[Jon Dabach] 19:38
But if there’s a bigger purpose out there, whether you want to call it God or something else, if there’s a bigger plan, it makes it a lot more palatable. At least for me, because there are days where I’m like, what does this all mean? And I’m like, well, it’s not for me to know I’m just a cog in the wheel. Right?
[Jon Dabach] 19:56
Absolutely. So I guess is that one of the things that makes you unique is kind of the spiritual perspective that you have through it. What else is kind of like unique to you in the way you approach because I know there are I mean, divorce coaching and life coaching is obviously an explosive field right now.
[Jon Dabach] 20:13
And everybody has their own little spin and experiences, what makes you, you know, if you other than the other than what the other people told you, where you, you know, got that little nugget that you can do it on your own? You know, what, what should people know about you?
[Pallas Athena] 20:33
Well, I can actually get to the root of things pretty quickly. I’ve had several people tell me after a session that wow, so I just learned some stuff from you about me, that totally makes sense that my years of being with a therapist never uncovered, right? You know, and that’s in a single session.
[Pallas Athena] 20:53
You know, I have, I have some extra abilities. And those extra abilities allow me to tap in and also kind of hone in pinpoint certain things. You know, my hypnosis consults, for example, that was one of the goals was always to get rid of some of the details of the fluff, we don’t care about that we’re looking for very specific things, and to really dive down into them, and then see those reactions and see what kind of comes from there.
[Pallas Athena] 21:25
So for me, it’s that I can actually get to the root cause of stuff pretty quick. And I can also help people learn to see things from a different perspective, even if it’s just word choice. You know, even if it’s just okay, you said these words, how about try using these words instead? And see if you get a different reaction? You know, so I mean, I think, I think it’s that I can, I can really get to love other root problems fast.
[Pallas Athena] 21:59
And I can also help them come to a different conclusion pretty quickly. And that the way I teach is extremely relatable, like even the spiritual stuff, for example, I don’t just start popping off. Well, you know, you’ve soul contract, and well, this is what I’m like, I literally started off, especially if I were to have an atheist, which I haven’t had one yet, but I absolutely would love to have one probably would derail the whole session, but but I actually start off with factual information, you know, in factual information, such as there were psychologist, Ian Stevenson, and Jim Tucker, who were psychologists at University of Virginia, who did a four year study on reincarnation, and they proved it.
[Pallas Athena] 22:46
So let’s just start with science and proving, right. You know, so I kind of like started off that way to where they go, oh, and then I start putting in realistic situations that I know everybody has had that makes people go, okay, she’s onto something here.
[Pallas Athena] 23:05
So for example, the idea of if you’ve ever met somebody before, right, and you’re meeting him for the first time, but you know, you’re talking to him, and you’re like, Wow, I feel like, feel like I’ve met this person before. I feel like I know this person, there’s just something about this person, I can’t put my finger on it. Right. And, you know, next thing you see the person across from us like nodding their head, you know, yeah, yeah, I’ve got a couple of those people in my life.
[Pallas Athena] 23:33
And then I explain from an energy perspective, what’s happening, you know, and then I leave that into, you know, the reincarnation of souls, which is why your energy signature, your soul, your consciousness, your spirit, your or whatever word you want to use, okay? Right. It identifies the energy signature of that other person. And as a result of identifying it, the problem that happens is the human conscious mind, we primarily use our eyes and our sight to justify the overwhelming majority of our existence.
[Pallas Athena] 24:08
So what happens is, our consciousness recognizes it, our eyes don’t, because the avatar is different, right? So, you know, when I start talking about in terms like that, people are then able to go, oh, okay, hold on, I need to I need to really think about this a little more, maybe there’s something to it. So I kind of take that approach. So it doesn’t sound just woo woo you know, to people, and that really seems to give people a lot of ease.
[Jon Dabach] 24:38
That’s great to make, you know, kind of bring it to a level where they’re not intimidated by it where they’re not, you know, off off put by it. I like that. I like that approach. Yeah. What is something that when you’re dealing with someone who’s just at the onset of their divorce or Separation? What’s one piece of advice you think is kind of universal for everybody that you wish they would actually adhere to?
[Pallas Athena] 25:10
I would probably say, and I usually start off by saying, you’re not going to like what I’m about to say, Okay. But you need to now look at this as a business transaction that’s gone south. You know, when you got married, you said, I do, you know, with the cake and the party in the room, you know, and love and yay, you know, at this point, you know, you’re still wrapped up in the emotion part of it. But the reality was when you got married, that was a legal contract. It was a business arrangement. Now, nobody likes to think of that the relationship that way.
[Pallas Athena] 25:48
Yeah. But when you’re coming out on the other side of this, the two things that you argue about is assets. Right? And children. So money in children, right? So when you look at it, it needs you need to kind of start to try to separate the business functions, right, that you have to unwind and untangle.
[Pallas Athena] 26:11
And, you know, look at it as it’s a business transaction, we need to undo this business transaction. And if there’s children involved, we need to create a new business transaction. And even for example, child swaps, that’s another one if you find that your child swaps our country contentious.
[Pallas Athena] 26:32
Yeah, again, you come to it as in this moment, it’s an it’s a transaction. I’ve got cargo, I’m giving you the cargo, I’m letting you know, and any special considerations about the cargo have a nice day. And kind of helps separate out the nastiness that can happen. Is it unfeeling? Of course it is. But you’re already feeling so many other things, right? The idea is to kind of start to separating some of that emotion so that you deal with your emotions in your own silo,
[Jon Dabach] 27:05
Right. So once you make the decision that this is this is not going to work. There’s no use in trying to save it, for whatever reason, then to take some of that emotion out of it is a very healthy step. And I would agree with you there, I think, you know, that’s, it allows people to move on and find other relationships and do things.
[Jon Dabach] 27:26
And look, as soon as the kids are in the car, and your ex is fading away in your rearview mirror, you could be as emotional as you want. You have your kids again. So you could be the proud mom or dad that that wants to be there. What’s the ideal client like for you? Who do you love working with?
[Pallas Athena] 27:44
I love working with people who take the advice I give, and actually do any of the activities that that I tell them to do. And the ones that are very open minded. Okay, she’s telling me to do this. I don’t feel like doing it. But man, I know, I’m going to be on that call with her next week.
[Pallas Athena] 28:05
So I better do it. And then when the next call, we join up, and it’s like, Okay, I did it. And I’m like, you know, and then all of a sudden, they’re like, Okay, Yay, we got wins, right? And so it’s, it’s a way that I love when the clients kind of embrace it, even if, at first they don’t feel like they want to, but they do. And they do the work. And they keep going at it. Because they know, they want to be on the other side of it.
[Pallas Athena] 28:35
And they know, I’ve been on the other side of it. So they know that they can get to that place. Yeah, right. I’m the living example of I have been there. And I’ve gotten on the other side of it. And you know, I’m a healthy adjusted person, and I want to make you healthy adjusted person. And so for me, that is the ideal client, the ones that you know, show up, they take the advice, they take the steps they do the activities that we that we talked about and agree to, and you know, then you get to see the positivity week by week as you go and you get to see literally on camera, right?
[Pallas Athena] 29:12
Their whole energy, just changes, you know, week to week, and then also, I get to see their energy shift from the very beginning of the session, to the end of the session. You know, and they’re just, they’re just lighter. You just you just you just can feel that some of that pain that they were holding on to has just kind of started to go to drop away a little bit. You know, and that’s what I love the best.
[Jon Dabach] 29:41
Yeah, that’s a really exciting feeling to see. For sure.
[Pallas Athena] 29:44
Yeah. Because if you have somebody that’s like, I’m kicking your butt. I’m not doing the work. Okay, well, do you want to feel how long do you want to feel this way? Right. You know, that’s my big thing is how long do you want to feel the way you currently feel? You know, because if you want to keep feeling this way, you don’t need me.
[Pallas Athena] 30:05
But you don’t want to feel what you feel you don’t want to feel sadness and anger and frustration anxiety and, and you know, have you know, little mini panic attacks in the middle of you know, wherever, right if you don’t want to feel those things, then you know, stick with me. Right, do some of the work and we’ll get you out of that place and we’ll get you out of there faster than if you were just walking around in the room on your own in the dark.
[Jon Dabach] 30:37
Fantastic. If you want to work with Pallas Athena, you can see her learn more about how she works and book a session at TALK TO Palace that’s pa l l a s.com. Talk to palace.com you can also find her on Instagram at ad talk to palace and if you search her on YouTube, I believe its Pallas Athena on YouTube.
[Jon Dabach] 30:59
Check her out there and yeah, I’m sure there’s a lot of people who need a little bit of that direction and that kick in the butt even sometimes that it sounds like you give them so thank you so much for being here and sharing if you’re interested in learning how to get the absolute most out of your romantic relationships then you’re in luck because I have put together a free workshop or masterclass if you will about three secrets that people in happy relationships have discovered. You can view the workshop and mister spirituality.com/three secrets again, it’s completely free. Just go there and watch it it’ll help you on your journey give you some wisdom. Some things to think about. The website again is mrspirituality.com/three secrets. That’s mrspirituality.com/the Number three, the word secrets. It’s all yours. Enjoy.