What to do when your spouse does not want sex

What to do when your spouse does not want sex

When the bedroom becomes colder than a witch’s tit in a brass bra, it’s easy to panic and assume your relationship is going down the drain faster than a beer at a frat party. But don’t freak out just yet. This post is here to guide you through the turbulent waters of a sexless relationship without hitting the rocks. We’ll cover practical steps to communicate better, manage your expectations, and even spice things up. So, take a deep breath and let’s dive into this mess together.

Now, I know the idea of discussing your sex life—or lack thereof—can be as appealing as a root canal without anesthesia. But trust me, avoiding the conversation will only make things worse. The key here is to tackle the issue head-on, with patience, understanding, and a bit of humor. So, let’s break this down into manageable chunks and get your love life back on track.

Don’t Panic and Don’t Pout

First things first: don’t panic. I know, easier said than done, right? But seriously, hitting a dry spell doesn’t mean your partner hates you or that your relationship is doomed. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. If you start making assumptions, you’ll only create unnecessary tension. The worst thing you can do is withdraw emotionally or, worse, start looking for attention elsewhere. That’s a one-way ticket to Relationship Hell, and trust me, the return journey is a nightmare.

Feeling rejected sucks. It hits your ego right in the gonads, and you start questioning everything from your attractiveness to your worth as a partner. But remember, it might not be about you at all. Often, your partner’s lack of interest has more to do with their own issues than with your bedroom performance. So, breathe, and resist the urge to overreact.

Patience is Your New Best Friend

So, you got turned down for a romp in the sheets. Big deal. Instead of sulking, try again. And then try again the next day, and the day after that. Accept the rejection with grace and keep the lines of communication open. One of two things will happen: either you’ll eventually get lucky, or your partner will finally open up about what’s really going on. Either way, you’ll be closer to solving the issue.

Rejection can feel like a punch to the gut, but persistence often pays off. If you find that repeated attempts lead to a serious conversation, that’s a win. You’re bringing necessary issues to light rather than letting them fester in the dark corners of your relationship.

Communicate Like an Adult

If persistence isn’t your thing, or if the rejections come with a side of nastiness, it’s time to have a grown-up talk. Approach your partner without accusations or guilt trips. This is your spouse, not your mortal enemy. They should understand your sexual needs just as you should understand theirs. The goal here is to communicate openly and honestly.

Talking about sex can be awkward, like flossing in front of a mirror. Nobody enjoys it, but it’s necessary. Start by calmly expressing how you’ve noticed their rejections and ask if there’s something wrong. Then, shut up and listen. Interrupting will only truncate the valuable information you need to fix the issue. Be patient and let them share their side.

Probe for the Real Issues

If your partner’s response is a resounding “I don’t know,” you might need to dig a bit deeper. Ask if anything has changed. If you’re met with another “I don’t know,” you’ve got a problem. Push gently but firmly for answers. Let them know you’re not trying to blame them but rather understand what’s blocking your intimacy. Emphasize that you’re in this together and want a mutually satisfying relationship.

Sometimes, you’ll need to address specific issues. Maybe they’re stressed at work, feeling neglected, or dealing with physical pain. Whatever it is, you deserve to know. Clarity is crucial for both partners to feel understood and valued.

Be Open to Criticism

If you’ve messed up, be ready to hear about it and accept it graciously. When you ask your partner to open up, they might tell you things you don’t want to hear. But that’s part of the process. Accepting criticism is essential for growth. Show that you’re willing to make changes to improve the relationship.

Your willingness to listen and adapt can turn the tide in your favor. It shows maturity and a genuine desire to resolve issues, which can be incredibly attractive to your partner.

Spice Things Up

Sometimes, the problem isn’t emotional but physical. Your partner might just be bored. To spice things up, you might need to change your approach. Try introducing new elements like lingerie, music, or different activities in the bedroom. Remember, variety is the spice of life, and that applies to your sex life too.

For many women, emotional connection is key. Taking on some household chores or planning a romantic evening can work wonders. For men, reducing stress and ensuring enough rest can help. Tailor your efforts to meet your partner’s needs, and you might see a significant improvement.

Understand Each Other’s Needs

Open the door to understanding each other’s needs better. Ask your partner what they need from you to feel more interested in sex. This could be anything from more foreplay to a cleaner house. By addressing these needs, you create an environment where both partners feel valued and understood.

Remember, this is a two-way street. Make sure you’re also expressing your needs clearly. The goal is to find a balance that works for both of you, ensuring that neither partner feels neglected or overwhelmed.

Deal with Emotional Baggage

Sexual issues often stem from deeper emotional problems. If your partner feels neglected, unappreciated, or stressed, it will impact their desire. Address these emotional concerns head-on. Show empathy and understanding. Let them know you’re there to support them, not just in the bedroom but in all aspects of life.

Emotional intimacy can significantly enhance physical intimacy. By resolving underlying emotional issues, you pave the way for a more fulfilling sex life.

Seek Professional Help When Needed

If you’ve tried everything and nothing seems to work, it might be time to call in the professionals. Couples counseling can provide a neutral space to discuss sensitive issues and find practical solutions. A trained counselor can offer new perspectives and strategies that you might not have considered.

Don’t view seeking help as a failure. Sometimes, an outside perspective is exactly what you need to break through the barriers and rebuild your connection.

Keep the Faith and Stay Committed

Remember, relationships are a marathon. There will be ups and downs, and dry spells are just a part of the journey. Stay committed to each other and keep working towards a healthier, happier relationship. Your dedication to resolving issues will strengthen your bond and lead to a more satisfying sex life.

Consistency and perseverance are key. By continually putting in the effort, you show your partner that you’re in it for the long haul, come what may.

Embrace the Journey Together

Finally, embrace this journey together. See it as an opportunity to grow closer and understand each other better. Every challenge you overcome as a couple makes you stronger. Approach each hurdle with a sense of humor and a willingness to learn. This attitude will make the process less daunting and more rewarding.

Celebrate the small victories and continue building on them. The journey might be tough, but the destination is worth it.

Ready for Change? Let’s Talk!

Navigating a sexless relationship isn’t easy, but it’s far from impossible. By following these steps, you can reignite the spark and build a stronger, more intimate connection with your partner. Remember, communication and patience are your best tools. If you’re struggling, don’t hesitate to seek professional help.

If you need personalized guidance, I’m here for you. Schedule a free consultation with me to discuss your unique situation. Together, we can tackle your relationship challenges and create a path to a more fulfilling, passionate life. Don’t wait—take the first step towards a happier, healthier relationship today.

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Every week, you’ll get tips, strategies, and sometimes even videos of me showing you how to get your relationship back on track. I cover everything from finances, to parenting, to the bedroom in short little paragraphs that you can easily digest while waiting for your lunch to heat up in the microwave. Think of it as a weekly check-up for your relationship from me, Dr. Jon…and best of all, it’s free.