Special Guest: Tamara Pflug

Meet your swiss fun & confidence coach, Tamara!

This little nagging voice in your head can be quite annoying!!
When you get coached by me, you’ll have this little voice under control…
So that you can finally accept and love yourself like you never did before!! 🙂

Website: https://personal-development-zone.com/

Book a FREE & FUN consultation: https://calendly.com/tamaraconfidencecoach/golden-ticket

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tamara.fun.confidence.coach/

Podcast: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/get-confident-get-happy-podcast/id1450796201?mt=2&app=podcast

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/tamaraconfidencecoach/

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@tamara.confidence.coach

Linkedln: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tamara-confidence-coach/


[Jon Dabach] 00:00
Today on the relationship Revival Show, I’m joined by Tamara Pflug, meet your Swiss fun and confidence coach, Tamara, this little nagging voice you might have in your head can be quite annoying. And when you get coached by Tamara, you’ll have this little voice under control so that you can finally accept and love yourself like you never did before. You’re listening to the relationship revival podcast with Jon Dabach, also known as Mr. Spirituality.

[Jon Dabach] 00:28
That’s me. I’m your host giving you insights and guidance from over 10 years in the field of this amazing journey we call romance on this show, I go over everything you need to know about how to get into a relationship, how to get the most out of a relationship, and sometimes even how to gracefully end a relationship without pulling your hair out and going crazy.

[Jon Dabach] 00:49
And occasionally, I’m even joined by new and old friends who are also relationship experts to bring you guidance and wisdom with new perspectives. Thanks for stopping by. Tamra Pflug, thank you so much for being on the on the program. I’m excited to talk to you. You’re my first confidence coach on the program. How you doing today, first of all,

[Tamara Pflug] 01:12
Thank you so much, John, for having me. I’m super excited. I feel great. Thank you so much. And I hope you too.

[Jon Dabach] 01:17
Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s a good day. It’s a good day. We’re starting a little late. I had clients that kind of ran over. So I apologize. So I was it was it was funny people obviously people don’t know. But her mic didn’t work. And then my mic didn’t work. And so my. But it’s I’m glad we got it all sorted out and that we’re here.

[Tamara Pflug] 01:36
Yeah. And I have to say that those we fake that people have not working, it was perfectly working with us just showing his face like its working. But it was not a great host so far.

[Jon Dabach] 01:48
So tell me how you how you got into the idea of being a confidence coach in the first place.

[Tamara Pflug] 01:56
Yes, so I used to be a teacher here in Switzerland. And then I learned life coaching. And I started to be very interested in like personal development, self-improvement. And I guess, like I was coaching many people on many different topics. And I realized that deep down when it comes to relationships, but also like to losing weight. And yeah, many things like productivity time management, I realized that deep down, it came down to like loss of insecurity, self-doubt, and it really gets his lack of like confidence and self-worth, you know, most people want to feel loved and feel worthy.

[Tamara Pflug] 02:33
And then really got really, really interested in confidence. So this is how I became a confidence coach. And what is funny is that I added just for fun last summer, the tagline as a phone coach, and then people start reaching out that they want more fun into their life. Because I was saying like, I’m not sure I’m kind of fun.

[Tamara Pflug] 02:49
But I will make coaching fun for sure. But also like you can have much more fun and have uncomplicated life and people it resonated with people. So the confidence ended, this is how I got here. And then I decided to just make everything fun as much as possible. So always is that the case? But very often,

[Jon Dabach] 03:05
I think it’s a worthy goal to pursue for sure. I always talk about that when I’m dealing with couples, you know, how you get, what do you guys do for fun? And they you know, if they have kids, and they’ve been at it for 15 years, they kind of look at each other for a long beat and go, What do we do for fun, you know, and it’s, you lose track of it.

[Tamara Pflug] 03:25
Yeah. And I think people are thinking of that fun is reserved for Saturday night for like, yeah, next out, but I really truly believe that we can find much more fun, like and not even fun, just joy in every single doing. It just goes off. So when you sit this relationship for sure, but we have to ask ourselves the question, what is going for us? And how can we have more fun? Yeah. And

[Jon Dabach] 03:46
I you know, in the in the moments where my wife and I are kind of in a goofy mood where she’ll say something like, Oh, you’re going to leave me? You know, like, just as a joke. I always turned and go, who am I going to be such an idiot with? I mean, you’re the only person I feel comfortable doing weird voices and do stupid things. I mean, that’s the Yeah, we go on vacations and stuff. But the fun is on a Saturday afternoon where I’ll pull a prank on her or, you know, or say something stupid, and she’ll laugh at how dumb I am. And that’s, that’s what makes the relationship feel like magic. So I’m, I’m,

[Tamara Pflug] 04:24
She’s a good public like, looks like she’s a good public for?

[Jon Dabach] 04:27
Well, I don’t know, she’s actually its funny when we first got engaged, and then I will stop talking about me, I promise. But when we first got engaged, we went to see a show with a comedian, one of my favorites, Jackie Mason, and she wasn’t laughing at all and I thought I was in trouble.


[Jon Dabach] 04:48
But then I think when we I was like, how is this going to work? She doesn’t laugh. If like if this guy who’s the legend in my mind can’t make her laugh. I’m toast. But then I stubbed my toe on the car on the way back and she after me and I went, I got it. Alright, I just have to, I just have to inflict some physical pain once in a while and I’ll be fine.

[Tamara Pflug] 05:07
That sounds like way cheaper

[Jon Dabach] 05:11
Depends on how bad the medical bills are. But yeah, it’s an America gets expensive.

[Tamara Pflug] 05:16
Ya know, obviously, I’m not going to joke.

[Jon Dabach] 05:19
So tell me about, you know, I think that I think that’s a good point. So that’s in a relationship, but prior to a relationship. You know, let’s say someone has low confidence. How does that How do you see it affecting the way they can find a partner.

[Tamara Pflug] 05:38
So I think that sometimes we want other people to say something or to do something. So then we are telling ourselves something like, we make it mean something about us. So we would feel confident if somebody’s telling us like, you’re amazing, or like, basically, what I’m trying to say here is that we want other people really to do something or to say something so we can feel a certain way

[Tamara Pflug] 06:00
. But often, like not often always, there is a sentence in the middle, like people always say something, but then it’s not when they say that makes us feel a certain way. But it’s our own interpretation of it. So for example, if somebody’s saying like, you ever seem to me, like this is, where it makes the most sense is that we all have somebody who said that to us. And we did not make it mean something amazing, you know, because we did not want to be with that person.

[Tamara Pflug] 06:23
So what I want to show by this is that it’s never what people are saying or doing that makes us feel a certain way, but it’s what we are seeking. And confidence is a feeling that we can feel by choosing different sorts like insecurity or set up, they’re all coming every feeling.

[Tamara Pflug] 06:38
And this is like the Valium, cognitive behavioral therapy. Yeah, sorry. I’m mixing it up with the French, Swiss French. And it really says basically, that all of our results in our life, like everything in our life, including our relationships, it all started with what we’re seeking. So we have a source, and then we have a feeling.


[Tamara Pflug] 06:58
So every source even like insecurity, and self-doubt, it always comes from a source. So nobody, this is the venue for today, the first one, but then there is the good news. The bad news is that nobody can actually fix us, like make us feel confident. But the good thing is that actually we can do it from within, which is what coaching, I hope, like I said, it’s the same you’re doing. It’s really all about actually building the confidence from within. And then people don’t have to do anything, people can just be themselves.

[Tamara Pflug] 07:27
And since you’re so the relationship coach, you know, that actually, if people can be like who they are, and just have fun together, it just makes it so much easier. Because if we depend on somebody else, to feel a certain way, it’s so much work. It’s like, I don’t know how to feel confident, and I don’t know how to create that emotion for me. So you do eat, you know, but it’s just, it’s our job is to generate emotion.

[Tamara Pflug] 07:47
So yeah, just to say that actually people that are not in a relationship now or want or even are in a relationship. They don’t need actually the other person to do anything, to say anything to feel confident. And it’s just so much better. We don’t need the moment to meet a woman, we can just do the process. We don’t need a third party here. Yeah, that makes sense. It does.

[Jon Dabach] 08:06
It does that there’s a thought that is that interrupts what your desired goal is for that relationship? I think one of the challenging things for people is learning, you know that you can control those thoughts.

[Jon Dabach] 08:22
And then you can pick which thoughts to have in your mind. But that’s it’s hard for people, especially if they have anxiety, which, you know, a lack of confidence, for sure, very often has social anxiety attached to it, or other forms of anxiety. So what kind of techniques? What do you do with people to help them learn to take control of those thoughts?

[Tamara Pflug] 08:45
Yes, so actually, what is interesting that you said here, you know, we have 60,000 thoughts per day, like you, me, and everybody that is listening. And most of the time, we’re not even conscious of them. You know, we believe that we’re just reporting the news.

[Tamara Pflug] 08:57
You know, for example, the idea sometimes clients coming to me, I’m an insecure person. But this is a salt. You know, like, why some people think that they are confident, and some people are insecure, like, I mean, it’s really like a salt, that, again, our brain is so efficient that it will, every cell that we’ve been thinking, if we just put it on, kind of automatic, when you drive a car, just because it’s efficient, you cannot recreate the wheel every single day.

[Tamara Pflug] 09:18
So the very, very first step is always to just acknowledge, like to see what we’re thinking just to observe what we’re thinking, to look at it from a place of compassion and curiosity. Because often, it’s like a dark room, you turn on the light, you see what you’re speaking and you’re like, this is why I have to live like why I’m in a relationship. I always tell my clients like you’re in a relationship or not because of what you’re seeking. But what is amazing here is that if you want something, yes, we have to look at what you’re seeking.

[Tamara Pflug] 09:46
And so the very first step, to answer your question is just too simply see, I have a look at what you’re thinking. Like basically we call it a sub download is writing down all your thoughts. And we see that objectively as a point of view as a coaching coach. To admit three stories that you’re telling yourself and you keep on telling yourself and the brain also, this is very made from a certain cognitive bias, like this.

[Tamara Pflug] 10:10
The brain what you sink, your brain again, it’s very efficient. It’s just a prank from the caveman, you know. So it will look for proof for everything we see, it’s going to pop up so interesting. And so insecure, of course, your brain is going to offer you even more even more proof of insecurity seek you out, right? So the very first step is just to observe what we’re thinking and not beat yourself up. Like we have to be somewhere.

[Tamara Pflug] 10:33
This is where we are today and take it from there. But it doesn’t have to be so perfect way to fix it. Nobody has to get fixed. It just as we said before, our thoughts create our reality. So if we want a different reality, is that a look at what we’re thinking?

[Jon Dabach] 10:47
I think you said to really fascinating things in there that both deserve their own individual analysis. So the first thing you said is the ability to observe the thought, right? That’s No, but I think it’s great. It’s a great tool, right? So if you’re thinking something instead of just repeating it in your head again, and again, I’m insecure, insecure, right to sit there and think, well, why do I think I’m insecure? Right?

[Jon Dabach] 11:11
That’s my head. Let me analyze that. Let me say, Okay, well, is it because of this because of this? Well, is that really true? Is that something I can change as a member? I think the ability to take a step back and say, Okay, I have this thought I can’t control it. But at least let me look at it. At least let me say, Okay, why is that thought there, that’s big, that’s a big step and a huge step in the right direction.

[Jon Dabach] 11:36
And then the second thing you said, which, which I loved is the idea that your brain is going to look for the clues to support whatever you believe. Yeah, and I have the same thing that I phrase it differently. But the idea that your brain is picking the path of least resistance, right? It’s like these neurons have this inertia to them. And so whatever file you give it, it’s going to look for it, whether I’m in a good relationship, I’m in a bad relationship.

[Jon Dabach] 12:08
And so if you’ve if you think I’m in a good relationship, your brand’s going to look for proof. And in in a relationship it’s going to look for Okay, well, what makes that partner great, right? But if you break the pattern by analyzing the thought, you can shift gears and train your brain. Hey, look for the other evidence, look for the evidence that I’m not insecure. Look for the evidence that I am confident and that can start coming into your head even on a subconscious level. Yeah.

[Tamara Pflug] 12:33
Yeah. And it’s so much I’m sorry, I see. But it’s true that also, you know, I hear a lot of people also saying dating is so hard. Like no wonder that we fight firstly, too soft, because I know people that are thriving dating, I know people are very unhappy marriage, you know, we know always everyone, so we see how much it’s never the circumstance.

[Tamara Pflug] 12:54
But always the subtle, definitely having between, you know, how we interpret the situation, which extends again, like how many people think different things in the same situation, we hear people wanting divorce, people are wanting to get married, and when they are, by definition, supposed to be in a relationship.

[Tamara Pflug] 13:07
So it’s interesting, but I think the best idea was that you said about, like, the brains job to just like, prove, right? What we’re thinking is, you know, when you wake up and you say Tuesday’s going to be bad, or like, this is such a bad day and the date continues to kind of be bad because we find so much proof so yeah, that’s its bad. So yeah, I really agree. This is….

[Jon Dabach] 13:26
When that’s the way the brain is supposed to work. Right? If you’re drowning, your brain is looking for evidence Well, I can’t breathe, we have wetness. And so now the brain hops into action swim up swim up right?

[Jon Dabach] 13:38
But when it’s a subjective thing like confidence, you have to feed it the information to give it to the right and I think that most people those two thoughts alone those two concepts that you kind of shared if people take them and internalize them can change their entire life.

[Tamara Pflug] 13:55
Yes, because I think you know for example, what is very interesting is that people don’t very often want to change the action you know, for example when they can date so when they say you know, men are emotionally unavailable to so just because randomly I’m hearing this you just people often saying that they need to change to go meet more people and everything but I think the what we talked of so you mentioned before that our selves like it’s we have cells but we are not ourselves so we can always change them.

[Tamara Pflug] 14:23
But what I want to say by this is that this is why it’s I think it’s kind of magical coaching when you can look at what your city is that even if you’re not aware until you are when you go on dates and you think dating is so hard. I guess like this is what we do a lot in coaching is then we wonder how are we feeling when we’re thinking that stuff and then how we are acting out because I can assure you that somebody that sees that thing they can it’s so hard without doing it on purpose for sure.


[Tamara Pflug] 14:48
But on dates they are not the funnier and the modern says you know, they’re just not control but we are acting up really I truly believe this which is really I think more empowering because then again, if you want to if we want to will show up on things differently to maybe get an amazing relationship. It really starts in what we’re seeking, which again, nothing wrong, realizing that we’ve been thinking something that is not, that has not been serving us something now, but just what was what you said, and you, like repeated before, it’s really to observe what we’re thinking.

[Tamara Pflug] 15:18
And no longer have I been thinking this, it makes sense. But now, I actually, instead, it’s hard to choose that. But I do believe that we spend so much time shopping and choosing our clauses, I do believe that we need to spend much more time choosing our socks, because I believe that the quality of our life depends on the quality of our socks, what we’re seeking. So we have much more power than there than what we see.

[Jon Dabach] 15:41
And yeah, I’m a big advocate for people learning to do that. I think, you know, I push people very often to practice meditation, which is learning to push out gently, the thoughts that are not helpful, or all thoughts for a little bit and showing you I think, the one the one thing I’ve learned from meditating in my own life is you can choose not to have thoughts.

[Jon Dabach] 16:02
And so if, therefore, if you could choose not to have thoughts, then you can choose which thoughts you want to have. And when, you know, so learning to control your mind. Tell me a little bit more about how you actually work with people. So what does it look like to work?

[Tamara Pflug] 16:15
Yes, actually, I’m going to change the rules a bit. But I just wanted to add one last thing from before that you said that I agree with you. And at the same time, I will add that sometimes there is difference between thinking something and believing it. And I like when meditation we I saw growing joy.

[Tamara Pflug] 16:30
And at the same time, I have to say maybe this may resonate with people that find myself still having certainty, like you’re doing it wrong. So I decided to look at source now and I’m not saying about it, but I seem to reassure some people that sometimes cells are just like clouds that are passing in the sky. And I just see them passing. So though, like trying to push them

[Jon Dabach] 16:48
Gently, just gently. Yeah. Yeah, that’s, that’s actually a very common struggle that beginners have with meditation. It’s like I keep thinking other things. Okay, acknowledge it, not going anywhere. And then gently, like, I like your analogy, clouds passing in the sky, because it’s the same thing. I’m like, just gently push it to the side, they can come back gently push it to the side again, you know, I mean, you know, with it, you’re giving it too much energy.


[Tamara Pflug] 17:14
It’s true and entertaining. Just thoughts. You know, I always have such as much as I’m confidence coach, sometimes, like, how are you feeling insecure like this, which I know it’s myself, but I’m like, do confidence coach and animal like, this is just so entertaining? Like, I’m like, your right brain? You know? So I totally agree with you. Like, we still have a human brain as much. And we’re helping people as coaches.

[Jon Dabach] 17:35
Yeah, for sure. For sure. So yeah, I’m, I’m a marriage therapist, and I sometimes make mistakes. And I’m like, what am I doing? And the funniest thing, you know, the best thought I’ve had for myself is, if I find myself arguing with my wife, I always ask myself, what would I tell a client? Right? And that’s the thought that trips me going, Oh, it was, yeah, if it was my client, I would tell him do this. And that, and it totally changes the path. So tell me about your work with people.

[Tamara Pflug] 18:02
I could answer to this, but I’m going to now be okay with following. So how I work with people is usually so they come to me we talk a bit how are you know, I love the idea of a scale of one to 10 How do they feel like confident today? And what would attend look like or even a 15?

[Tamara Pflug] 18:18
You know, sometimes I like to talk about thesis. And then you mentioned, what would be a 15, you know, feeling confident in your life. And actually, then we design the actually, I call it a customized fun and confidence adventure to look at, actually, I believe that coaching is we work the big things by walking on the everyday thing. So we take specific situations of our day to day life, that we feel like we feel very insecure self-doubt.

[Tamara Pflug] 18:44
And then we see how much like I’m very objective at this. Like, I think friends are amazing, but they’re very supportive. So the action of buying it for stories, and the different was a coach that we are pointing at, I see that you’ve been seeking this and it’s not have been serving today.

[Tamara Pflug] 18:59
So we look at Yeah, what you seeking that, again, as I mentioned before, is creating a feeling and then something stunning, we take action and then we get a result. So we look at specific situation and then we talk without ever beating ourselves up like a confidence. I really am easy.

[Tamara Pflug] 19:16
For myself, I love that I always think we can use things to like opportunities to love ourselves more, not to beat yourself up. So we look at specific situations, we go through them and actually we get much more control over our emotions without trying to fix anything sometimes it’s also okay to just you know, insecurity set up ourselves sometimes like to talk about the like looking at the silver lining that is something good also sometimes but feeling insecure and self-doubt but just to have it under control, and make sure that it creates a result.

[Tamara Pflug] 19:47
This is a bit advanced. No I got into it. But yeah, basically with explicit sedation, because I like to seems to be very practical that people can live with having something that they can do in like physical

[Jon Dabach] 19:57
Actions like give me an example. Give me an exam. Put something that you might give to someone to kind of build confidence that they can take with them after a coaching session.

[Tamara Pflug] 20:06
Yeah, so I think it’s really proper to specific situation you know, like, as I mentioned, so I think the very thing that sounds practical within the same time is not so much it’s really like actually it goes with your being spiritual like Mr. Spiritual at it, it goes with like more listening to your intuition, you know, so often people come to me asking how they can, like, yes, stuff, people pleasing, you know, stuff.

[Tamara Pflug] 20:32
You try to please others and saying, actually, yes to others when they want to say no. So we work on this. And we work a lot on like listening to their intuition. And so as I mentioned before, such greater feelings that drive or action, but right before taking action, or reacting to something, we can just take a step back and see also, what do we really want to do with the situation.

[Tamara Pflug] 20:53
And this goes a bit of experience, period, duality, but it’s a bit like listening to your intuition. What do you really want to do in this situation next time that you’re fixing the situation? So yeah, we take situation, as I said, before, saying no to something, and the person is imagining next time, how they will want to be in that situation.

[Tamara Pflug] 21:13
We think about our future self and make decisions ahead of time, because in the moment, I think the brain always kind of rely more on emotion than on logic. So it will want to please others, because when we please others, we are showing that they’re going to love us back, you know?

[Tamara Pflug] 21:28
So yeah, it’s really always based on specific situation. And then it’s a bit case by case because it all depends, again, on what you’re seeking. So if somebody wants to feel like at peace in the moment, we need to see what sorts is going to drive that feeling. Very particular.

[Jon Dabach] 21:43
Of course, yeah, makes perfect sense. Makes Perfect. Yeah, it does. Yeah. For sure. What’s your, you know, how do you find anything particularly repetitive for people that they struggle with?

[Tamara Pflug] 22:00
I think, yes, I would say, are you asking for specific keys? Because I would say,

[Jon Dabach] 22:06
For people in general. So like most clients, or a lot of clients that you have usually have this that comes up people pleasing? I’m sure as one for example. Well, is there? Is there other stuff that comes up a lot?

[Tamara Pflug] 22:20
Yes, I would say but the most is always, you know, much related to relationship that we have with ourselves. So no matter what, like situation from the past, you probably know about it. But it’s more really using the past against yourself. Like, I always like the ID, the tool, this is what I’m sharing, sometimes with my clients also that if you will wake up with amnesia, like not knowing at all, not being able to look at your path of proof is on you on days, how you are in relationship, like you basically start from a complete clean slate.

[Tamara Pflug] 22:49
Like, it’s just imagine how different you will show up during your day, you know, like not having artists, that definition of your setback in identifying yourself as somebody who’s not good that there is somebody who got, like, dumped, you know, like all of this, it’s so different. So I would say really like the suggestion that I see the most is people really beating themselves up like seeking. I’ve always been like this.

[Tamara Pflug] 23:12
So like, like, I’m not too confident, which is a soft again, like I’m not saying you have to be confident in like, 100%, the next day you wake up, but it’s always stories within yourself. So I think

[Jon Dabach] 23:23
I’m going to steal that. I love that. The idea, which was the amnesia, I mean, I think that because that’s a really good framework for people. You know, it’s, it’s, and you’re bringing in this intention to relationships or situations. But imagine if you came in, and you didn’t have this idea that you were this way growing up, and you didn’t have this, like if you woke up like Jason Bourne in the movie, and you didn’t know where you were, and you just had to take the information and process it. That’s the way they’re looking at you. That’s the way you should look at yourself, every moment is a new opportunity to create something from scratch.

[Tamara Pflug] 24:00
No, I also think you know, you mentioned before, but like, complication, things being complicated. And I also think that the idea of amnesia is like going with the idea of making it so much more complicated.

[Tamara Pflug] 24:10
Like when we go on dates when we be relationship. If just imagine a second, we will not have any standards, ideas, like things the way it’s supposed to go and deep down what you really think this you probably work a lot on this was a client’s but to really sink about deep down what you really want out of this relationship. It’s a strong connection, I guess with somebody in actually the rest doesn’t matter.

[Tamara Pflug] 24:32
You just have to be present in the moment, which is not easy to do. But I mean, with people like you that can help them. I’m sure it’s possible and then to again, not your brain will offer yourself but don’t forget, did this person not call you back but it’s a salt. It just you relate to your past if you are aware, and it’s what you said before, when we talked about really step number one and almost the most important one is just to observe it yourself and I’m literally doing this a lot with my business author. I’m crushing so walks away.


[Tamara Pflug] 25:00
I’m just making it mean this, but it’s just a soft, soft effect. Not everybody will agree on this, like I can find love. So many people find love and stick, we make it so much more complicated. And again, if we will not have all of the stories, we tell our stuff, which it’s normal, the brain wants to keep you safe. He’s like, okay, you’ve been seeking this, and you still say if you still alive, the lion is not going to eat you. So think this again. But when you’re conscious of it, you can make the choice to let it go as we define as you that’s beautiful.

[Jon Dabach] 25:29
Yeah. To choose the thoughts, I mean, everything kind of goes back.

[Tamara Pflug] 25:34
But I really believe that it’s much easier, like, really like I think, also, I mentioned before that the quality of our source, or the quality of life depends on the quality of ourselves. But I believe that the quality of our life depends on the quality of the questions we ask ourselves.

[Tamara Pflug] 25:49
So when we, like we said before the brain will come up with answers. So if we ask ourselves, what’s wrong with me? Why can I can I not find somebody to love or that love me back? Your brains? So smart is going to tell you because of this, because of this because of that, but if you change the question, why not me? Like, we all know somebody that we’re like, they’re in a relationship, and it doesn’t make sense. And they did not do crazy thing that just changed their thoughts. Yeah, that’s crazy.

[Jon Dabach] 26:14
Yeah, honey. And you know, I’ve even had it where clients where they don’t ask themselves the right question that are really, really crucial for their growth. Oftentimes, those will get asked in a dream. That’s how much your brain wants to ask those questions. You know, I’ve had, I’ve had couples who are fighting for a week, and the husband’s apologizing and apologizing.

[Jon Dabach] 26:34
And then when I see them the next week in a session, he’s angry, and I’m like, what happened? And he’s like, I had a dream. And I realized she’s being unreasonable. And I didn’t, and I was just too caught up in the act of apology. And I’m like, wow. And it’s, it’s amazing what happens, you know, I mean, there’s sometimes the brain is just like, if you’re not going to let me do it while you’re awake. I’m going to take over and your dream. So it’s

[Tamara Pflug] 26:56
Amazing nights true. And I think the question that it’s only like a question also is like, how can I have? How can I make finding love? Easy? Like, how can I make fun? How can I make finding love? Fun? How can I have fun on the journey? You know, it doesn’t have to be the way we describe it to be sexy. What you said the dream with?

[Jon Dabach] 27:17
What’s your vision for your future? What’s next for you? This sounds like a really great path that you’re on. I mean, do you have plans to just you mentioned something very briefly in passing, you’re going to change the world a bit. So I don’t want to before I let you go, I don’t want to lose track of that.

[Tamara Pflug] 27:33
Thank you so much. And thank you for being as excited as I left finding people that also left his mission and his work to help people. So actually, what I’m currently doing is that I’m learning sign language, American one, because you’re not going to believe that every given Spanish has a different one for Spanish. And there’s going to be very difficult. So I’m learning American Sign Language, because I want to be able to hear to hear such a good lapses.

[Tamara Pflug] 27:57
And I really want to help people that can hear but also people that are hard hearing or that don’t hear that are deaf, for like to also help them have much more fun and confidence. So I think that they can access since with other subtitles, I think they made it amazing today, the captions and all of this, but I think the coaching, really, we sign language, it’s going to be amazing. So I really have in the future, the idea of having a coaching program for people that wants to speak, and also be able to speak with one.

[Jon Dabach] 28:27
I have one of my best friends who’s almost like a brother to me learn sign language, before he went to college. And he got obsessed with it. And he got pretty, he got pretty fluent. And he said he went to Def conventions, and he went to different things. And he was some oftentimes he was the only person in a room where he could hear.

[Jon Dabach] 28:52
And he said, It’s He’s like, he’s like, he would be talking to people for three days without uttering a word. He said, it changes the dynamic to a different world. And he’s like, yeah, he said, it’s and it was one of the most, it was one of the most impactful things in his life. And I never had the, I guess the courage, you know, to really try it because I, I struggle with learning the three languages that I know, I know, English, Hebrew and Spanish, but my English, my English is, I think, okay.

[Jon Dabach] 29:20
My Spanish and Hebrew are so bad that the idea of taking on another one, I was like, where am I going to fit this in? But he’s just, you know, he took it on, and it was, and he still knows that. And it’s it is it’s, it’s a whole community that, that thinks about the world in a slightly different way. If you’re going to make a sweeping generalization, but I think and I think it’s so, so cool that you’re doing that.

[Tamara Pflug] 29:44
Yeah. And what is funny is that, you know, many people asked me why, you know, and actually I have to say the truth which I’m trying to push people to do this also their life, just because I wanted it. I don’t have any reason I just said, you know, sometimes people say but why do you want to do with your life like, why do you want to get divorced? What do you think that’s

[Jon Dabach] 30:00
A great? That’s a? So I’m an ordained rabbi and minister and I don’t practice much, but I have it in my past. And some people asked me when they find that out, why do you believe in God? That’s my answer. I say, because they want to. And that’s the only honest answer I can give you. I mean, you know, that all these proofs of whether he exists or she doesn’t. At the end of the day, I want to I want and then it’s, that’s enough. Yeah.

[Tamara Pflug] 30:26
Yeah. And I think that honestly, then this builds also our confidence in our kind of integrity just by also leaving, like aligned with what you really want to do. And it doesn’t. Again, it’s not much more complicated. Often we don’t do or we don’t like make these choices because we’re afraid of what people may see.

[Tamara Pflug] 30:40
Everybody’s dying nobody think and everybody I like to say I was to fiver was a bit dark, but I’m thinking back but I think that the other one is really like you know, I like to say all the time that nobody thinks about you as much as you do, because people often we don’t think that people are getting one is always people will think this about me but deep down Yeah. Nobody think about us as much as we do. Most people

[Jon Dabach] 31:02
don’t figure that out till they’re in their 60s, you know, 50s 60s people realize, like, all this time, where I was boring what someone would think and then I realized finally, no one ever thinks about me at all. So it doesn’t matter you know, it’s it’s liberating. There’s a little bit of sadness for you, but it is its liberating. It’s like nobody cares. Do what you want. Do what makes you happy.

[Tamara Pflug] 31:27
No, and I think that then you also did that when I’m quoting people you know they also want to be loved for who they are like to be worse the first we’re always worse he just regular now we don’t need to achieve anything. I truly believe in this trying to, like ask question for my clients to realize it also for themselves. But also like people to love you like it’s a same thing when it comes to you know, to say no, yes to what you were able to do.

[Tamara Pflug] 31:47
You want people to learn the real version of yourself, which is not easy. Again, you need to cultivate it like a know who you are, and that discovery, but it just important just to see that when we please others or seems like this actually deep down. They don’t really love this version, because it’s not who we really are, you know, so, but it’s not easy. It’s the work of our life. So we introduce you and me.

[Jon Dabach] 32:06
Yeah, yeah, for sure. And it’s Listen, it’s an it’s a journey that everybody goes on for their whole life. You know, nobody, even if you’re a master at it in your 20s or 30s, or 50s, you could like you can lose it very quickly and have to rediscover it.

[Tamara Pflug] 32:20
Yeah, there’s no renewal perfect way. We just have to be somewhere this is where we are in it all. I believe it happens for a reason like this. And I think the best leader is there’s no reason to beat again, ourselves up with the past. If I could go back in past and then you I will be a billionaire. I will not be talking to you. No, I’m kidding. But you know what I mean, it’s just not useful to think about the past to beat ourselves up for sure, everybody. So the

[Jon Dabach] 32:43
Best way for someone to reach out if they’re hearing what they if they want to work with you and work on their confidence. I’ll you have a lot of wonderful resources. I’ll post them in the show notes. But I think your website is probably a good place to start, right, which is personal dash development dash zone.com Personal dash development dash zone.com. You also have your own podcast and you’re on Tik Tok and Pinterest and I’ll leave all those links for everybody below. Is there anything else you want to kind of point people to?

[Tamara Pflug] 33:12
Know thank you so much, really. And I would just want to really recommend to everybody to not take it off. So you know, when we talk about everything we talked about today, it’s like, Oh, I know I can do so much like so many things differently in my life. Just take the best leave the rest you are exactly where you’re supposed to be. Don’t beat yourself up and it’d be fun.

[Jon Dabach] 33:30
That’s great, great parting words to go on. Thank you so much for being here. If you’re interested in learning how to get the absolute most out of your romantic relationships then you’re in luck because I have put together a free workshop or masterclass if you will about three secrets that people in happy relationships have discovered.

[Jon Dabach] 33:50
You can view the workshop and mrspirituality.com/threesecrets again, it’s completely free. Just go there and watch it. It’ll help you on your journey give you some wisdoms and things to think about. The website again is mrspirituality.com/three secrets. That’s mrspirituality.com/the Number three, the word secrets. It’s all yours. Enjoy.


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